Strange Family Contest: Round 2

I copied and pasted Kimberly’s entry out of my email so it totally screwed up the post and I can’t edit it anymore. So I’m starting a new post with today’s submissions. For the rules on the contest and yesterday’s round please visit this post. Here is where we left off…

Elle: My cousin was married at age 17. It was legal even without parental consent because she married into a Native American tribe. That husband fathered two of her 9 children. Yes, 9. This cousin is 33 years old and has given birth to 9 children. That is an average of 1 child every 1.7 years. None of them are multiples. 2 have 1 dad, 2 have a different dad and we aren?t sure how many fathers the others have. How many does she have in her custody? 1. She has given up every single one of them for adoption before the state could take them away. (In WA if the state takes away a child due to drug abuse they will also remove any subsequent children) Every time she gives birth (children 5-9) she has told my grandmother that she has ?been fixed.?

I will admit that I had to think long and hard to try to beat this next one. I have a few Trump cards that I can’t pull publicly, but I have a few more stories up my sleeve.

Another trip my parents sneaked us out of the house, um trailer, one night to a hotel because they were afraid that my manic depressive aunt was going to stab us all to death (presumably due to jealousy that my mom – her sister – had a husband and three kids – and she had none). (The aunt got messed up sometime in the 50s after undergoing electric shock treatments for depression and drinking.)


My grandparents had (at one point) 23 grandchildren from 7 children. They now have 19 grandchildren because of divorce/breakups. Those 19 grandchildren have produced 21 great-grandchildren and one of those is both a grandchild and great-grandchild. Of those 19 grandchildren (that are actually direct family members and not married into the family) only 4 were born while the parents were married. 1 (lil’ bro) was conceived pre-marital and born after the wedding.

This is starting to get difficult.? I was going to have to go with my friend from the north’s dad married the babysitter, but this one is better.


Hey my dad got married and didn?t tell me too! ?and he only lives 5 blocks away.? ?and I was with him that morning!


The cousin with 9 children has given all but 1 up for adoption.? (I mentioned that)? But another cousin adopted one of cousin with 9 children’s daughters.? Cousin with 9 children relinquished the child at birth and the child went into foster care.? Adoptive cousin took the baby when she was 2 months old. I’m not 100% sure if they are telling the little girl she is adopted.? Either way my Uncle’s 50th birthday party was last spring and adoptive cousin was there with her kids.? Cousin with 9 kids showed up unexpectedly after a prolonged absence from family activities to find adoptive cousin and the baby (who is now 4) there.? Ak-ward.

I’m having a hard time beating some of the latest entries.? A. Lurker is currently the favorite and that is because all of the events happened with one person.? I usually triumph in this contest because all of my stories happen with one set of grandparents, 7 of their children, 9 spouses/significant others, 23 grandchildren and 21 great-grandchildren.? This does not include any great grandparents and nor do we live in the south.

I’m not going to put the text of A. Lurker’s entry, but it can be found below in the comments.? This is what I have.


My dad’s met a woman in a bar.? He dated her for a while and then ended up moving in with her.? We thought dad was settling down after his previous nomadic existence.? Turns out the woman was pregnant.? Conservative grandmother made dad marry the woman (even though grandmother didn’t like that the woman came from a Catholic family).? Woman had 3 sons from a previous marriage.? On the morning of the wedding grandmother thought it disrespectful that woman was showing in the pregnancy and hid a girdle in a bag to make things a little more discreet.? Woman seemed fairly normal until one day we found out that the oldest of her sons was fathered by a different man and the man son knew as his father didn’t know.? Then woman gives birth to my second brother (baby bro) 18 months after giving birth to lil’ bro.? Woman wants to do fun family activities, but needs someone to watch her antique shop so she sticks me in the shop (I was 14) for the whole day while the family does fun things.? Eventually dad wises up when woman starts skimming money from dad’s construction business.? Dad leaves.? Dad finds out that woman is committing unemployment fraud and threatens to report her.? She claims she’s stopped.? We find out that woman has been diagnosed and institutionalized (prior to dad marrying her) for multiple personality syndrome.? Dad and woman divorce, boys go with woman.? Woman calls dad and says she can’t handle the boys.? Boy go to live with dad.? Woman calls, wants boys back.? Woman meets man on the internet.? Woman gets pregnant with internet man’s baby (boy #6, father #4).? Brothers become babysitters.? Woman calls dad and says she can’t handle the boys.? Dad gets boys and sues for custody.? Lil’ bro continues to go back and forth beteween woman and dad, because dad is strict.? LIl’ bro ends up getting nicked for posession and suspended from school.

