Letting go of your hair

Sunday on social media it was all about my hair.  What you got was snippets of moments throughout the morning.  However, I find it rather cathartic to write about the experience in it’s entirety.  It also may help another woman along the way.

I had have a plan.  I’ve never intended to wear wigs.  They just don’t look natural.  My plan has always been scarves.  I spent countless hours after surgery watching YouTube videos on how to make scarves look beautiful.  Thanks to the wonderful ladies at Wrapunzel my plan involved a large order of brightly colored scarves.  

However, when you’re faced with that moment that you have to let the hair go… there is no way to emotionally prepare for that.  I’ve read accounts of some women who have waited until there is nearly nothing left before they shaved their heads.  I cound’t do that.  My hair started coming out on Friday afternoon.  By Saturday it was coming out heavier.  Sunday morning it was coming out in large chunks in the shower.  It was time.  

A rarely seen look of me without fixed hair or any makeup post a wee cry

Derek said he would be the one to do the deed.  I’d talked about letting my students do it.  I’d thought about calling a friend to do it.  In the end I’m glad Derek did it.  We tried to have as much fun as possible.  He said we could go through all the stages of “hair cuts.”  He certainly won’t be quitting his day job.

         

The guys needed to head out the door to get hair cuts of their own so I was left with cleaning up the aftermath of the mess.

It also gave me the opportunity to have a moment to myself and reflect on what had happened.  Mastectomy had left my chest permanently altered yet I can hide it.  The hair made me feel like a cancer patient.  

I still have stubble on my head that is holding on.  There are a few bald patches where I’d pulled it out prior to shaving.  The stubble will eventually fall out leaving me with a nice clean head.  A cold head, but clean.  

Every so often I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and am sad.  However, I remind myself that this will grow back.  I am hoping for better hair than I had before.  

For now, I will celebrate being alive and able to fight this horrible disease.  I will be thankful that I can make cancer look beautiful.  I will enjoy my upcoming birthday and spend as much time as I can doing the things that I love.  Bald or not.


5 Comment

  1. Joel says: Reply

    What’s so amazing about you is how beautiful you are inside and out. Long hair, pixie hair, rainbow hair, or bald; it doesn’t matter. I am so proud to consider you one of my close friends, and am slightly disappointed in myself for not making the time to see the rainbow hair before it had to go. This needs to change. You are such an amazingly person! FUCK CANCER!

  2. Diana Dunne says: Reply

    It is amazing to me how huge your lovely eyes look without the distraction of hair. You are beautiful, with or without hair. Won’t it be interesting to see what your new hair will be like when all this is a memory? Love you!
    Aunt Diana

  3. Gaye says: Reply

    I love that you posted photos of the hair-shaving journey and that O & Derek were there to help. Seeing their faces being silly in the background brought a smile to my face because I could feel the love in which room! You rock the bald head and look amazing in your scarf…beautiful inside and out, Lisa! ??

  4. Uncle Tim and Aunt Pam says: Reply

    Hair or no hair, our niece is a beautiful young lady! Your aunt made the same choice to have me shave her head early, with the logic that at no time would we let the cancer win… so the hair went when WE said it was time!
    It will grow back when this all ends. Just a temporary change in your appearance, and it’s not a change that means anything… your husband, family and friends Don’t give a Damn about what’s growing there. It’s you we love, care for, and pray for!
    Hang in there kiddo’, all this will soon be over, and you are going to be stronger in the end because of it. Embrace the love offered, and rest assured we are all fighting this fight with you!!!

  5. Jenny M says: Reply

    every step of the way I am so thankful to share in your story. Thank you for posting even the hard bits. You look great all the time, Love you.

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