I’ve had a post written for quite a while about what today is.? Originally it started as a memory and I never published it.? I looked at a calendar yesterday and realized what day tomorrow (today) was.? I knew.? I just didn’t want to remember.? I sat down and looked at the previously written post and altered it.? I thought I’d have it in my arsenal to publish today.? Yesterday I logged out of my dashboard satisfied that I had my post planned for the next day.? Best laid plans I guess.
For those of you who don’t know what today is, or simply don’t remember, today marks two years since we were informed Alexander was adopted by a Russian family.? For those of you who are new you can read the stories here and here.? While this day is difficult, it is also a reminder of what we went through to become parents to the most adorable child in the entire universe.? A labor longer and more painful than many have ever experienced.? That isn’t to say that others haven’t waited longer.? But painful and long nonetheless.
My journey to motherhood is unlike any of my girlfriends (except Kathou) have experienced.? I have girlfriends who have had miscarriages.? I have girlfriends who have had c-sections.? I have girlfriends who have given difficult home births.? But I don’t have a single girlfriend (except Kathou) who held her baby and had to give him back.? None have videos of their children laughing.? Photos of the very first time they met them and the moment they said goodbye.? Not knowing that it would be goodbye forever.
Adoption is not for the faint of heart.? It takes strength to deal with the raw emotion of the process.? It is a burden you carry and the world doesn’t see it.? There is no physical proof that you are waiting for something.? Well, there may be.? Some have a significant weight change or like me, hair loss. Many of us wait quietly.
When all is said and done we long for the day that we become just plain old mom.? I tried to shirk the “mom to a PI kid” label as quickly as possible.? I am still cautious of some behaviors, but for the most part my child your run of the mill 3 year old.? And once you reach that level you can’t help but be offended when someone doesn’t recognize the struggle you went through to get that child.
I get irritated at those that assume that since you are a mother you automatically gave birth to your child.? I am never one to bring up birth stories simply because I don’t have my own to share.? So when we were having a small party for the boy’s teacher (who is going on maternity leave) I found myself taken aback by something another mother said.
The teacher sat down on a stool and apologized for any miscellaneous body parts that might be sticking out.? (she’s quite huge pregnant)? I said, “that’s ok, we don’t mind.”? A classmate’s mother piped up and said, “yep, we’ve all been there.”? … ? … ? …
I sat there with my mouth a little agape and blurted out, “Well, I haven’t”? That woman backtracked faster than Hillary Clinton playing down Geraldine Ferraro’s asshat comments.? I was offended.? Highly offended.? I wanted to sit down with that mother and explain to her why.? However it wasn’t the appropriate moment.? But for it to happen today of all day’s I’ll never know.
So while I’ve never been huge and waddly I have carried my fair share of expectant mom weight.? Weight people will never see.? Weight in the form of a (now) 3 1/2 year old, brown eyed little boy living somewhere in Far East Siberia.