21 Comment

  1. Oh this is fun! People are pulling out the big guns though…I figured start small and work up to the really scary stuff.

    My thought for today – still pretty mild:
    My dad got married (wife #2) and didn’t tell me. We weren’t estranged or anything – he just never thought to mention it. I found out a couple of months later from my new step sisters because they didn’t know that I didn’t know. Apparently the vacation he told me about was actually a honeymoon (guess that explains the Virginia is for Lovers t-shirt he brought me back).

  2. How about this…

    I was born a poor black child in the swamps of Loos-iana….

    Oh wait, that’s Steve Martin’s “The Jerk”…

    Um… I was comfirmed as a Lutheran and started going to an Episcopal church when I was 27?

  3. Friend from the North says: Reply

    Dad married the babysitter.

  4. Sheelah says: Reply

    Hey my dad got married and didn’t tell me too! …and he only lives 5 blocks away.

  5. Sheelah says: Reply

    …and I was with him that morning!

  6. Esther says: Reply

    I have to say I laughed aloud at Sheelah’s story. Too funny.
    Elle-wow! your family rivals mine:

    My dad is an alcoholic, ocd, hoarder, filandering jerk (who I will not allow near me). My mom is a (mentally) disabled woman who has been sitting in her recliner since I was three yrs old. My sister was gang raped at age 4 by my aunt’s husband & friends. She didn’t talk really after that. Fortuneately she went on to get 2 PhD’s and thinks she’s smarter than the whole wide world on parenting, even though she has no kids. We were in her local town on vacation and I asked to use the phone for our lawsuit. She said “no.” Who doesn’t let someone use their phone? My aunt divorced her husband (rapist) and there are restraining orders against him. And for the coup de graw (sp?), my husband’s mother has four kids by 3 or 4 men. We still aren’t sure who the fathers are, except my husband. His dad is the only person everyone knows for sure is his dad. His mom had two kids as a single young chickie, hooked up with my FIL & they married, had my husband a year later. FIL died a few months later. MIL then went on to have one last girl 3yrs later. My MIL has accused me of accusing her of killing FIL. My youngest SIL, turns out is also my husbands cousin. Nice. I always wondered why my husband and that particular sister look like the same uncle……..It would make sense my DH looks like that uncle, they are related after all. But SIL, she is technically with father “unknown” per birth cert, yet an aunt told us that MIL had an affair with “the” uncle, so 2 of them look like. We refer to that SIL as “sister-cousin.” Oh, and I forgot about the aunt on my mom’s side of the family who is estranged from a son (he didn’t like the rapist being his stepdad, so fell off the face of the earth). His kids are my age. My aunt went to a niece’s baby’s birth a couple years ago. She saw her son there. what were they all doing there? Her son is the grandpa to her niece’s baby. Nice, again, nice. If relatives are going to fall off the face of the earth, they really should make sure their children don’t procreate with cousins.

    My great grandmother had several children while her husband was away in WWI. Her husband truly thought they were his kids. (me shaking head). He died in WWI, and great grandmother went on to marry the guy she had an affair with. At least she changed the kids names to all reflect their bio dad. Great grandmother ended up with alzheimers, thought the tv was talking to her, etc. While my mom was pregnant with me, great grandmother set her nightgown on fire infront of the tv. The whole house burned down and she died from this horror.

    Ah, one more story. A male cousin of mine married a preacher’s daughter. Turns out she’s an alcoholic, and became a stripper. Odd, they divorced.

    This is all true. It’s only what comes to mind off the top of my head. I’m sure there’s more…..

    hugs, Esther

  7. Amy says: Reply

    Riveting…obviously no one could make up this stuff if they WANTED to!

