Ode to my ever growing backside

O, my ever growing backside
When did you arrive?
Where once I was quite thin,
now in my pants a bubble hides.

O, my ever growing backside
I’ve tried to run away from you.
But you keep following me
the whole day through.

O, my ever growing backside
you taunt me with skin of cottage cheese.
How can I feel feminine
with buttocks such as these.

O, my ever growing backside
my pants no longer fit.
I see myself in the mirror
and I really feel like shit.

O, my ever growing backside
this really isn’t fair.
To give a woman like myself
a gigantic derri?re.

O, my ever growing backside
of you I am not a fan.
but, I guess I am quite lucky
that my husband is an ass man.

21 Comment

  1. Dana says: Reply

    That was pretty damn good!

  2. Lee says: Reply

    Did you write that?!?!? Too funny!

  3. Mom says: Reply

    Just so you know; I laughed my ass off!

  4. Elle says: Reply

    Yes, I wrote that.

  5. Jenny says: Reply

    You and me both, girlie.

  6. Jenny says: Reply

    Seriously, when did I put on that 8 pounds. I had to buy a size up in shorts today. I was like these look good, then I thought…FUCK a size WHAT!

    I thought kids were suppose to make us thin?

  7. DebiP says: Reply

    What a great friggin laugh and such a good writer you are….a girl with so so so many talents…in the words of someone famous..I think I secretly hate you…a little

  8. Lauri says: Reply


  9. I’d tell you you have too much time on your hands, but I know that’s not true.

  10. chou2 says: Reply

    love this

  11. NEAL says: Reply

    oh, look! There’s a shiny car in this thread:

  12. Jenny2 says: Reply

    Sounds like someone hit 30.


  13. hahahahaha! laughing my butt off!!! (if only)

  14. shuey6 says: Reply

    That made me smile on a day I needed to — thanks!

  15. Tricia says: Reply

    ode? i need to make that my theme song.

  16. Jan Bartel says: Reply

    Loved it! Loved it! Loved it! I can relate girlfriend. I have been battling the backside all my life. Fortunately, my own trusty husband is an ass man as well. We are both abundandtly blessed in the husband department. Hugs to you all, Aunt Jan

  17. Jenni says: Reply

    I feel your pain Elle. Why is it that even when we adopt, we still put on “mommy weight?” I’ve been told I have a “ghetto butt.” Real nice.

  18. NEAL says: Reply

    Your husband is Cosmo Kramer?

  19. […] *This may explain this […]

  20. […] in the midst of their struggle. Yes. I’ve blogged since here and thrown out a funny post or two. Hell, I’ve dedicated a whole category to […]

  21. […] I’ve come to a recent revelation that I’ve gotten fat. ?Of course fat is pretty relative. ?Let’s just say that, for me, I’ve gotten fat. ?I used to be verging on the edge of size 4. ?In the 3 years since I’ve started eating again, or otherwise known as I’ve become a parent, I’ve grown to a healthy size 10. ?40 pound my friends, 40 pounds. ?Where does that weight go? My ass. […]

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