Superhuman

In an attempt to be more healthy around here I’ve cut out all non essential snacks.? This means no more bags of little candy bars and no cookies.? Let’s not look in my fridge at the moment shall we.? You won’t see a 3lb container of Chocolate Chip Cookie dough.? Shuddup… I’m PMSing.? It’s like Beth and the Cookie Crisp.? It would qualify as an essential snack.? I may or may not eat it directly out of the container.

So in this grandiose gesture to make our lives just a little healthier I thought fruit might be a good option for a sweet treat.? And since it’s winter those delectable little boxes of Satsumas are everywhere.? Our local veg market is selling a 5lb box for $4.99.? In my neck of the woods this isn’t terrible.? It’s better than the $2.50 chocolate bars I’ve been known to purchase.

I bought a box of oranges last week.? It is the 3rd I’ve bought this season.? The first one was OK.? The second… we threw out 1/2 because they tasted bad, sat in our pantry for 3 weeks and rotted.? But last week’s box… it was like little bits of healthy crack.? Kinda like a Lays potato chip *mmmm Lays potato chips* you can’t eat just one.

If you run into me on the street and pick pocket me you are likely to only find oranges.? I squirrel them away in my purse, my coat pockets, the cup holder of my car and there may be a few adding some emphasis in the chest area.? You know, for that orange emergency that might pop up.? I have eaten so many of these things my hands smell permanently like orange.? It’s a cross between Johnson’s baby lotion and citrus.? I may have a new marketing gimmick here.

I have eaten so many oranges I’m beginning to believe that I’m going to have a super immune system come this spring. I may be as bold as to walk into my son’s preschool class not wearing a protective mask.? You know those toddlers.? Carrier monkeys, all of them.? I’m going to be able to kick scurvy’s ass with one of my pointy toed stilletos.? Because scurvy is such a big problem here in the northwest.? Isn’t it in your state?? I’m worried about it.? You should be too.

I think the oranges are making me delusional.