The worst part of parenting a two year old

Up until now I thought that the worst parts of parenting a two year old were the constant temper tantrums, the significant lack of communication skills and the random hitting. I managed all of those bits. I came out reasonably unscathed. I’m a little dumber than when I went in, but so far I still have at least 2 brain cells to rub together. However, those last 2 cells are getting a run for their money. Nothing, I mean nothing, has prepared me for what we will refer to as teeth. Sure, by two most kids have the majority of their teeth. Parents of the home grown variety have been battling the teething thing for years by this point. Parents of the adopted variety get children with teeth already installed. Of course when the child is developmentally stunted all the teeth are not there yet. We’ve battled one year molars. I survived. But now… now we are facing the two year molars. Holy shit.

At 3:30 this afternoon I looked at the clock and wondered if it was ok to start drinking. My BIL (Uncle Nain) would tell me that if you are asking it is already too late. I had no clue that 2 year molars would be this bad. Of course in my house you have to couple cutting teeth with the added feature of “no.” Yep, the boy has learned the word no. It isn’t just any no though. It is this whiny and bossy, noooooo. Sometimes spoken but most often screamed.

Elle: Boy, are your teeth owee?
Boy: Nooooo! (coupled with a look as if to say, “bitch, stop asking me that”)
Elle: Would you like carrots or peas with dinner?
Boy: Nooooo! (meaning you can give me either, but no matter what you’ll be wearing them)
Elle: Boy, are you poo poo?
Boy: NOOOOO! (yes)

Elle: Get out of my flower bed right now.
Boy: Noooooo!
Elle: I’ll show you no.

You get the picture.

Between the hours of 8:00 a.m. and 6:00 p.m. my child ate a banana. One banana. The second I set his lunch down in front of him he tried to chuck it at me. I removed the food and he proceeded to scream. That type of scream that is so loud that they almost make themselves throw up. I put him down for a nap. I seriously considered starting the drinking then.

With all the screaming and no saying I’ve kept my cool pretty well. I’ve been regularly taking a “med*” to help with the crazies. So far it seems to be working. I ran out today so you may want to be checking Ebay by the end of the week.

For Sale: Cute toe-headed toddler. Rubs chin and says, “I don’t know.” Likes Indian food the third Thursday of months ending in Q. Has an unnatural fascination with fans and toilets, but is afraid of public washrooms. Will charm the pants off of you my saying, “mung on mama.”

*Med meaning natural supplement of 5-HTP that is seratonin booster and seems to be working.

42 Comment

  1. Wendy says: Reply

    Well, I see you have discovered the secret that other Mommy’s are sworn to not reveal. Big molars equals big trouble. There are tablets you can buy, all natural, in the baby aisle. You place them under their tongues and they dissolve instantly. I was a complete skeptic, but they seemed to have magical powers on my son. The screaming would just stop, instantly. I know, how can that be? I’m a scientist and I have absolutely no clue how they work, but they do.
    As the mom of another skinny-minnie I know it’s super hard not to worry about the eating issue. I feel for you there. Trying to get enough nutrients into their tiny bodies is a constant struggle. I wish I had a magic pill for that one…..

    Hugs!!! (and earplugs)

  2. kate says: Reply

    Ah ha! My timing has at long last coincided with the reply feature on your post (yes, I’ve been THAT far behind). And now…I’m nothing pithy to say.

    Hoping something gives soon–either the teeth or the no’s. I’m betting on the teeth.

  3. Liv says: Reply

    Listen to Wendy. Run out and get some teething tablets now. It can’t hurt and they really do work well. Also, popsicles, frozen waffles, frozen vegetables, frozen fruit, Ambesol,and Tylenol. Teething is not fun Love. And the Boy already seems to be a super sensitive child. All you can do is try to comfort and more than likely he will shun that.

  4. NEAL says: Reply

    Hylands Teething Tablets.

    Safeway and Fred Meyer both carry ’em.

