Letters to those I loathe

Dear Mr. UPS Man;

I find it unecessary for you to bang on my front door during naptime. I appreciate a nice courteous knock to know that there is a package at my door, but for you to bang so hard as to wake up my sleeping 2 year old is a bit much. In fact, not only did you disturb my child you may have very well woken up the neighbor?s child. I am not talking the neighbor next door or across the street. We are talking the lady that lives around the corner and down the street. Yeah, that loud.

Sure, I may get a tad excited when I see your big brown truck pull up in front of my house. And I may slobber a little when I know you are delivering awesome toys from my husbands aunt. Well we might say I even get a little giddy to know that those toys will provide the aforementioned 2 year old with some entertainment so mommy can say… cook dinner, but this is no excuse for wailing on my front door like a swat team.

Should you ever do this again please be prepared for one pissed mama chasing you down my driveway toward your big brown truck throwing those precious packages at you.


Dear Toy Manufacturers;

I must admit that you have gone above and beyond in the display of your entertainment for tots. Boxes all neatly displayed showing the contents so my child looks at them and instantly knows that this is something he should start begging for. However; I find that your display choices greatly inconvenience me, the parent that must unwrap your toys.

Is it really necessary for you to put 12 bazillion twisty ties on your toys. Granted I am sure that the doll could pull a Chuckie move and jump out of the box at night, but really, how many possesed toys have you seen come alive in the stores at night? Let?s just forget about the psycho fire truck in my garage shall we.
If you must know the parents are the ones who must remove this wiry mess. Better yet it is the mother that gets the pleasure of doing the deed. Yes the mom. The tired, not enough coffee, cold food eating, uncombed hair, stained shirt wearing mom. Do we really have the time or the energy to undo all of those damn things? Hell no!!! Please do yourselves and us a favor… forget the twisty ties, throw all the stuff into the box and call it good.

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