This will serve as a public service announcement to all women everywhere. It doesn’t matter if you are married or not yet married.
Ladies, when your husband casually suggests that, “we should go to DSW tomorrow,”
jump all over that like you would Adrian Brody fall at his feet and grant him every favor he as ever asked in the whole history of the universe. I am dead serious. Women, this man is giving you open reign to purchase shoes. Shoes that could grace your feet and make you feel pretty. Shoes that will elevate your status of hip mom. Pretty shoes will make the other moms in the check-out lines ignore the stains on your shirt and compliment you on how beautiful your shoes are. Shoes will make you smile. I won’t say they will make you happy. Only more shoes and a matching handbag will do that…
Under no uncertain circumstances should you tell your significant other that your ankle hurts and that walking around the mall doesn’t sound like a good idea. Suck up the pain! Don’t tell him that you don’t really need shoes, because who are we kidding? Imelda is getting the best of you sistah. You do what you have to and get your sorry ass to that shoe store.
And when your husband goes off to find his own pair of running shoes leaving you and the small child to wander the acres and acres of shoes you pick out one pair and look longingly at them. Go ahead and tell yourself that you already have a pair of plaid tennis shoes and that you couldn’t possibly use another. However, you must concoct a better story that sounds something like the ones you already have make your toes go numb and give you blisters. Theeeeese are a different designer and look look look! They cost less than the ones you already have. But give him the sad eyes and put them back on the shelf saying, “I don’t really need shoes.” Walk away. When you get to the line to purchase husbands running shoes give him the sad eyes. When he says, “you can buy the shoes,” you go get them off the shelf. You do not hesitate. You do not argue. You do not give yet another reason not justifying buying the shoes. You walk your
sorry happy ass over and pick up the box, that you know exactly where it is because you already tried them on and strutted around smiling and knowing how cute they truly are.
It is ok to have that little bit of buyer’s remorse with the shoes. It happens. After all… you already had a pair of plaid tennis shoes. But when your husband asks if you wore your new shoes to the grocery this morning you proclaim, “yes! yes I did!” And when he asks if they are comfy you also say yes! yes they are! Even if they are owwee and pinchy. You know why? Because he suggested you go to the shoe store in the first place. Because he has two older sisters that trained him right.
I see you have the template restored now. Yay! Congrats on the new shoes… always fun.
p.s. Adrian Brody? I totally agree. I have no idea why he’s so hot — you can tell he was the total nerd boy back in high school — but whatever the reason he’s a hottie!
Me and you, we have a date to go to DSW next time I visit!!!
I always feel a little bad when I use the “oh they are so cute, but I don’t really need them” line while I look longingly at them and then at my hubby and put them back on the shelf. It’s just plain manipulative of me…because I know he will do anything to make me happy. But damn I do feel better about buying shoes when he insists instead of when he sighs over my purchase.
I just recently used that strategy on some new shoes and I have to be honest that I didn’t have any buyers remorse.
And YEA for you for your new shoes and having an awesome husband. I agree- never pass up an invitation to a shoe store.
So I need your new password. I am hoping that my calendar is clearing up from 50 trillion doctor appointments so that I can have some bloggy read time FINALLY. maybe. hopefully.
I’m laughing my head off and my husband is saying “women are evil”
how do I get one of those?
better get the husband first!!! lol
No, not evil. Never evil. Just conniving, err, I mean cute.