Toddler 3.0

We have completed our upgrade from Toddler 2.5 to toddler 3.0. We are finding that this particular model is very similar to the previous, but with a few added features.

Toddler 3.0 has now has a boss and sass feature. This was not covered in the owner’s manual. The boss feature includes plugins such as “No daddy, stop singing” and “I want to drive home from the store.” Sass plugins include “I don’t like that” and “No, I won’t put my coat on.” We are trying to find the debug code for these mechanisms, but so far there isn’t a new driver or download we can find.

This model also has an enhanced scream feature. It is actually an exponential enhancement to the 2.5 scream feature, but has less whine and more volume. The scream feature kicks in at random intervals and can be activated with commands such as “This is what is served for dinner” and “no I think you can breathe on your own.”

Peripherals for this model include additional cars, an increase in game play and a need for picking out its own shirt. The shirt may or may not be clean and must have an image of a train or else the aforementioned scream feature will be activated.

We are experiencing a few malfunctions with the Toddler 3.0 model.

The waste disposal unit is not operating correctly. We thought we had it installed properly, but it is no longer working. We seem to be having issues with accidental release of the rear disposal unit. The front unit appears to be working properly.

Other malfunctions include “I can’t do it” and slow sleep mode. Reprogramming is currently underway.

Added bonuses are an increase in the self clean mechanism, a new song feature that is spontaneous and an upgrade in the communication programing. All which are helpful for the mother unit. That is unless the upgraded communication programing malfunctions with a boss or sass plugin.

For the most part we are irritated with the 3.0 model. It had great promise, but in the end under delivered. Kinda like Windows Vista.

23 Comment

  1. Tracy says: Reply

    Sorry to get such enjoyment out of your misery, but that was way too cute of a post today! Thanks for sharing! =)

  2. Jenny2 says: Reply

    Bwahahahaha – I’m sorry to be laughing at your “problems”, but this is a funny post.

  3. Jan Bartel says: Reply

    I loved your posting today. Sorry to hear about the “bugs” in the 3.0 toddler model. Hope that future upgrades will take care of the problems. Hugs, Aunt Jan

  4. Love it. You have the best ways of describing your present & my future.

  5. Lauri says: Reply

    Hmmm… I expecting my upgrade within the next month… I will be on the lookout for these problems and note any problems my model encounters

  6. Wendy says: Reply

    Don’t worry, Toddler 4.0 is a magical fix. You just have to wait a whole year for it to become available!

  7. Oh I don’t know. Maybe the male 3.0 version didn’t live up to the hype but the female 3.0 is a lot of fun at least for this mother unit. I like the sass sometimes adds a little liveliness to the conversation.


  8. Harlequin "King" Jetta says: Reply

    Gold, pure genious gold post and oh so funny.

    And Toddler 4.0 which turns into 5.0 can be moody and short tempered, so don’t hold your breath. 😉

  9. Hahaha. That’s an awesome post! 🙂

  10. Carla says: Reply

    LOVE it!

  11. Lee says: Reply

    I have to totally agree with “King”! Just when you are lulled into a false sense of security….BAM! Your fun-loving, precious 4 year old turns into a know-it-all, moody, drama queen (king).
    Face it, every age has a stage. The sooner we all realize it, the better we will be. Um…could you please pass that bottle of wine?

  12. Hehe!!

  13. Rhonda says: Reply

    Oh yes. That’s all I’m going to say for right now. Yes, indeed.

  14. Mom says: Reply

    Too funny!!!!!!!!! Very clever writing. (But of course…)

  15. hysterical!

  16. kate says: Reply

    oh. just noticed my name is still toasty. oops.

  17. Lauren says: Reply

    I love this post.

    Sorry, guess I really shouldn’t be laughing….

  18. We’re phasing into that model, and I’m not looking forward to it! Today we have the cycle of “let’s sit on the potty as long as possible so I don’t have to nap.” The child has dark rings under his eyes, started rubbing them during a play date, and is quite whiny. A nap is MUCH needed!

    Please tell me that the 3.0 model is quickly upgraded to the 4.0 model!!!!!

  19. Harlequin "King" Jetta says: Reply

    I hate to disappoint Jessica but my personal experience with 3.0 model is that it remained mostly stuck on 2.5 whiny, tantrum mode until reaching 4.5 model and that’s a cranky version too. 🙂

  20. DebiP says: Reply

    just wait for the 3.5 model it will improve your life style and you will again be a proud mom of a toddler…I am happy so far with my 2.99 model…we will see come November 5 how I am feeling about my 3.0…thanks for the giggle.

  21. Jen says: Reply

    I love this post. Toddler Girl Model 4.0 comes with built in ability to identify subtle inadequacies of food, clothing, entertainment, and pretty much everything mom does. Toddler boy 3.0 sounds more explosive but slightly less irritating.

  22. […] October we upgraded to the toddler 3.0 model. It was over-hyped and amounted to little substance, you know, like Vista. As of this letter […]

  23. […] we receive our new installation of Child 4.0.? We finally are moving past previous versions of Toddler 3.0 and Toddler 3.5.? We have been waiting for this upgrade like Windows Vista users are waiting for […]

Leave a Reply