When the depression kicks your ass

There is a spot of dried cat puke behind my couch.? How would I know there is dried cat puke behind my couch?? Because I walk past it a bazillion times a day.? Behind the couch is the main thoroughfare from there to everywhere in our house.? Why haven’t I walked to 2 feet to the pantry to get a rag and the floor cleaner?? Because the depression is kicking my ass.? What makes it worse is a little dust bunny army is forming around the cat puke to defend it when I come out of the fog.

Every time I walk past that spot I look at it and think, “I really need to clean that.? What’s the point.? The cat’s just going to puke again.”? Kinda like I haven’t washed my car in months.? Sunday the trusty husband took my car through the car wash.? That night it snowed.? See.? What’s the point.? I considered it a protective layer of dirt.

We are finally nearing the end of January and I am hoping to emerge from this annual fog, but February isn’t looking much better either.? The weather right now is 32 and raining.? How can it be raining when it’s freezing?? It’s Washington.? Snow gives us the big middle finger and says, “I’m going to be shitty slop and make your joints hurt.”? The sky is gray, it’s soggy and cold.? My furnace has been running non-stop for a week and my house is still cold.? I’d build a fire, but our chimney has a crack in it.

The child has played “Interjection” and “Fake-believe” over and over and over again and I want to take those fucking CDs and break them into little bits.? Not to mention I think he’s getting an ear infection and is super cranky.? The trusty husband is on a business trip until Thursday leaving 2 extremely bitchy people holed up in a house for 3 days.? I’m not sure both of us will make it out alive.

Someone please send brownies and seasons 1-5 of America’s Next Top Model.? If not I might have to resort to my last remaining bottle of Russian Vodka.

24 Comment

  1. auntieg says: Reply

    I’ll second that suggestion!! It’s all about brain chemistry.

  2. Elle says: Reply

    give it a rest. I’m not taking Lexapro

  3. DebiP says: Reply

    ok so Washington not the best place to live with SAD…hmmm…lengthy winter vacations???…hmmm winter home in California…hmmmm…I can’t vote for the lexapro but I will say me loves my paxil…

  4. Lena says: Reply

    How about a delivery of a bag full of oatmealraisin cookies tomorrow afternoon/early evening barring any more snow?

  5. Lauri says: Reply

    I am a closet america’s next top model fan, also real housewifes of Orange county… I will never admit to it in court however

    I hear you… Im letting my kid ride her bike in the house…. and I hear cat puke has some good properties that must be good for your floor when left unattended… just saying is all… feel better soon

  6. Heather says: Reply

    we could get the kids together for a playdate or you can bring Oleg down for the day and you can have a much needed day to yourself 🙂 let me know

  7. I too am food medicating right now. Mmmmm…. Cookiexapro….

  8. We have a guest room in Cayman…. sunshine never ends, though I never see it…

  9. Elle says: Reply

    Christen’s offer is looking the best, but I would go for the cookies Lena. If I didn’t have so much work I’d take Heather up on her offer, but the work and laundry are plotting against me.

  10. Wendy says: Reply

    Want to come join me under my rock? Cat puke be damned, I’m not coming out until the sun is shining and happy events surround me. Right now one kid has tonsils that look like hamburger (again) another kid has a snot faucet for a nose. Even though we all got the flu shot this year, a sneaky strain is hitting our area that somehow isn’t covered by the shot. It has rained so much our pond overflowed. And…my brand new bluebird house fell over in the mud (hopefully without birds inside) I don’t think even Russian vodka will help. Let’s run away together and form a commune in the desert where it never rains and no one will look for us!!! (Had to double check I spelled desert and not dessert…..hah!)

  11. Diana says: Reply

    Hi – delurking here (I know – shame on us lurkers) to ask a question. It’s probably fairly obvious and something you’ve already considered, but have you tried the UV lights they prescribe for SAD? You just sit in front of it for @ 20 minutes/day. With a diagnosis a doctor can prescribe it so that some insurance companies will pay for some or all of it. I know people that have been helped by it quite a bit.

    If you cannot or are not intersted, here’s hoping you get a vacation somewhat soon to a sunny, beach-y area! Or less crap weather. Whatever is more likely.

  12. Lena says: Reply

    I’ll call you tomorrow then!

