My Name is Earl

I have now secured my position as the champion of the wierd family contest.? For years I have always been the winner in the game, “who’s family is weirder.”? It is usually a contest between the trusty BIL and I, but last year my friend Jenny entered the ring and knocked me off my throne.? However, yesterday’s escapade at my Uncle’s wedding secured my title for a long time coming.? I won’t give out all of the info today simply because I need stories to tell at mommies group and they all read my blog.? But I’ll give you a run down of the afternoon.

First and foremost, this wedding was at the Moose Lodge.? For those unfamiliar with a Moose Lodge, it’s like an Elk’s Lodge or something similar only way more trailer trashy.? Complete with screened in smoking porch and a whole lot of y’alls.? (we live in Washington, not Alabama)? This was not the first wedding I’ve attended at the Moose Lodge.? My father was married there.? They had a wedding complete with a Seahawks theme.? This wedding was a little classier.? Real flowers (likely picked out of someone’s yard), a professional cake (unlike my dad’s) and a live band (as opposed to the karaoke machine of yore).

The bride and groom held the ceremony outside (behind the smoking porch and next to the playground complete with giant tractor tire) and began late because the bride to be had to go outside for one last smoke.? The ceremony lasted all of 3 minutes with, “do ya? yep. do ya? yep.? Y’alls is married.” *insert mid 40s uncle making out with new wife here*? But the men wore tuxedos so it was classy.

The reception was open bar and it took every ounce of strength in me to not double order.? I actually drank my one little gin & tonic in the corner as to not draw attention to the fact that I actually had a drink.? (90% of my family are alcoholics and the remainder, my uncle Shawn, will chastise me for drinking)? And by the end of it I wished I had more, however that would have likely ended in me getting into a fist fight with a family member.

Dinner was a feast of cocktail weenies, and cold meatballs, potato salad, macaroni salad, fruit salad (the kind with whipped cream, complete with coconut), cole slaw, and meat/cheese tray.? mmmm.? I was eating Ritz crackers at 10:30 last night.

I had a lovely time talking with my Aunt Robin.? We entertained her best friend with stories about our family and it was nice to know that there are others who brief new people in “proper Kinney family protocol” prior to an event.? I got the scoop on a cousin and it was agreed that she had baby #9 with her.? The state is letting her keep this one as long as she goes in for weekly drug testing.? (oh yeah, this cousin is only 33)

When crazy aunt came within 10 feet of us we scattered using the excuse that we had to go check on the child who was outside playing on aforementioned tractor tire.? I went inside to talk to my dad and Grandma had to take a photo of us.? Then they thought it would be fun to take a photo of my whole immediate family.

See that look on my face.? That one that says “I’m totally uncomforable.”? Yeah… crazy aunt was heckling me.? I was thanking God that I’d only had that one drink because otherwise I would have totally punched her in the face.? We stayed for about 20 minutes after that episode.

Despite my strange family I had a good time.? I love them dearly and if anything they provide me with good stories to tell (and this isn’t even all of them from this event).? What’s more… I walked away with this photo.

I love these boys.

10 Comment

  1. Tricia says: Reply

    Yes, I do give you top honors for strange family. πŸ˜‰

    I don’t think I told you about my mom when we were up there … but if you have any single uncles 55-65 if your family I think she would fit in well.

  2. I usually win strange family stories when I play that game. My high school graduation was attended by my dad, my mother (his first wife), his ex wife (#2) and his current wife. Yeah, that was comfortable around the cold cut platter.

  3. Yeah. That sounds award winning. However, my DH’s sister’s wedding was about the same level of classiness, mixed with hillbilly. And this was Michigan, not Tennessee. Think tropical theme, in the middle of Michigan winter. Think bride and groom with their 5 year old running around. Think DJ who had not heard of the song “At Last” by Etta James. Clearly, he hadn’t done many weddings. Think buffet that included pig in blankets. Yeah, I’ve been there. Glad you survived without tetanus or salmonella. πŸ˜‰

  4. DebiP says: Reply

    Elle…ya gotta love a wedding though that you can take your four year old to in tennies and jeans…not suit and tie…

  5. I’ve been to weddings like that. My favorite wedding was where the bride put jeans on under her dress so she could “be more comfortable.” Huh?

  6. Lauri says: Reply

    oh no missy… I win this contest hands down.. just can’t blog about it

    Lovin your dress

  7. mom says: Reply

    Who got married? And on that “sipping a little”… it makes some moments more bearable. Now look at all you have to write about!

  8. Yeah, I can’t wait to hear more! It’s refreshing to hear that these things can (and do) happen outside of Alabama! We’re not the only hicks in the nation!! πŸ™‚

  9. […] the strange family contest.? Jenny did for a while, but I win with my most recent escapade to my Uncle’s wedding.? So I am challenging all of my readers to a strange family contest.? Your goal is to try and […]

  10. Lea says: Reply

    I was surfin’ the web looking for a last minute present idea for a wedding we’re going to tomorrow, of the people who sit behind us at the Seahawks game (yes, we know, first home game… but they are great people!). Ironically, I found your blog. This is great!! I kind of hope we’ll have as much ‘fun’ tomorrow as you obviously did (at least an open bar would be nice).. ha!

Leave a Reply