    We’ve used them on all three kids, all three are still around…even after one decided to enjoy 1/2 a bottle.

  5. Mom says: Reply

    There isn’t a parent out there that can forget the teething whoas. Tylenol for him and a glass of wine for you!

  6. Just the other day, one of my co-workers was talking about these teething tablets. So I think it’s a great suggestion – can’t hurt!

    I think you are doing a wonderful job with the whole parenting thing. Keepin’ it real for those of us who are about to venture into this territory – I absolutely appreciate that! 🙂

    Yeah, holler at me before you put him on Ebay…I’ll take him!! 😉

    Hang in there! (easy for me to say at this point, right??)

  7. Oy you have my sympathies, Elle!

    We were lucky enough that the Princess’s 1 years had already broken through upon receipt, and we never even noticed much issues with the 2 year molars coming in.

    The Teeny Twosome on the other hand are going through the FIRST round… No teeth yet, but man are they crank butts…devouring anything that gets near their mouth as though they did have teeth. (and getting down right ticked off if you take any object from their mouth). I’m pulling my hair out, here…

    The No syndrome however… Well, can I join you for that wine? 😀

  8. Lee says: Reply

    I don’t think I’d have much of an appetite either, if I had teeth coming in! Probably feels like #*&%. I went the Motrin (lasts longer and helps with the inflammation) and Popsicle route with B. I wish I had known about the teething tablets! She also had a fever of 101 when she got her molars, along with full body rash(?).
    Hang in there, kisses to our nephew and you too!
    Auntie Lee

  9. Rhonda says: Reply

    Ha! “I’ll show you no”. I love that line.

    Clyde is done with the teething, but he has a bad case of the No’s. And after the No’s comes the Mine’s. Mine. Mine. Mine. Then, they shake it up and do a “No. Mine.” on you.


  10. DebiP says: Reply

    you got it all wrong..a shot of brandy for each of you…call me in the morning!!

  11. Lauri says: Reply

    We are right there with you…. it sucks big time

    I know it hurts… my wisdom teeth hurt like hell coming in

  12. Cyndi Blanchette says: Reply

    ok, i was googling 2 year molars and came across your page. I just have to say – you are HILARIOUS!!!I am reading aloud your page (and some responses) to my husband while in bed! I have a 20 month old and I think he might be starting his 2 year molars. for the past 2 days (today especially) he has been REALLY cranky. And it seems the only word he now knows is NO! He won’t even let me look in his mouth long enough to see if I can see anything coming in. I thought I felt something, but it might have just been the pressure of him biting me!!! Anyway, I just had to comment on your page! You seem like a lot of fun!! Hope The Boy made it through and you didn’t have to sell him on Ebay!!!

  13. Gretchen says: Reply

    Ditto for me…laughing (or am I now crying) hysterically! I think I’ve just discovered that it’s not the croupe that my 23 mo old has dealt with this week that’s making him (me) crazy, it’s those f-ing TEETH! He’s so tired at night but all of a sudden refuses to sleep in his bed, now he’s just refusing to sleep in general. Thanks a million for the laugh. It’s nice to be reminded we’re not alone. There are 2 yr olds all over the world saying no right now in a million languages! And I could quote the same exact (word for word) toddler conversation you had above…on a daily basis.

  14. Amy says: Reply

    Thank God for you all!! I am going crazy with my little one (27 mo.)- no sleeping, no eating and his nick name in my household is the “crank bucket”. He moanes like crazy!! He has been an excellent sleeper since birth- not anymore. He doesn’t want to go to sleep, or even look at his crib. He only wants to be rocked or sleep with Mommy and Daddy- yikes!! I feel so bad because I thought it was a sleep problem before figuring on the teeth- what a dummy I am…. still learning to be that perfect Mom- hang in there everyone!

