On the road to crazy town

So I am day #7 without my ass tea. Why? Because I have the attention span of a gnat and keep forgetting to make more. I have the herbs and stuff, but I keep forgetting. You could be sitting there thinking, “um Elle, you are thinking about it right now, why not get up and make some?” Good question. You see… if I get up to make the ass tea now I will forget that I was going to write this post and perhaps I could get distracted on the way to the kitchen by, oh say, grating zucchini and still forget to make the ass tea. I only throw that zucchini part in there because I had the bed 1/2 way un-made to change the sheets this morning and got distracted by the zucchini. After the zucchini I remember that we were out of bread and that I needed to make more, but while making the bread I forgot to soak the bulgar so I had to do that in the middle of lunch and the un-made bread is still sitting on top of the refrigerator. And that is because I don’t like running the mixer while the boy is napping. But I did remember to put the boy down for a nap. That I won’t forget.

See how important that ass tea really is to my well being. I can’t even make a coherent blog post without it. I’m kinda like a bipolar person off their lithium. I get lots of stuff done, but it is haphazard and I’m a little bitchy.

Then this morning I read some blogs and got inspired by Michelle’s post on purging her closet of some shoes. I thought that might be a good idea. I am a little more than consumed by clutter in this house. Last spring I started “Get all of this shit out of my house” and then got distracted by something called Summer. So today I remembered that I had started the project and well… it was as good of time as any to start back up.

I started with my shoes. That didn’t get me nearly enough. I was only able to get rid of 7 pair. That left me with an even 28 pairs. Hey! 28 is a very low number for me. (It includes: 2 mules, 1 Clark’s walking shoes, 1 Doc Martens Sandals, 3 birkenstocks, 1 crocs, 1 running shoes, 1 black loafers, 1 rubber boots, 1 golf shoes, 2 boots, 1 Steve Madden “bowling shoes”, 2 canvas tennis shoes, 1 brown sandals, 5 pair of flip flops, 5 pair of various heels/pumps and one pair of hockey skates) Please note that I do not own a pair of brown loafers and technically rubber boots, golf shoes and flip flops don’t actually count as “shoes.” And please disregard the fact that I admitted to the whole of the internets that I own crocs AND 3 pairs of Birkenstocks. Yes… I wear socks with them.

As if purging my shoe closet wasn’t enough punishment I opted to move onto clothing. Normally when I get rid of clothing it is more of an “oh, this doesn’t fit anymore or this is badly stained, but by gawd I still wear that Micky Mouse t-shirt I got in the 6th grade when I went to Disneyland with my Dad.” Not today my friends! Not today.

I rid my closet of nearly 1/2 of what I owned. No joke. I have the photos to prove it. I singlehandedly cleared out 3 sweaters, 1 pair of shortalls (please don’t laugh), 10 pair of capris, 2 pair of jeans, 2 pair running pants (I don’t run), 6 pair of shorts, 3 short sleeve button downs, 6 t-shirts (I did not get rid of the Micky T, it’s vintage now), 17 long sleeve shirts, 5 turtlenecks, 7 flannel/denim shirts, 2 pair of slacks, 3 skirts, 19 stretch t’s, 4 pair PJs, 14 tank tops and 8 sweatshirts. The fact that I got rid of 8 sweatshirts is what should really floor you. Removing any sweatshirts from my closet is just as bad as shoes. I hoard sweatshirts. Please don’t tell Stacy & Clinton.

I found tank tops that I didn’t even know I had. I was embarrassed for myself when I pulled out the shortalls. They were plaid no less. I cried at giving up a men’s XL Eddie Bauer chamois shirt. It used to be Derek’s. But and XL? Have you seen me? I am 5’4″ and weigh 130 pounds. Honestly.

This closet clean out was long over due, but I really think I’ve lost it. I don’t want to even know how many trips to the Goodwill it is going to take me to get all of that crap out. Anyone looking for some cute size small Gap t-shirts? They are just to short or not quite big enough around to fit the only part of me that won’t lose weight, my boobs.

Now I have to find something to replace some of that clothing. I now only own 2 pair of dress pants. And neither of them will go with the shoes I bought in California.