My favorite time of year is when each season changes into the next.? However, I have the worst time with Summer into Autumn.? You would think this would be my favorite because Summer is my least favorite season and Autumn ranks right up there with Spring.? One would also assume that the person dealing with SAD would be at their lowest in Winter.? While it is true that January is not a good month for me, September is a close second.? It is that whole transition with day length and temperature change that gets me.
Last year I spent nearly the entire month of September in Russia.? It was the best September I have ever experienced simply because I was there to get my son.? This year is a little different.
This year I am dealing with my child growing up, potty training, trying to work (my piddly little 20 hours a month), start a web design “business*,” various and assorted church activities and throw in some fun time with my child.? It leaves little time for myself.? The weather change does not help matters.
I wake up every day and tell myself that I am going to be patient, kind and not yell.? I am not going to let the child push my buttons and I am going to take a more logical approach to parenting.? This typically gets me to at least lunch time.? Yesterday it got me through lunch, through nap, to the fabric store and nearly home before I lost it.
The boy informed me that he needed to go potty at the fabric store.? Great!? We went, he tried, but was preoccupied by the lady in the stall next to us .? Fine.? I’m not going to force him.? The fact that he will even step foot in a public restroom is a miracle.? So on the way home he tells me he wants to go potty at school.? Nevermind the fact that we are no where near his school, dinner wasn’t even started and he had to leave to go to music class in 20 minutes.? Throw in that I had the worst stomach cramps and thought I was going to die.? I discussed with my near 3 year old that he could try on the potty at school on Thursday when he went back, but for now we were going home.? Thus the screaming starts.
I calm him down just to have him start screaming again.? We get home, I get him to the potty because he says he has to go and he immediately tells me he wants to sit to go pee (he’s now going on the potty, but standing).? I put the potty seat on and sit him down, to which he begins the banshee scream.? For. no. reason.? I took him off the potty and tried to get him to put his pants on.? He threw his underpants at me.? This is where I lost my shit.? I dressed him, he’s still screaming.? I close his door and walk away.? Still screaming.? I then threw a hissy fit.? Not a shining moment in my parenting life.? But I did.? It stopped him from screaming.? I was so at my whits end that I sat on the kitchen floor and sobbed.? And sobbed.? And sobbed.
I calmed myself down to open my eyes to see how nasty my kitchen floor really was.? Which made me think that my housekeeping skills are seriously lacking.? Which made me start sobbing again.? 15 minutes later I pulled myself together enough to say goodbye to the boy as his father took him to music class and to start dinner.
At bed time the trusty husband told me that a friend request I call her about my own attendance in music.? I again lost it.? Those thoughts of, I’m a terrible mother, I’m a terrible friend, I need help but don’t want to be a burden to anyone, I’m a terrible wife started to seep in again.? It’s time.? The depression season is upon us.? I’m afraid I’m nearing the edge of the mommy apocalypse.