My mom attracts the weirdest characters

My mother came for a visit this afternoon. In and of itself that isn’t a bad thing. At least it would not have been had we been able to stay in the confines of my house. But it is chocolate time (yes, I am working on them) and with chocolate time comes a need for an inordinate amount of parchment paper. I go through the stuff as if I were wiping my ass with it. Mom calls at 9:15 to say she is coming. She’s going to eat breakfast, take a shower then she’ll be up. I figure she’d be here around 10:30. I regretted to figure in the 2 hour correction factor. Mom showed at 11:40. I waited for her to go to the Mega Bullseye store because for an hour I thought she’d be there any minute. Silly me.

So at Mega Bullseye store Mom decides she needs a few things. Me? I’m just there for the parchment man. We head off in the direction of the face and foofy stuff. She needs moisturizer. Me? I am still unsure of what this cream based product women smear on their faces actually is. While in the moisturizer aisle my mother hunts for her very specific face cream. I am guarding my child from the Bullseye crazies. Mom starts talking, but with my lack of hearing she is basically talking to air. Of course don’t tell that to Crazy Face Moisturizer Man standing next to her. What man with any dick sense of masculinity stands in the ladies face cream section in Mega Bullseye store? Honestly. So mom, in her not crazy at all way, starts asking the air where is the moisturizer. At this point CFMM starts replying. Co-ed discussion about face moisturizer is prohibited. Much like talking to a man about what type of maxi you should use. Of course my mother, in her infinite wisdom, talks back to CFMM. My mother and her new BFF have a discussion about why CFMM is in the moisturizer aisle to begin with. CFMM claims it is that he is looking for a Mother’s Day gift for his 85 year old mom. At this point my mother wises up and ceases interaction with CFMM. That is until she finds the coveted moisturizer and CFMM thinks that he needs some too. Mom then leaves the aisle and I think we are home free. No… mom has to flit about and get some other hair product.

We get into the express lane to check out and the stabbing head pain prevents me from noticing that CFMM is in line in front of us. My mother then notices that CFMM leaves the oh so special moisturizer for his 85 year old mother behind. Shocking! Dood… CFMM was totally hitting on my mom. ewwww.

My afternoon with my mother also included trips to our local vegetable market where she was like a kid in a candy store and then to Trader Joes where my mom made more friends with the stock guys. She also proceeded to put anything into her cart that I said I liked. Sparkling Blueberry juice… in it goes. Honey wheat pretzel sticks… those too. Basmati rice… bought that also. Did y’all know my mom works in a grocery store? Yes… on my mom’s day off we spent the afternoon in a grocery.

This post originally had the intention of me bitching that my son knocked over my full glass of wine onto the carpet and I didn’t immediately attempt to list him on ebay. But mom… you were much more fun to tell stories about.

14 Comment

  1. Jessica says: Reply

    Like mother, like daughter! 😉

  2. I had a comment, but it flew out of my brain as I was laughing at Jessica’s comment!

    p.s. Love the new header!

  3. mom says: Reply

    Smart Aleck!! It was your big idea to take me into your fair city without giving me a fair warning about the CFMM
    lurking about. Funny…real,real funny!!

  4. Elle says: Reply

    Mom, you know I mean all of that in the nicest, and not crazy at all, possible way.

  5. hopingforgirl says: Reply

    is your “fair city” really that bad?? lol maybe the CFMM guy was just a random weirdo?? well, u know they say u can tell a lot about a certain area, by the types of people at the local Tar-jay, lol. Actually our local one is much better than the local one we had in CA!

    by the way i’ve heard Salem is SCARY! no offense if anyone from Salem is reading this!!

  6. WHICH Salem would be the question. As a former Oregonian, I have to say Salem OR is just quiet. The other one, well, I wouldn’t know … I’m tempting to make witch-burning jokes. But my brain just won’t go all the way there … the the Daily Show is distracting me.

  7. Very amusing post, cracked me up- I can totally sympathize…my mom ( and I, unfortunately) do pretty good at attracting the looney’s too! You should here the one about when Mom and I went to Hawaii on a “girl” trip and on a tour bus met up with public enemy #1…. VERY SCARY! Yes, just in case you can see what time I posted- it is 4:03am. I am an insomniac

  8. Yes, I do know that hear is spelled wrong above- work with me- I have had 3 hours of sleep!

  9. Oh how I love that bullseye store and trader joe’s…ohhh I gotta go and get mny fix.

  10. Wendy says: Reply

    Hey, you can list kids on ebay? Why didn’t anyone ever tell me! I have a 14 year old that is taking YEARS off my life!!!

  11. Rhonda says: Reply

    Jessica’s comment is awesome. Too funny. BTW, I love love love the new look. Awesome.

  12. Tricia says: Reply

    too funny. LOVE your new header!

  13. hopingforgirl says: Reply

    tacomachickadee i was referring to Salem, OR. i’ve just heard things through different people & the media saying they have a really bad meth problem, but of course the whole NW is bad for meth :/ but we also had a friend whose daughter lives in Salem with her mom, and the drug-dealer boyfriend and his (our friend’s) mom was telling me how in Salem there’s a lot of child neglect/abuse and all these banners over the town that say things about not abusing your children. she said the park by where her granddaughter lives has needles & drug users in it. but i hate to generalize, but i have just not heard good things about Salem, OR. no flaming plz 😉

  14. Don’t you have craigslist there? cheaper than ebay ha ha

    you and your mom are funny

    good luck with the chocolates!

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