  15. Kimberly says: Reply

    OMG!! Just googling 2year molars and came across your page. I was seriously “stressing” out this morning thinking that my 33 year old month daughter is actually possessed by something. LOL. Seriously, she won’t sleep, won’t eat, won’t drink and when she does sleep she wakes up in the middle of the night “screaming” for mommy and then when I’m there she still screams. I tried to brush her teeth this morning and she “freaked” out!!! I actually thought her jaw might be broken for some unknown reason. She’s fallen out of her toddler bed a couple times since this crankiness began, so I thought maybe…. I am going crazy!!!! I am so worried about her. We can’t even “get” far enough in her mouth to see if it is her 2 year molars, but my husband thinks it is. Anyway, thatnks so much for the chuckle and I do feel a little calmer after reading the entries.

  16. Doug says: Reply

    If you live anywhere near Philadelphia, we need to hangout. You just described my life. I love your uncle’s advice.

    I’ll leave you with some words of honesty from Paul Simon.

    Well, that was your mother
    And that was your father
    Before you was born dude
    When life was great
    You are the burden of my generation
    I sure do love you
    But let’s get that straight

  17. allie says: Reply

    OMG ur so funny and write how i would explain it i just took my 22 mo old to jamaica for thanksgiving it was an absolute nightmare – my only saving grace was the resort had a kids club w/ all inclusive nannies i cried my last day as the nannies were so great with him – he screamed so loud he threw up on me on the flight – never again!!! How long does this all last?? I did see one upper molar has broken through

  18. jackie says: Reply

    10:41 pm and the night is just beginning in my house…I just had to go inside of my walk-in closet to scream. The clothes muffle the sound of the screaming that my 18 month old has driven me to the past few nights. She is getting her 2 yr old molars early, just like everything else she has done! I googled 2 yr old molars like others had before me and it led me to you. Your blog and the comments of others have eased my pain with the laughter. THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! My 8 yr old never had teething pain like this…or else something makes us forget as mothers, just like the pain of childbirth ;o) You are awesome Elle, I feel better knowing I am not alone!

  19. Heather says: Reply

    I like other mother’s and father’s came accross your blog and said holy crap! You and your bloggers made me feel normal I thought I was loosing my mind. A 3am trip to wal-mart to find anything that could possible help (didn’t). I to was told aboout the Hyland tabs and cream so my husband is on a mission as I am typing! Something has to help or I may result to the whiskey! My grandparents and mother used it and I am still here. Thanks for all the info!

  20. Tammy says: Reply

    This was great I am on child #4 and His molars have just started coming through(2ys) I do not remember this awfulness with my other 3,He is getting to be worse of a sleeper and driving me nuts glad to know there are more Mums like me out there ;p

  21. Heather says: Reply

    Like the others, I came across while googling. I am the step-mama of my almost 2yr old (in 1 week) but have her full time. OMG!!! She can be satan one minute and a complete angel the next. I think we are just starting the teething and reading your comments…I AM SCARED TO DEATH NOW…LOL. We now have what we call the “whiny” chair becuase that is basically all she does about 85% of the day…whine whine whine. I am thinking I now know why my parents rubbed whiskey on my gums…shit, they werent rubbing it, they were giving me a shot of it to shut me up….LMAO!!! Its nice to hear other parents that are going through the same hell, and doesnt it kill you when people say, “I know you wont believe this, but this is the best age”. I just wanna kick them…Thanks again for the ear and the site!

