About

My name is Lisa. Who the hell is Elle? Well it started as L. But you know all those initials people use are just about as useless as tits on a boar. Let’s face it. I have no clue who your sister’s cousin’s dog G is. Tell me the fricken dog is named Gertrude. What is this? The blogger witness protection program.

Sorry, where was I?

In my former life I was a horticulturalist. I managed a tropical plant nursery in Washington. The rainy one. Not the on the other side of the country. I worked for a lady who hated women. I was supposed to replace the guy that she thought of as her son when his partner inherited $46 million dollars. But the guy I was supposed to replace never left. So the old lady was bitter because I was taking up space and breathing and stuff. She was a bitch so I quit. I haven’t worked a real job since.

In the mean time my husband and I decided to start a family. That worked well. I had parts that were all blocked up and wouldn’t produce children. So we decided to adopt.

Now I am a stay-at-home mom to my two year old Oleg* (heretofore refered to as “the boy” or “McScreamy”) who is just about the cutest stinking thing in the world. Even when he is screaming. Oh yeah, he’s from Russia.

I was born and raised in the Pacific Northwest. One would think being from the “Greener” state I would be pretty liberal. Well, I tend to be a bit on the conservative side, although you wouldn’t know it from my language choices. I’ve lived in the Northwest most of my life with the exception of a brief stint in Las Vegas (woohoo) and Kansas (not so woo hoo). I like the Northwest the best. I try to be funny, but mostly it is just me talking out of my ass. I do that a lot.

I’ve been married for 10 years to Derek (heretofore known as “the trusty husband” or “Captain Smartypants”). He’s pretty darn good looking too, if you ask me. He does something that involves money and numbers. I mostly nod and smile when he talks about work.

I started blogging in 2005 here. Then we had a tragic mishap in our adoption process so we moved here. Life of Elle started as my own personal journey to and through motherhood. It’s also further affirmation to my family that I am, in fact, nuts.

I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder. It makes me really bitchy and moody in the winter. However, I’ve recently discovered the wonderful world of Oriental Medicine. Now I’m happy. I like happy. My family likes happy. Ebay doesn’t. I try to sell my child less often now.

I believe that a woman should be treated like a lady. Open the door for us, pull out the chair and would it kill you to bring us some flowers on occasion. I believe that political correctness is a bunch of crap. I don’t want to be called a domestic engineer. I am a stay-at-home mom. Flight attendants will forever be known as stewardesses in my book and let’s face it… I’m short. Not vertically challenged. I believe that one pair of expensive shoes is better than 20 pairs of cheap ones. I believe you should never go out of the house with chipped nail polish. I believe you should give a damn as to what you look like and I believe that spandex are a privilege. Not a right.

I am a shoe whore. I love Indian food. And hockey is just better. That’s why.

While reading and commenting please observe the “Talking Out of Your Ass Rule.” I believe in anthropological correctness. I am entitled to my own opinion as are you. You are more than welcome to share your views with me, but don’t think for a second that I will agree with you. If you want to change my mind you better damn well provide a valid argument to back it up. Otherwise you are talking out of your ass, and I know all about that.

If you really need to bitch, do it directly to me. You can reach me at elle at lifeofelle dot com.