I’ve had longer than I would like to process through this impending surgery. I was hoping that it could have been scheduled for this week, but the earliest they could get me in was February 8th. That meant I have (had) a good month to dwell on it. I’m trying my hardest to now dwell on the situation. Instead I’m trying to keep myself busy and prepare my family. However, I have my moments of dread and fear.
A week ago I finally lost it and realized that I’ll never be able to give my husband a biological child. I realize I’ve said over and over that I don’t care about having a biological child. I don’t. What about my husband? He’s said he doesn’t care, but does he say that just to make me feel better?
This is all a process of working through loss.
I am pretty sure that readers will grow tired of listening to me blather on about this surgery. I am pretty certain that I don’t care. I’ve been a blogger for nearly 7 years now. I’ve read countless blogs of people who have gotten pregnant and I’ve had to read about it. Yes, there are many that I stop reading when the writer does become pregnant. There are some that I keep reading. I’ve also had to watch my friends bitch and moan on Facebook that they are soooo tired of being pregnant. Shut the hell up. You could be me.
I’m going to write about this. I’m going to complain. It’s my turn now.