There were so many times during the adoption process that I didn’t think that we’d ever make it through. Somehow I kept going. I kept praying, hoping, wishing and dreaming.
As of late my life has become the land of lost dreams. I seem to have lost my ability to dream. We aren’t talking about Abe Lincoln and I need better sleep type of dreaming, but future dreaming. The part of life that keeps you going every day.
I’m stuck in a rut of life and am starting to dig that hole. We have a lack of funds and that doesn’t help. I’ve gotten to a place where I ask, what’s the point. I don’t want to get my hopes up because it won’t ever happen. Nothing specific. Just anything.
Much like my delusion that church billboards talk to me I also have a notion that Apple somehow installed a psychic user interface. I think my iPod knows something. It keeps playing a song over and over. Then I get hooked on it and I play it over and over. Music is one thing that I rarely get bored with. I will listen to the same CD over and over again. I had 1 Alanis CD in my car’s changer for at least 5 months. Got in my car, you knew that CD #1 was Alanis. The age of the iPod and the shuffle mechanism has changed that.
So this song. It’s called “Faust, Midas and Myself” and it’s by Switchfoot. Have a listen*.
In listening to this song I started to think. What would happen if I did wake up one day and all of my dreams had come true. Would it make me any happier. If I had everything in the world that I ever wanted would I somehow be better off. Not really. It’s the dreaming that makes us whole. The ability to have that excitement is what makes us breathe.
I then thought about what my dreams are. I hadn’t had any for so long I really had to think. There is something that has been pulling at me for quite a while now. I can see it in a memory of little eyes peering at me. Smells, sounds, experiences that I’ll never forget. It is the children I left behind in Russia. I can’t bring them all home, but I can do something to help. I just have to figure out how, and that is the dream. One I actually can make into a reality.
What do you dream about?
*That mp3 plugin took both the trusty husband and I over an hour to figure out.? We are dumb.