Sunday on social media it was all about my hair. What you got was snippets of moments throughout the morning. However, I find it rather cathartic to write about the experience in it’s entirety. It also may help another woman along the way.
had have a plan. I’ve never intended to wear wigs. They just don’t look natural. My plan has always been scarves. I spent countless hours after surgery watching YouTube videos on how to make scarves look beautiful. Thanks to the wonderful ladies at Wrapunzel my plan involved a large order of brightly colored scarves.
However, when you’re faced with that moment that you have to let the hair go… there is no way to emotionally prepare for that. I’ve read accounts of some women who have waited until there is nearly nothing left before they shaved their heads. I cound’t do that. My hair started coming out on Friday afternoon. By Saturday it was coming out heavier. Sunday morning it was coming out in large chunks in the shower. It was time.
Derek said he would be the one to do the deed. I’d talked about letting my students do it. I’d thought about calling a friend to do it. In the end I’m glad Derek did it. We tried to have as much fun as possible. He said we could go through all the stages of “hair cuts.” He certainly won’t be quitting his day job.
The guys needed to head out the door to get hair cuts of their own so I was left with cleaning up the aftermath of the mess.
It also gave me the opportunity to have a moment to myself and reflect on what had happened. Mastectomy had left my chest permanently altered yet I can hide it. The hair made me feel like a cancer patient.
I still have stubble on my head that is holding on. There are a few bald patches where I’d pulled it out prior to shaving. The stubble will eventually fall out leaving me with a nice clean head. A cold head, but clean.
Every so often I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and am sad. However, I remind myself that this will grow back. I am hoping for better hair than I had before.
For now, I will celebrate being alive and able to fight this horrible disease. I will be thankful that I can make cancer look beautiful. I will enjoy my upcoming birthday and spend as much time as I can doing the things that I love. Bald or not.