Dear Checker Lady at the Grocery,
This is to inform you that you are indeed the single worst service worker in history. ?I understand that being a grocery clerk is a thankless job. ?However, would it kill you to do it with a smidgen of grace or dignity. ?I’m not even asking for both here.
As you looked at your watch for the hundredth time you might have noticed that it is nearing lunchtime. ?It might also have occurred to you that near your register is a nice little rack of impulse items. ?Such a lovely rack to put small toys in… especially in the “Family Friendly” aisle. ?I know you didn’t notice that I am a very patient woman with a small 4 year old child who is hungry and now eying that rack of toys.
This might be a nice time for you to shut your gob about your stupid new Pugineese and move along with your checking duties. ?The lady in line in front of me might be your BFF, but she, and you, are standing in the way of feeding aforementioned hungry and I-wanty child.
When you look up from your occasional sliding something across the scanner and notice there is a long line forming at your stand it would not be the time to complain that there aren’t enough checkers. ?Of which there were 5 others doing just fine. ?It might be that you are so damn slow and if you hadn’t noticed, your BFF still has $100 worth of candy bars to go, and a bag of Oreos, just to even things out a bit. ?Not to mention the cans of drink it from the container soup. ?We wouldn’t want to slow down her intake of processed chemicals with a spoon or anything.
Furthermore, when it is finally my turn I would appreciate a little common decency. ?The standard, “hello how are you” is nice, but at least make eye contact or even pretend that my mere presence doesn’t offend you by turning your back to me the whole time you ring my order. ?I know my child is wearing plaid PJ pants and a plaid jacket and hasn’t bathed since Friday (maybe), but I did shower and even put on makeup. ?He’s small, you can’t really smell him.
I would also appreciate it if you took some care bagging my groceries. ?It isn’t my fault that the yogurt manufacturer doesn’t put rigid lids on the yogurt. ?Please don’t throw them into the bag so that whatever you cram on top might break them open. ?And don’t just throw my bags into the cart. ?If you hadn’t noticed you put my bottle of wine on the bottom and we surely wouldn’t want that to break. ?I need it to deal with the likes of you.
The woman at the grocery with the I-wanty poorly dressed and possibly smelly 4 year old.