  22. I think I birthed Satin's Spawn says: Reply

    I too have come across your site and I am totally feeling the frustration right about now. I can’t tell if she is teething her two year molars or not, but I do have bite wounds on my fingers from where I have tried to feel around!! Luckily I have not had to deal with the “no” stage I guess I should probably say yet however my girl is 25months old. She has transitioned into the “mine” phase and an extention of that is “pweeze”(please) with a nasty attitude and jerking whatever she wants from my hands. She is also 90% whine bag and it is like nails on a chalk board to me. Luckily I am pregnant with baby #2 so I cannot indulge in alcohol or I would probably be an alcoholic by now. I do however take antidepressants and it is helping greatly. I know it is risky but I am under strict medical supervision, the reason I am on it is because I had postpardum with my 1st and it never got resolved and then God thought it would be funny to surprise me with this pregnancy despite my birth control pill. Yeah!!!! My doctors are in fear that my postpardum issues will get steadily worse especially after the birth of my second and with the “crazy” gene running in my family already, I agree with them. I don’t think I could mentally make it this pregnancy without my meds!! Anyways, about my beautiful satin spawn, she is a bag full of whines, nothing can please her, she won’t eat healthy, and I have currently spent a fortune in Parenting books to finally realize I am possibly in the teething stage….again!! I only wish my closest was big enough for me to get in there and scream. I am a stay at home mom and I am really wishing I was not at this time! Boy, what I would give to have a job right now!! Well, if I have any hair left on my head, I might just go out and get a job after the second baby is born, who cares if my income is only going to pay for them to be in daycare…I don’t know if I can handle this again. And I thought that staying home would be awesome. LOL, who was I kidding.

  23. Stefan says: Reply

    I am a single dad with no family within 500 miles nor any friends who assist. My daughter, just two a few weeks ago was hit with her molars coming in, pneumonia, and all the terrible two stuff. Glad to read that others are having the same experience. I have re-discovered the joys of wine with dinner, and sometimes lunch.

  24. Funkcoolo says: Reply

    The poor little bubs going through such hell, a doctor told me that if we went through it as adults, we would be bed ridden and on morphine, it is so painful and wisdom teeth are no comparison to the 2 year molars……….
    So what we need to do, is be compassionate and forget about how shitty “we” feel and just give them lots of love and hugs and stay calm and dont cry or yell or break down.

    Now that ive just written as calmly as possible…………………

    HOLY HELL…..pass that bottle of grog my way, give me wine, give me rum, I dont care but I need some something here….My 28month old is doing such a number on me, my head has been spinning like Linda Blair. Her daddy works away and when he calls in a real happy mood going “hi babe hows things” all he gets is “I am not cut out to be a mother, I cant do this job, I need a life, Im going insane rah rah grrrrrrrr”………….

    I dont know what it is about hearing other people are suffering in the exact same way with their toddlers but for some strange reason it just makes you go aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh and feel better….

    Thanks Elle and commentors

  25. Alec's mom says: Reply

    Okay, so how long do they last? I’m so crabby from hearing all of the “noooo’s” all day and hearing all of the whining, my husband barely recognizes me when he gets home. He tells me he loves me and I tell him I love NOTHING right now. I have a 1 month old and a 23 month old. HELP ME! The 23 month old is getting his two year molars and he wakes up in the night for the first time since he was 1-3 months old. I have them both up, crying, whining all night. I need to know when I can expect it to end!!! Please advise.

  26. Angela says: Reply

    Oh my gosh, I thought I was going crazy! Today my 23 month old daughter was like a complete stranger to me…she’s not herself; she’s just emotional and upset about everything! She whined and cried from the minute she woke up till I put her down for her nap, and she won’t eat anything! She has had a fever on and off for 3 days, and in the middle of one of her major breakdowns this afternoon, I had a breakdown as well!! I am pregnant and hormonal and 3 days of constant crabbiness had gotten to me, and I lost it!! I called my mom crying and she told me to try rubbing ora-gel on the back of her gums with a q-tip and the moment I did that, the crying stopped! Then she snuggled me and fell asleep!…Thank God!! So that is what got me to google 2-year-molars and I came accross this website, and for once, I actually laughed today and felt that i wasn’t alone in this whole crazy raising a 2-year-old thing!

