There is this fine line with this PI kid of mine. It is a fine line of behavior between “normal” and “PI.” You would think that after over 5 years out of the institutional setting he would have adjusted to being just a regular kid. It just isn’t the case in this house.
To the casual observer my child is just like any other 6 year old. He runs, he plays, he laughs, he throws fits. When I talk to my friends about their homegrown kids it all sounds just like Oleg. Neighbor parents and teachers all tell me how smart, kind and nice he is. It’s true. Outside of our house he is a perfect gentleman. He came home from school the other day to proudly proclaim that the teacher excused him for recess by himself because he was sitting quietly waiting while the other kids in the class were goofing around. That’s mah boy.
When he’s home it’s a different story. His ability to control emotions, make decisions and listen are non-existent. I’m pretty convinced that the child holds his shit together so well outside of our house that when he’s home he lets it all out. However, the level to which he lets it out varies from day to day and could be considered on the scale of “normal” to some.
This child may seem “normal” to you, but I assure you he is most certainly unique.
Oleg continues to have sensory issues as well as transition and mood regulation issues. The sensory issues are much less severe than they once were and no longer interfere with daily life. I can’t tell you what a blessing that is. He still doesn’t like loud sounds (who does) and will often think that a crinkling newspaper will be as loud as a fire alarm and cover his ears. I accredit his preschool teacher with working on overcoming the majority of the auditory issues. He’s moved on to smelling everything. It really isn’t a great quality when it comes to the multiple chicken coops that are around our house.
The transition and mood regulation issues are what we deal with most. Any given trip outside of our house involves a long conversation about where we are going, what roads we will take, who will or will not be there, what it will smell like, what it will sound like, how long we will be there and how many things are we purchasing. If there is any deviation in the plan he will fly off the handle and it is quite difficult to bring him down.
I know there are so many other families out there who have it much more difficult than we do. We’ve been quite fortunate in that Oleg’s PI issues are rather minor. However, there is that fine line. That line that says he is a typical 6 year old but he’s a 6 year old that spent the first two years of his life in an institution.
What’s my point? No point really. Just letting you know the status of where we stand 5 years post orphanage.
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re; the long conversations about the plans and the rigid expectations, we were advised to hold our cards very close to our chests. The kids will ask and I will usually respond with the bare minimum of detail and the reminder that they have me to worry about the details, they can just enjoy the ride. On the few times that we have allowed full disclosure, A & J both act just like Oleg does, so it is for sure a PI issue.
Oh boy, been there done that, have the t-shirt to prove it. The level of anxiety that any teeny tiny change brings about is astronomical. We recently started S on an anti-seizure med that works on the temporal lobe of the brain. It’s a very low dose, just enough to slow down that portion a wee bit and allow him a small window of time to THINK before he reacts. It has been a GODSEND! The idea is that his brain will slowly heal from the damage done by trauma and after a while he will be able to do this on his own without meds. All I can say is that if it gives my sweet, messed-up boy a chance at truly normal, then it’s worth the shot. Oleg is much less affected than S, but it might be worth looking into. Sending huge hugs and kisses!
Thank you ladies for sharing. I love that I have a network of other moms that understand.
Suzanne, I try to “force” him to go along for the ride. I’ll try rephrasing a few things to see if it helps.
Wendy, I’m not to medicating yet, but I’ll keep it in mind.
I also use a lot of natural supplements and those helped a lot. The doctor had prescribed ADHD meds and we tried them, but I hated them so much. We were only using supplements for a long time when he acted out in a couple of instances in ways that forced us to intervene in a much stronger manner. Truly dangerous behaviors aimed at hurting himself and others. Hopefully you will never have to come to that point. Sending hugs!