Invisible Friends

I want to thank you all for your well wishes and words of encouragement yesterday.? I had a moment where I was going to sit down and delete this whole site.? That’s how bad it was.? Really bad.? I also appreciate your concern and gentle prodding me to “give the pharmaceuticals a try.”? Sorry.? Not going to happen.? I have gotten through a lot worse without them and I will get through this without them too.

I spent my “free” time yesterday constantly hitting refresh on my own site just to see your wonderful comments.? I received encouraging emails and a lovely invite from Willow to go out for a walk on the waterfront tomorrow (of which I jumped on).? In between checking for comments I visited Willow’s site just to look at the beautiful photos of my child.? Because, let’s face it, you know you want to look at him too when you are in a bad mood.? Just. so. gorgeous!

When I look back on what I got accomplished yesterday I amazed even myself.? I guess a pissed off fury will do that to someone.? I cleaned my kitchen, including the nasty ass floor.? I cleaned the bathroom, mostly because of a bit of a poop incident.? How about it was so good that while I was trying to rinse out underpants in the toilet the boy was sitting next to me saying, “Elmo’s swimming.”? I just about died laughing.? That is what my life has been reduced to.? Laughing at having to rinse out poop in the toilet.? You still wanna be me right?? I also washed 3 loads of laundry (the trusty husband folded them), I made the “door/curtain” for the boy’s bed, hung a towel bar in the kitchen and did a quick vac of the minimal carpeting in the house (sans the family room).? So it wasn’t a complete waste of a day.

I do want to believe that I am a good parent.? I look at how far my child has come in the one year we have had him home (It’s one year today).? I see how much he has grown, how much he talks, how big he smiles and how much he laughs.? He couldn’t have done that without me.? Not to diminish what the trusty husband does, but hey… I’m home with the child all day.? I like being a stay at home mom.? I do miss work, but this gig has the best rewards.? Like this morning when the boy told me I looked cute.

12 Comment

  1. I’m glad to hear that you’re feeling better! And you got so much accomplished! It takes me about a week to do that normally!! And when I’m in a funk, it doesn’t get done for a while (which then starts a downward spiral). You are doing a great job, and you should be proud of what you’ve done. I also agree with your stand on not taking pharmaceuticals – I think that there are a lot of natural remedies that should be tried before going to pill popping. There are many cases where that is what’s needed, but there are also many cases where it isn’t. I’ve talked to my doctor about it as well, and decided to do some research and soul searching before making a decision on the pharmaceuticals. I have since found a great book (“Radical Acceptance”) that has helped me a lot – even though I haven’t finished reading it yet! I also know that acupuncture and exercising are great ways to combat depression. Good luck, and I hope Elmo doesn’t “need” any more swimming lessons!!

  2. I also appreciate your concern and gentle prodding me to ?give the pharmaceuticals a try.? Sorry. Not going to happen. I have gotten through a lot worse without them and I will get through this without them too.

    I’m curious why you are so opposed to Rx-help. It looks a bit like a No for No’s sake, yet you seem more practical than that. Tis a puzzlement.

  3. You are absolutely right about being a great parent to that kid. Did you forget he’s a genius?

  4. Dana says: Reply

    I’m on the same page with pharmaceuticals. Can’t explain it. Just don’t want them. Give me some acupuncture and a good cup of coffee (or wine) and a massage instead.

    Glad you’re feeling better. And your kid telling you you’re cute…now how cute is that!?!?

  5. if acupuncture and good coffee/wine & massage do the trick, then yeah, shun the Rx. But if not, I’m curious about the refusing for the sake of refusing.

  6. Rhonda says: Reply

    Glad you’re feeling better. We need a pic of the door curtain.

  7. Elle says: Reply

    I don’t shun pharmaceuticals for the sake of saying no. I have a very strong belief about putting artificial products into my body. I won’t say that I don’t use/eat/drink anything artificial, but I believe that if there is something out there that is natural that will do the same thing I am for trying that first. I am the type of person to wait until pain is unbearable before taking meds for it. Headache, cramps, stomach ache, you name it.

    For the most part the acupuncture and herbs are doing the trick. My challenge this year is that the weather changed quicker than normal and I have the added stress of parenting and other work related issues. I will get through this, I just need to bitch (and a new pair of boots) to do it. Yeah… need those boots.

  8. I think I need my glasses checked. I read ‘new pair of boobs’, which, in the context of “no crud in my body please’ was particularly startling.

    Maybe I just need sleep. Thx for the accidental chuckle.

  9. Mom says: Reply

    If YOU can be a productive happy human being most of the time, you’re doing better then most. Our society has become a rough and tough place to live. I see it all the time with everyone in such a hurry. Most of us don’t even know our neighbors anymore or smile at a stranger. Sad. But…if most of your time is in darkness and the light seems unattainable…see your Dr. Life is too fricken short to miss out on! I think both our problem is we think too much and just forget to live and laugh!!!

  10. I think Mom is right…we do think too much and forget to live and laugh. You are a wonderful mom..a wonderful person…Oleg will remind you of that every day…and if he’s busy one day and can’t do that, I’ll do it.

  11. Wendy says: Reply

    I am so glad to see you are feeling better! I am all for herbal and holistic remedies (this from a person who works for a pharma research company!) I was serious about photo therapy. One of the triggers to neuro-chemical imbalances is the change in the amount of natural light in a day. By adding in more light, your brain is tricked into staying balanced. This isn’t like a tanning bed, it’s a lamp that emits wavelengths that mimic natural light. You can actually have one at home, flip it on in the evening and sit and bask in the glow. It’s especially effective for SAD sufferers.

    OK, enough nerdiness from me!

    Know that we all love you and think you are Da Bomb! You are a great mom and wife and all-around person. Just for that you deserve the boots (or boobs, take your pick!)

  12. Dana says: Reply

    My little boy seems to have a strange way of knowing just when to say the right thing.

    Frustrated at the state of the house…largely the state he put it in…I sat down and just watched him read a book. I need a break and a few breaths before saying anything.

    Then he looked up at me and smiled his bright, four-year-old, couldn’t-fake-if-he-tried smile and said,

    “Mom, I really love you. You’re the best.”

    So I said,

    “It’s really good I have you to help me. Otherwise I’d have to clean this ALL by myself.”

    “Yep,” he answered, smiling at me.

    Good grief can he turn me from upset to happy about a mess in just a moment’s time. I don’t think he is old enough to realize how effective he is!

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