  27. Misha says: Reply

    OMG this is the story of my life! Since my son was born he has been teething (ok well it started at 4 months). He was cranky for MONTHES at time, chewed his hands, went through periods of not eating, and slept horribly (4am up for the day) until he was about 16 months old… After a 4 month teething-free time (THANK YOU FOR THAT AT LEAST), he is now getting his two year molars at 27months old. HE isn’t eating much. I have a suggestion for other mom’s of non-eaters, give them SMOOTHIES! You can blend a bananna, strawberries (fresh or frozen), yoghurt, blueberries, any fruit really and get some Greens+ Kids (just use less if your kid is under 2.5) and mix that in too for added nutrients. Works for my son as he LOVES it and can’t taste or see the green stuff at all! I also give him Flintstone vitamins when he goes through a no-eating period… Good luck to everyone out there, it is HELL for some kids (and parents). My husband and I have never drank so much wine in the eavenings after bedtime as we did during teething… UGH!

  28. Lisa says: Reply

    Misha: what is greens + kids? My 18 mo old is just starting with the excessive drooling, all fingers in mouth, not eating, drinking a LOT, cranky, unsettled sleep- so I think this is it.

  29. Mom of two rugrats says: Reply

    Thanks so much for the comments and advice. I have had a really stressful couple of days dealing with my 27 month old and her molars. She just stayed awake today from 8 am to 11 pm. with no nap at all. I have lost my temper with her several times and I am trying to get ready for a very important test for my career. It feels good to read and share and just laugh knowing that I am not the only one dealing with this. Thanks again.

  30. Keira says: Reply

    Hi all – I too laughed while reading these posts and was glad to hear I was not alone! My suggestion – distraction by other two year olds (and the popsicles). Last night I took Mr Cranky-pants to visit one of his friends and they were having such a good time he forgot to be cranky for 45 minutes. Good luck!

  31. mom to a cranky muffin says: Reply

    holy crap….it is nice to know i didn’t give birth to the antichrist….last night and today i was certainly having doubts. all she wants to eat is frozen waffles and ice pops. now i feel alot better knowing we are hardly alone. she too is a big time whiner….it really gets to you after a while….does it just stop on it’s own, or do you have to try to curb it now, someway or somehow? i can’t handle 18 years of that whine!

  32. i myself may just cry!!! says: Reply

    WOW!!! i am unfortunately experiencing the same thing the rest of you are! i have even asked my mom if she remembers going through anything like this with her kids, but some how time has waped her memory and says that all her kids were angels, i’m so glad to know that i’m not the only one experiencing, this, especially the whining and evil little looks that a child who was so sweet 2 weeks ago can give!

  33. Shannon says: Reply

    I too came across your blog by researching molars. However, instead of a praise for your “humor” and “wisdom”, I have a question. Since when do “Parents of the adopted variety get children with teeth already installed.”? My son had no teeth when I adopted him b/c he was an infant. Ignorant comment on your part.

  34. emily says: Reply

    Omg!!! Thank u Lord I am not the only one going through this!!!! I thought I was losing my mind! Thank u to everyone for their posts that are helpful (the tablets) and everyone else for letting me know I am not alone!!! I didn’t know about 2 year molars!! They are awful! Hope this ends soon!!! You are right though it is a constant screaming and noooooo to everything even after she asks specifically for it! Can’t wait to get some tablets!

  35. Aphrobella says: Reply

    Ok I know this was originally posted in 2007 but man it is now & will forever be relevant!My lil princess is 28 mos & man oh man she’s been driving me nuts! Everything certainly is no except when I ask if her mouth hurts that gets a yes. She’s been teeting since she was 4 mos & 1st tooth broke thru @ 9 mos. I thought we were all through w/teething boy was I wrong! I keep & strongly reccommend Hylands teething strips. They are a life saver!! They even come w/ a coupon for your next box. put the lil strip on their tongue & they are back to sleep in 1minute..time it if u don’t believe me! No as for the alcohol, on the way to the liqur store right now…

  36. Courtney says: Reply

    Here is something original “I searched on google and found this site” oh wait that’s how everyone else got here too. My son has been a monster for two months. The past month he has been more slippery than an eel from the drool. We’re talking Turner and Hooch. He also keeps saying his “throat” hurts while he puts his hands to his cheeks. Last weekend he spiked a fever and yakked up a whole bunch of mucous/slobber and was fine afterwards. Thought it was just a 24 hour bug. Now this weekend he spiked another fever – has been yakking again today. No appetite for a normally voracious eater, sore face, vomit, fever, cranky = yup 2 year molars. Crap I’ll be glad when this ordeal is over.