  8. All of this leaves me speechless…it’s like a car accident. You just gotta keep looking.

  9. Jenny says: Reply

    You guys are KILLING me! Awesome

    On my side…my Dad was married three times before he died of liver failure (lots of drankin’) at 53. His first two wives are now best friends. Wife no. 3 (widow) wouldn’t let my 13 year old brother have his mother at the funeral. Widow kept all the stuff and returned to her crazy family and five kids in Conn. My aunt (dad’s sis) doesn’t understand why I might find this frustrating.

    On husband’s side…his sister “Dee” lives 10 mintues away. Was pregnant and had baby without anybody in the family (who all knew) ever mentioning it. We found out from Dee’s in laws (who like us and not her). Husband’s parents blamed us for the conflict. His mother said, “Do you think your need for respect makes it difficult to listen to her side?” This is after “Dee” accused us of “inviting ourselves over” for Easter lunch. And my MIL yelled at me the first time I saw her after my miscarraige, because I didn’t return her phone call. Husband and I had actually had conversations about “What do we do when we find out Dee is pregnant and nobody has told us.” These stories won me that crown for a while, but Elle has prevailed.

  10. mom says: Reply

    Esther, you are a survivor! Whoa…

  11. A. Lurker says: Reply

    Troubled cousin moves in with family. Cousin proceeds to: choke one brother (who was barely in double digits) at least once and threaten to have our parents killed if she squeals on her shenanigans; accuse another brother of rape once when mad at him to later, when pressed, say, “Oh that? I was just mad at him.”; seduce NA sponsor’s husband; steal one of my formal dresses, use it as a nightgown and destroy it, then claim so convincingly that her mother gave it to her before she moved in (she wasn’t even a teen) with my folks that I nearly believe her; when visiting me, makes out with a low-self-esteem classmate (enough that he avoided me and wore sunglasses), then apparently stalks said classmate the remainder of the visit and call-stalks when she returns home to my parents; sends me into my first uber-depression, to the point I didn’t want to wake up the next day; runs away with multiple 40-plus-year-olds (as a teen) but claims she doesn’t have a father complex; wants to have a baby so bad as a pre-driving teen that my mother convinces a doctor to give cousin “THE shot” (not just A shot) without telling her; winds up in numerous juvy halls, with escalating levels of security; gets pregnant, uses meth and marijuana and such while pregnant, video tapes the graphics of childbirth and wants to show the world; starts stripping soon after childbirth; leaves child with random folks, eventually runs off, child’s father leaves 3-month-old baby with my parents, my parents end up adopting and raising said child, who is mere months older than my eldest, thus making my parents new parents/grandparents at the same time, and in effect making this kid my sister/niece/cousin/second cousin; cousin discovers baby not with baby daddy (baby daddy realized he wasn’t able to handle the situation and did a smart thing), cousin is mad and thinks my parents stole said child, and I get to worry whether cousin’s “buddies” will ever help her with retribution; said cousin was eventually imprisoned under kidnapping (of an adult) charges, which she denies participating in. But lordy knows there’s something out there she didn’t get caught for. She now claims reformation … and regrets all the scars she caused, but in the meanwhile … she caused some doozies.

    And I am leaving out plenty. And that’s just one person.

  12. Tricia says: Reply

    wow, i’m beginning to think my family is pretty normal. really elle, i think you are going to win this one.

    but let me think about this overnight. i’ve spent the last ten years removing myself from this side of my family.

  13. Esther says: Reply

    Elle- I have to link to your thread here. This is just so funny, I came back to look at it again! Once just isn’t enough ;o)

    I’ve been reading your blog for years. You get funnier every year ;o)

    blessings to you, Esther

  14. Not wanting to share my name says: Reply

    Oh, I SOOOOO want to enter! But my family is a little crazy, both in the “mentally ill” and in the “what the hell are they smoking” fashion. I am estranged from the nutjobs (or they died and I didn’t know about it, which is both truth and possibility), and I’d hate for them to “find” me in any way. Unless finding me this way would result in me getting all of my mother’s worldly possessions after my uncle died and no one told me… (That’s the “ill” side of the family, BTW. The other side includes the following statement: “My grandmother sued me for custody of my father.”) Oh how I wish I could enter! 🙂

  15. Raissa says: Reply

    A month after sending out our wedding invitations my Dad called me. It was the day after my 21st birthday. I thought he was going to wish me happy birthday. No, he tells me that he’s not coming to the wedding because he wasn’t involved in the planning, none of his friends were invited, and he’d only met my fiance once.

