Whoa. A year

Holy crackers! A year? Serious… a year. A year ago today I was wrapping up a whirlwind tour on the other side of the world (by myself). I still can’t believe I got on a plane and traveled to Far East Russia by. my. self.

Where have I been? I’ve been here. Our little family has spent the last year trying to figure out where we are and where we want to go. Ok, that’s just me and the husband, but we brought the child along for the ride. Both Derek and I have spent some time trying to discover ourselves and figure out if we are making the most of our lives. We were at the conclusion that we were not. Now we are talking as individuals not as a couple. That’s all good. Don’t fret.

The realization that we are fully seated in adulthood, but aren’t where we thought we would be at this point in life kind of threw us for loops. Derek was at a job that he liked well enough, but had no upward movement without movement of his entire family.. to Minnesota. I’ve spend the past 4 years researching what life would be like in the Twin Cities, but always came to the same conclusion. I would hate it. He knew that. I knew that. It wouldn’t work. Something had to give. Sometimes life intervenes when you least expect it. At the end of August Derek was recruited away from the company he had worked for for 13 years. In a whirlwind of interviews, travel and back and forth he accepted a new job. He now works from home, makes more money, has upward mobility in the company without relocation and if he did need to relocate it would be to San Diego. San Diego wouldn’t suck. We no longer have to worry about childcare. It is a good thing. Granted, adjustment to having him home all the time is taking some getting used to. It’s all good.

And how am I doing? At the moment I’m hanging in there. I’m still trying to discover who I am and where I want to go. I had a super awesome opportunity earlier this year. It was in the wholesale perennial growing business. I was confident that this is what I wanted. It would have been more work, a commute, tons of stress, but it would have been mine. I turned it down. At the root of it all I was not confident that it was what I truly wanted. Then came another idea. I wanted to take a totally different career path (but still within the horticulture industry). It is long hours, lots of stress, starting at the bottom, no true experience in the field, but I would be able to flex my creative muscle to my heart’s content. I still want that opportunity, but I don’t know how to make it happen. In a nutshell, I still don’t know what I’m doing and who’s driving the bus.

The child? Oh the child. It has been a challenging year in the life of the 9 year old. I suppose you could say that is where I’ve been. I’ve been dealing with him or trying to avoid him so I don’t get screamed at. Because the boy is now a true “big kid” my sharing of his life will be limited. I know there are so many people who deal with many of the same issues we face (Sensory Integration Disorder, Anxiety Disorder, Post Institutionalization and the gamut of problems that come from being a Russian orphan), but my poor son has been talked about in front of other people and he is now aware it is happening. He is receiving help for all of his issues and we are on a track that is very good for him. We have not had a “seeing red” screaming fit since September. I have not heard “I have to go to the bathroom” while I am at the opposite end of the store in months. And on a regular basis my child looks at me and says, “You’re the best mommy in the whole wide world.” **heart melts** My child? My child is awesome!

So why pick up a blog that I had abandoned a year ago? Why delve into my life now? Because it’s ME time baby. I’m ready to be the sassy nut job you’ve all grown to love. Besides, I’ve got some chocolate to pimp and y’all are my bitchez. Put your seatbelt on and pass me a drink. We’re headed into the Life of Elle.

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