Last week the trusty husband took a few days off. ?I had to work so he decided to do a little project. ?A totally unprompted, completed almost totally on his own project. ?I know right. ?He painted the boy’s room. ?It was time for an upgrade to big boy colors… the child is starting kindergarten next week and all (let’s just not go there… I’m not ready yet).
So the husband cleans out the room, paints the room, we (per usual) argue while arranging furniture and then we decide to clean out the garage. ?Logical right? ?It is in our little world. ?The point of cleaning the garage was to extract the toys that were previously removed during the attitude intervention. ?Which went well, but we stopped giving toys back when we ran out of age appropriate toys. ?The idea was to get rid of the too-young-for-you toys to lighten the load in the house and to well… get rid of the too-young-for-you toys. ?Remarkably the child understands, “those are baby toys.”
As we were cleaning out the garage we were looking at some of the super nice expensive wooden toys. ?My thought is I wanted to save those in the event that we have another child. ?Likewise I have a box of clothes that are all high end children’s clothes that I’d like to to use again should we ever have another boy.
Packing and either donating or saving toys is bittersweet. ?On one hand I like the optimism of saving toys for a future second child. ?On the other hand, I know that our chances of having a second child are very slim. ?We have agreed that we will no longer try to get pregnant. ?It is too much on my emotional state and feels like an act in futility. ?At the time being, adopting again is out of the question. ?We simply cannot afford it. ?For reasons that are ours a domestic or foster adoption is not an option. ?International adoption is far too expensive for our budget.
Realistically we should just pack up the toys and donate the good stuff to the preschool and the rest to the Goodwill. ?But I can’t let go. ?I don’t want the boy to be an only child. ?What would you do?
Could you or would you consider foster care with an eye on adoption?? You are both such wonderful parents – we pray every day for you being blessed with another child AND another little one being blessed by you, however that happens!! Much love, MIL and SIL
Elle
I hear ya… I too want another one… but am trying to be happy with what I got ( as Livi would say). I wish $50,000 would fall into my lap so I could adopt again, we are still recovering from the first adoption.
To MIL
foster care and adoption are two different animals… from my understanding at least here in ohio it rarely works out that you adopt the child you foster…not impossible… but fostering is something all together different.
Been there, SO done that. I feel your pain and indecision. I still have B’s crib. It took me four years to donate her 3 tubs of baby and toddler clothes, crying all the while I did it. When you have a dream that’s been with you since you can remember, it’s so very hard to let it go. I still have her crib…
Hugs.
Keep them (said by the woman who has Peri Brynn’s baby bedding in her closet still) If you have the space and it feels good, do it. You never know what is in store and what awaits around the corner….
Foster care is not something that we are able to do. We know our limits as parents and the potential of getting attached to a child that may never truly be in our home forever is not something we can do. I admire those who can be foster parents, but I’ve lost a child. I can’t do it again.
Let me qualify that C and I are done…like soo done. But we got a 2 deal package and lucked out. we know this, but 2 is all we can manage and afford.
My friend did domestic bi-racial and had a baby in a few months for practically no cash outlay. Well, total about 10k but that seems like nothing compared to all we paid.
It is something to look into if it is something you would be open to. I know not everyone is so no judgement just throwing it out there.
I appreciate everyone’s comments (here and in person) about the possibility of domestic adoption. Trust me, we’ve talked about it in depth. It is not something we are comfortable with.
I know it sounds like I’m being picky here. I assure you I’m not. I know my limits as a parent, I know the limits on my family and I know the limits on my own personal well being. Any kind of domestic adoption or foster, or foster to adopt are within those limits.
I’m with you. If we were to adopt again, it would be Russia! I don’t think you have to explain yourself! I wish we could do it all over again too. I have the same feelings you do. Klaire just turned 8 and I have the hardest time getting rid of some of her clothes!! The only thing I can say it, I save some of the really really special stuff and donate the other. I figure if the time ever comes at least we could always have a fresh start and she will have some stuff from her childhood! Plus we don’t have room for a bunch of storage!!! HOpe that helps!
If you have the room to keep the, then keep them. You never know what will happen.
Keep the stuff if you feel good about it.
I’ve held onto stuff because the stuff (and the memories and aspirations associated with it) meant more to me than donating it to Goodwill.
Eventually, I find the perfect person to give it to and end up feeling great about making someone’s day.