  37. Tiffany says: Reply

    I also googled terrible two’s & cae across this site! I’ve got too say I’m so happy with relief that i’m not going through this alone! My daughter has always been an angel up until her molars came in! She won’t sleep or eat! We have a nutritionist coming too work with her! She has been so messed up on her sleeping time that she is staying up until the next morning, everyday! And her tatrums have been nonstop! I feel like i’m going crazy! And the bad thing about buying the teethers is that she will NOT let me stick anything in her mouth! She used too love tylenol & now refuses it! I also used too give her the teethers but I know she will refuse them as well! I try too stay cool, calm, & collected but it’s getting very hard lately! Advice does help but does not solve problems.. wish it would! Until then my daughter will be 3 in Septmeber so I hope these problems will be gone & over with! Good luck too all the other mothers going through this! It’s hard but hang in there & give your child all the support & love you have because it will not last forever.. cherish the moments because they will be grown before you know it!

  38. Gaye says: Reply

    Well I am one of those “think your so cool and together” grandma’s that lost her cool with a two year old today, I was so glad he cryed “I want my Mommy” because it gave me a good reason to BRING HIM HOME. It gives me great appreciation of my good daughter in law who also has a 1 yr old at home and is expecting a baby in May. As much as we love each other and we are close, that little two yr old can evoke emotions from me I long thought I had removed from my personality. I guess it’s true “Misery loves company” because it’s compforting to read they are all full of No’s and my God how can they be so good at giving shitty looks in just two years??? Thanks for reminding me my precious, loving, brillant grandson is normal. Gaye

  39. Susan says: Reply

    So, I like everyone found this site researching the two year molars. I have to say with some of the posts I laughed until I cried. I knew my daughter’s molars were coming in when right before her 2nd b-day she spiked out a 101 fever. Ever since, it’s been a constant stream of whining, no’s, and this past week screaming in the middle of the night. I just had my son 6 weeks ago, so most of the time I’m up feeding him when she comes running in. We have resorted to putting her in our room, Advil when she swells, cold and crunch-able food. and a good stiff drink at night. My advice, for the couples, make time for each other, as my husband says everything is good till about 10 am then all hell breaks loose until 9 that night. But once they go to sleep, you regain some of the sanity you lost during the day.

  40. […] out the issue.  We think he’s getting 6 year molars.  If you remember molars and our family don’t mix.  Let’s move on shall […]

  41. Melissa says: Reply

    Thank God for all the comments on this page! I am writing from Sydney, Australia, and I am praying those Hyland tablets are available here! Our son turned 2 5 days ago, and the past 2 days and nights have been hell! Complete personality change, massive temper tantrums, kicking, and a HUGE case of the NOs! He is sleeping on me right now, won’t go near my husband, and the only time I can escape is in the toilet…well, when there’s someone else here! Got a holiday booked next week so praying it’s over by then. good luck to you all and your angels, I am hugging and comforting my baby as much as I can, but it’s so hard, and I’m so glad to know I’m not going nuts! Xx

  42. Paige says: Reply

    Great blog post…I googled 2 year molars, and every result was parents cursing the teeth. Mine does the food thing…wont eat but when i take the food away or refuse him more he screams, although he will eat junk food just fine of course, while he is a usual veggie lover. I guess cookies are just comforting no matter what your age.

    Im losing my mind, he screams all day every day and just isnt himself…he is usually a ray of sunshine. His brother didnt even flinch while getting any of his teeth…Im paying for that now!

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