I cried harder today than I ever did in the 2 years of the adoption process. Ok, maybe I cried a little harder when we lost Little A, but that is beside the point. Here is my dilema. Let?s start by hearing yesteday?s story.
The boy and I took a drive to “Capital City” to pay a visit to The Boy?s great-grandparents. The mommy (me) thought the morning would be good because we would be back in time for lunch and then he would take his nap. I was trying to avoid him falling asleep in the car. If he sleeps in the car prior to naptime he won?t sleep at naptime. This rule applies even if he only sleeps 10 minutes in the car… and you can?t move him from the car to the bed without him waking up. Back to the story. We leave Great Grandparents at 11:30 for the 30 minute car ride home. Guess what? Yep… he fell asleep in the car. Get home, have lunch and watch less annoying children?s program. Naptime! Surely you jest mother. I tried for an hour to “help” him fall asleep. I did everything I know how. I let him try to play to get tired, I tried to rock with him in the chair, I tried to let him rock himself to sleep, I even tried putting him to sleep in our bed. No go. Finally I had enough and just took him out of his bed.
Here is the kicker. Remember all those posts about rocking before? The self-soothing an all… well… he now does it for attention. If I sit in the chair in his room and he can?t see me he will just play and not rock. I stand on the outside of the closed door; he rocks. I walk in to calm him by putting my hand on him; he looks straight at me and laughs. That little crap-head.
No nap yesterday resulted in the child from hell last night. Can you say holding time? He threw tantrums all night for no reason. CS tried holding time he hauled off and tried to hit him. The boy is soooo not a hitter even during holding time. We were in the middle of dinner and out of no where he starts pitching a fit. I mean a fit. Threw his spoon. So I take him out of the chair, more holding time. Screaming, wailing, uncontrollable child. I finally get him calmed down to finish dinner. Still with the tantrums until bedtime.
Today… the highly intellegent woman that I am forgot to get her allergy medication refill. We all know what happens when Elle runs out of the Pfizer gold. So here I am tired because I am doped up on Benadryl and my child that now thinks it is funny when I put him in his bed. You guessed it… he doesn?t want to sleep again. So I try the same routine. Sit in the chair; he plays. Stand outside the door; he rocks. I put a hand on him; he laughs at me. Sit in the chair; he plays. Go outside; he rocks… this is a vicious cycle I tell you. Next I try a blanket and putting a hand on him; he laughs again. This is the part of the story I loose it.
I fell into a heap on the floor of my son?s bedroom and sobbed. I mean sobbed to the point I thought I was going to throw up. That silent don?t let my child know his mother is a blubbering idiot cry. Finally, I crawled out of his room and sat in the hall and sobbed some more. Little did I know this is what it would take to make my child fall asleep. As I sit in a puddle in the hallway my son lightly rocks in his crib and passes out.