  13. mom says: Reply

    There is nothing worse then feeling blue all the time and my heart aches for you. Spring is not that far away soooo keep that in mind. Have you tried light therapy? I’ve heard for some it works miracles and most certainly is not serotonin. I know we can’t sway you here but don’t let a good life escape you by being stubborn. I have NO idea where your bull headiness comes from! Hee hee!

  14. Good luck with February. It’s always my worst month! Something that really worked for me (both in Fairbanks and in Anchorage) is to make sure I get outside for at least 10 minutes a day. It doesn’t matter if it’s raining or not; ultraviolet rays penetrate cloud cover and rain, so you’ll still be getting some benefit from the sun. Light therapy does help a lot, but it does require the time in front of the light – with a toddler, er, a preschooler! in the house, it can get tricky. The other thing that helps me is to make sure I get some exercise each day. It doesn’t matter if it’s cleaning or lifting weights, but something to get my heart rate up. Best wishes in getting everything aligned right so that your brain chemistry functions better!

  15. Bev says: Reply

    Ten reasons we LOVE you and count you as a blessing to the family:
    1. Great sense of humor
    2. Super mom – loving, devoted wife
    3. Unbeliveably creative . . . in lots of ways
    4. True to your beliefs
    5. Not afraid to tackle a tuff issue
    6. Good listener for many
    7. Loyal friend to many
    8. Not a prejudiced bone in your bod
    9. Willing to help out wherever needed
    10. As beautiful inside as you are outside
    Luv, your trusty MIL (who will also treat you to a “girls’ day out” OR babysitting for a “date nite” just as soon as Dad is on his feet again!)
    P.S. Maybe you can figure out a way to market cat puke’n dust bunnies as a new decorator item for the all-American home! :-))


  16. Elle says: Reply

    thanks to the trusty MIL for making me cry on that one. A good note to head to bed to. Oh yeah, I’ve been up since 4.

  17. kate says: Reply

    Don’t forget to eat your bananas. Seriously, that’s the SAD advice I was given.

    Not nice here, either. Hovering at 0-2C and raining and sloppy for over a month. The playground today was just melting ice–like a glass of water left out for half an hour. Ick. Wet kids, wet socks, lots of mud, lots of wet.

    BUT, the sun came out today. Hope it makes an appearance there soon.

  18. Diana says: Reply

    If you already recieved this, sorry… having technical difficulties! I was trying to delurk to offer advice.

    Have you tried the UV light thing? Usually, after a diagnosis of SAD, a doctor can prescribe (some insurance companies will pay for some or all the expense) a small UV light that you sit in front of for 20-ish minutes in the morning. I know several people who have been helped by this.

    If you dont’ want to or can’t try this, then here’s hoping that the rain lets up soon, or you take a fabulous tropical vacation. Whichever is more likely 🙂 Good luck.

  19. oh is it depression? My reason is out of sight out of mind. If I only see something when I pass it without having anything in my hand at that moment to clean it up, it wins a reprieve and stays until I make myself get it (which could be weeks). That is why I can leave my tree up (albeit not decorated) in the front room because I close that room off when I come and go. Yes cat puke is one of those things I can leave. If something isn’t directly affronting my senses, I let it go.


  20. Oh and I am not being insensitive to your depression but do know you aren’t alone and I don’t live in the PNE. Hang in there, the sun will come out sometime.


  21. Jenyum says: Reply

    Email me if you’d like to have a playdate, I just have mellowchild until 12 today, and she’s always up for company. tacomamama at gmail dot com

    My theory on my car is that if I don’t clean it for long enough, it will eventually get irritated enough to pick up after its own damn self.

  22. Lee says: Reply

    I have to second what MIL said above! I have to say, I haven’t seen that person in long time, and am kinda worried. I miss laughing with you at the stupid stuff, uh, clever things our husbands can get going on. The nice conversations about life and the what-ifs. Just know I am thinking of you and hope you find a solution that helps you feel better and sticks to your beliefs on health and well-being.
    Love and prayers sent to you,
    P.S. I am MARKING my calendar for a trip to “THE SHOE STORE” in March-I will let you know what day to be there! 🙂

  23. Like Diana said – a trip to the sunny place in the world…. I re-submit my pool and pink float… I might even make you a Cayman Mama (yes, a cheap knock off version of the Bahama Mama)

    ps – Bananas are a great suggestion … same vitamins….

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