When the important things pass by because you are living life

I said I wanted to make that step from adoption blogger to mommy blogger. I think I am doing an ok job. I still read many of the adoption blogs and smile as yet another child is brought home. A small part of me misses being part of that community. Do I wish to go back to the arduous waiting, the stress over paperwork, the countless clams I shelled out and long ass flights to a place that no one in their right mind would actually go? No. Of course the further we get removed from the process the more the thought creeps in. When that happens we try to smack each other in the face and have a Moonstruck moment, “Snap out of it!” Kinda like when I think I want to move back to Vegas. That usually means I need a visit there just to realize that it is hot, dry, makes me sick all the time and I have a tendency to get into car accidents there.

While I make the slow transition to plain ol’ mom I try to focus on life, my family and the last little bit of sanity the adoption process didn’t so rudely rip off. I miss things like sister-in-law’s birthdays, step-dad’s birthdays, and birthdays for other important people in my life. But I missed a date that should hold very high significance in our life. The first day we saw the face of our son.

March 28, 2006 I sat at my computer right before lunch wasting time. It had been two weeks since we lost Alexander and I was still in a fog. Olga had informed us that she was close to getting referrals for all 5 families that lost their children and we should have a referral any day. I was just getting ready to to get up and make some lunch when a box popped up. “new message from AIAinfo@aol.com” I opened my inbox and the subject was re: referral. I sat there for a moment because I knew this was it. I must say I was scared to death of opening it. I clicked on the email and saw, “Irina got a referral for you!!! This is 17 months old boy Oleg”


My first thought was about his name. My second was how Russian he looked. I had been looking at photos of Alexander for nearly a year. This little boy looked so sad. I called the trusty husband and asked what he thought of the name Oh-leg. We truly were very excited to be moving again. Somehow we knew this child was our son.

As my mother said, “he just looks like he needs someone to hug and squeeze him.” She was so right.


15 Comment

  1. Lauri says: Reply

    I think missing that date is a good thing actually… when you can enjoy your life and stop thinking in those adoption terms such as ” wow we have been home 30, 60, 90 days” and just enjoy being a family.

    Going through the adoption process has been something else… I too miss an aspect of the journey.. not much to miss but I do miss being a part of it.

    here is to reinventing new Mommy blogs

  2. You made me cry! I can’t stand to see those sad little eyes in the first photo. Thank God you put the happy face in there! Going to work with the first image would have haunted me all day. Give him extra kisses for me today…pleeze…………………..

  3. Wow, that first picture hardly looks like him! I just love his little face and the silly smile. See what love can do?

  4. Lee says: Reply

    I can’t believe how much I love that little guy! Give the sweet boy lots of hugs and kisses from Auntie Lee, Uncle Nain and Bethany!

  5. hopingforgirl says: Reply

    awwww, how sweet! you & Lauri both today put up similar-theme posts. see, i’m just a “boring ol’ mom,” i’m not in the “adoption game” yet. but being a mom is the most important thing of all!!!

    also i’m not exactly looking *forward* to all the adoption craziness, either!!!!! nope. but i AM looking forward to the day i go to the orphanage and meet *MY* daughter!!

  6. tears, but good ones 🙂

  7. Ani says: Reply

    Oh my gosh – what a difference between those two pics. Its almost as if it were a different little boy – and in the most fundamental way, he has become a different little boy this past year.
    Happy weekend!

  8. Carla says: Reply

    Wow, he looks so sad in that referral photo and so very happy in the 2nd. 🙂

    I think moving on to just plain Mommy blog is going to be a little sad. This adoption process is such a part of me now, and I realized that so far just since applying to our agency I’ve been “in process of adopting” for 16 months. But it’s been over 24 months since we decided to adopt.

  9. Jenny says: Reply

    He was a sweet sad boy and now he is a big happy boy. A year ago, wow.

  10. I think the fact that his shirt said “OK Booby Bear” should have been the main clue that this is a kid destined for your home. 🙂 Seriously, the change is so drastic. He looks like a different little boy all together.

  11. Kate says: Reply

    Oh, he is BEAUTIFUL!!! And your mom was soooo right. The picture of him now shows spirit, what a lovely little one you have!!!!!

  12. kim says: Reply

    Elle, I find it so interesting that our blogs paralleled each other with this one and the last one on Unexpected Miracles. We both went through the same thing at about the same time(although I believe your grief was more because of having already met him). You befriended me/helped me along in the very beginning of this journey and for that I am so grateful.

    Your son is so precious. He looks so sad in the first pic and so completely and utterly happy in the next. I know you are a great mom and are so appreciative of where the last year has brought you to.

  13. Oh Elle I am so happy you guys and Oleg found each other it was truely meant to be and how blessed you all are:)The transformation of this precious little boy is unbelievable!

  14. kate says: Reply

    Wow. He has come SO far! I hope you keep reading adoption blogs until my d2b gets home…

    (love the new header)

  15. M- says: Reply

    The change is incredible. Its hard to notice until you put the two pictures side by side. In his referral pic, he just looks so sad…its amazing what some lovin’ and a bit of food can do. You guys must be doing an amazing job!

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