    He rants for an hour about these and many other sins I had committed including the time “you told me I wasn’t a very good dad,” which was true, I had an honest moment once.

    After trying to placate him saying, you can invite whoever you want, I don’t know your friends, blah blah blah, he starts saying – well who knows how long you’ll even stay married, your mom’s been married three times, your aunts on her third marriage and who knows how many times your grandma’s been married, at which point I tell him I’m hanging up. He calls back and of course I hang up on him.

    He sends his rsvp back checked No and his name entered as Joe Blow (dad). — Cause I don’t know who he is.

    My oldest brother, having been told my our dad that he doesn’t have the money to drive across the state to the wedding, buys him a plane ticket. I call my brother saying, “Butt out,” and my dad too saying, “Maybe you should stick with your first decision.”

    He comes to the wedding. He tells my second brother that he’s on tranquilizers.

    I have a few more for when I get upped…

  16. Wendy says: Reply

    Wow, there is no way I can compete with these stories, but I can’t quit reading either. Fascinating and yet repugnant…..

  17. Northwesterner At Heart says: Reply

    have to go with Wendy and also say that there is no way I could compete with these stories! Just give me a few years, though, and I might have a few… 🙂

  18. Anonymous....cause I don't want this to come back to haunt me :) says: Reply

    hmmm…I have one…okay let’s see if I can get this straight:

    my cousin got pregnant and then married the father…a military guy (husband/guy #1). they had baby #1.she was 20. when the hubby was stationed overseas (6 months into the marriage), she cheated on him with another guy (guy #2) and moved in with him and divorced her first husband.

    while she was with guy #2, she cheated on him and became pregnant with baby #2, but never told him that he wasn’t the father. they eventually split up, but his name was on baby #2’s birth certificate.

    in the meantime, guy #2 took up with another girl, but she found out he was cheating on her and shot him with my cousin’s gun. guy #2 is now paralyzed from the neck down and lives in a nursing home.

    cousin then moved and met another military guy who she then married (husband/guy #3)and he loved her kids as his own. in fact, he adopted baby #2 from the paralyzed supposed father. they then had another baby…baby #3.

    so, 3 kids with 3 different fathers so far.

    well, then, husband #3 got really sick and my cousin could not handle it…so, she cheated on him. he found out and went a little psycho but decided they should try to work it out and stay together.

    wait…it gets better. they come down to stay at my house with the 2 younger children so that my cousin can go to her high school reunion. husband #3 decides to stay home with us. well, 4:00 in the morning rolls around and cousin is still not home, so hubby #3 starts to freak out. eventually, we see a car roll up my street and park a block away. hubby #3 starts to go outside to see if it is her and I talk him out of it…instead, I go!! and yes, you guessed it…she was in the car with some guy having sex with him!!

    I opened the car door and yanked her out and told her to get dressed and in the house. In the meantime, hubby #3 is running around my house looking for a baseball bat. that was a fun night let me tell you!!

    Needless to say, I don’t talk to my cousin any longer…but, I do still keep in touch with her ex-hubby #3. She is now re-married and has 2 more children with the new guy!!

  19. Jenny says: Reply

    Boy, I just used up my arsenal of stories. But I sure do feel better knowing that we ALL have crazy families. Blood thicker…just means the stains are harder to remove…

  20. […] another strange family story.? I don’t quite think it beats the Anonymous poster from the previous post, but it’s still a good […]

  21. ladyofmyth says: Reply

    I think I could maybe top some of these in screwed up families.

    See if I can get it in order here. my dad was previously married when he met my mom whom was also previously married with 2 young children. They got together and then had me. my dad raised the kids as his own until they were grown and married. here comes the tricky part.

    my mom dies and he remarries a nice lady, who dies after 14 yrs. now dad is not young man he is 83 yrs old.

    this is the part that grosses me out. Last March (07) he marries my sister. I have issues with this for couple of reasons, he raised her and was only father she knew, and she is my sister. true we only share mother but still. It is so bad that our brother and I do not speak to them at all.
    so now my sister is my stepmom, and her kids are not only my nieces and nephews but siblings now.

Leave a Reply