Somewhere between heaven and hell

Saturday night was a first in our house.? The trusty husband and I spent the entire night alone.? Without a child.? For the first time since September 4, 2006, I slept in a bed next to my husband and was not woken up by my snoring child.? No child in our faces at 2 a.m. saying, “dad!”

As I waved goodbye to my parents and my child Saturday morning I did a little glee dance.? I would have over 24 hours child free.? It was like pure bliss.? We attended the trusty husband’s “fancy dress up party*,” and every person asked who was watching the boy.? I proclaimed “My Mother!” and did that same little jig.

Sure, I woke up in the middle of the night worried that somehow my phone got turned off and thought my mom might be calling.? Of course we forgot to tell them what hotel we would be in.? By this afternoon I missed my child terribly.? The trusty husband did a bit of his own glee dance when my parents pulled into the driveway this afternoon.? His little buddy was back.? It’s a damn good thing because I wasn’t exactly sure what I was doing without anyone narrating my every move.? Besides, who else was the trusty husband going to tell that he was solving world hunger when they asked what he was doing.? Frankly I was sitting right next to him and knew full well he was only having his morning coffee.

We walked our asses off in downtown Seattle.? Now mine is only the size of Green Bay** instead of Cleveland.? And I, of course, had to look fashionable and wore loafers instead of my tennis shoes.

In all honesty we did miss the little bugger.? But had we know what would be coming home we would have left him with my mother a few more days.? Mom informed me that he was a perfect angel for them.? When he walked in the door he began demanding that we take him to the park.? He yelled at us, whined at us, the kid was relentless.? We agreed to take him and once we got out the door he demanded that we walk to the park.? Hell, it’d be dark by the time we got there at his pace.? An accord was reached and we took a walk around the neighborhood.? He was pissed when we were frozen and had to go inside.? He was pissed that the cats looked at him.? He was pissed that I dare feed him chicken.

The reality… he was pissed that he was without us for that long and doesn’t have the skills to verbally express it.? So after he yelled at the trusty husband for the final time I grabbed him and did some holding time.? I do believe I may have ended up with a few broken ribs from him kicking me, a broken ear drum from him screaming and his head might have completely popped off.? It wasn’t pretty.

At the current moment he’s calmed down and preparing for bed, but I suspect the next few days are going to be a little rough.? I appreciate my mom taking him for the night.? We will do it again.? It, like having a babysitter on a regular basis, is going to take some time, and a little black and blue.


*no you don’t get a photo because I left my camera at home.? Just know there was a slight wardrobe malfunction prior to the party.? Yes, Derek still has his job.

**Dammit.? Wisconsin again.

11 Comment

  1. Wardrobe malfunction? You know I’ll be pressing for details.

    And stop saying Wisconsin! You’ll give me a panic attack … 🙂

  2. mom says: Reply

    Really and truly he was a typical three yr old. Remember, he had just left a place where he was the center of attention. When your three thats all you can think about. It’s me, me, me! So….he’s being pissy just because he can. We grandparents are doting and hell, who doesn’t suck that up? He’ll be back to normal in no time and the “I’m king of the palace” will fade. His behavior is very typical, you yourself would be a poo after a day with the grandparents. I find it utterly amazing at how well he’s adjusted to life here. You guys are doing a fantastic job with him and it shows! Obviously oatmeal with dinosaur eggs isn’t gonna get served up by mom, thats grandma stuff. Let him pout cause thats we he’s doing, that king for the day will fade. He’s bright and NORMAL!!!!

  3. mom says: Reply

    PS: Pleeze…..Just say NO to Wisconsin! You’re killing me here.

  4. kate says: Reply

    had a good time away AND was glad to come home? perfect!

    hope the fallout is short, your bruises are fading and you get to go again. sometime.

  5. NEAL says: Reply


    That’s the PERFECT tourism slogan for Minnesota: “Just say NO to Wisconsin”.


    Congratulations on 24 hours of child-free (worry) bliss!

  6. A night with each other and no kid – two thumbs up! Wardrobe malfunction – innnteresting?!

  7. Lauri says: Reply

    I am so jealous…. of your child free dress up grown up night… not the aftermath

    Hope things are going better

  8. DebiP says: Reply

    go Wisconsin….I am so close to meeting the real ELLE

  9. It would be a heaven/hell scenario – I would love a child free day but I would miss her terribly.

  10. Lena says: Reply

    Aaah, childfree weekend, but then believe it or not, you do miss them … of course, less tantrums would be preferred, but I think that’s just the typical syndrome of “being on good behavior for grandma until my parents pick me up”

  11. Now more than ever, you’ve got to fight for your right to party – he will get better as he gets used to it. I am becoming a firm believer in the idea that nothing is better for parental sanity than getting away enough to actually miss children.

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