I was a choice

It has occurred to me that there is a whole conglomerate of adoptive mothers and adoption advocates that were very anti-Obama.? To each his own I suppose.? The thing that got me is that many of those pro-adoption people were anti-Obama because he is pro-choice.? Moreover they actually voted for McCain because he is pro-life.? They didn’t think about the gagillion asshat things that came out of McCain’s mouth.? The hundreds of Freudian slips he made, the proclamation he made that fundamentals of our economy were strong.? They simply looked at one thing.? Pro-life versus pro-choice.? Those people didn’t elect to listen the the very important part where McCain said that he was very much against abortion even if it came down to the “health” of the mother.? And yes, he used air quotes.? This man willingly threw aside the health of a woman.

Now before you go getting your panties in a bunch let me clear the air and say that I am not one of those “sleep with whoever you want and get an abortion if you get pregnant kinds of people.”? I don’t like the thought of abortion.? But I also don’t like the thought of a 13 year old girl getting raped by her uncle and winding up pregnant and expecting to carry that baby.? There are exceptions out there.

I am also an advocate for adoption, but not the baby Olympics kind.? I am an adoptive mother, but of the international sort.? I am an adoptee because of a choice.

In 1975 a woman got pregnant.? She also knew that she didn’t have the means to care for a baby.? Because this incident occurred 2 years after Roe v Wade she had the option of a choice.? If she had gotten pregnant 2 years earlier that baby may have been “taken care of” with something as crude as a coat hanger.? Roe v Wade gave that woman a choice and as a result I’m sitting here writing this.? I am very aware that things could have gone the other way.

Just because I am an adoptive mother or an adoptee doesn’t mean that I am automatically pro-life.? I do believe that safe sex practices should be the first option.? Because that whole abstinence only training… yeah, that works out well.? Just ask Sarah Palin.? If an unwanted pregnancy occurs I believe adoption is the best option, but I also know there are instances where adoption is not the right option.? Especially in cases involving the mother’s health.

So please, don’t lump all people in the adoption circle into the pro-life circle.? There are some of us who still have a brain in our heads.


I will add a little bit here and say that just because I am pro-choice does not mean that I personally would choose abortion.? I know that sounds silly coming from someone who a) can’t get pregnant and b) who has been married for 12 years.? I doubt that at any time in my life I would be faced with this issue, but I’m not the only person in this world.? There are millions of women in this country and they should have the same choice that I have.

Now don’t get me started on Prop. 8.

19 Comment

  1. Maggie says: Reply

    *clap, clap*

    I’m with you. I don’t think pro-adoption and pro-choice need to be on opposite ends of the spectrum. Obviously, as an adoptive mother, I’m well aware of the beauty of adoption. And I’m well aware that if that young 14-year-old girl had made the choice to abort, my son would not be with me now.

    That being said, I am pro-choice. Adamantly so.

  2. mom says: Reply


  3. Lauri says: Reply


  4. kim says: Reply

    I just love the way you write. I am neither adopted nor an adoptive parent. I did, however suffer through multiple miscarrages and infertility issues.

    thanks for your words.

  5. kristin says: Reply


  6. Patti says: Reply

    This is so true. There were so many other issues that were presented by the candidates and certainly pro-life was a major one, but not the ONLY one.

  7. I am adopting. I am pro-choice. I voted for McCain. However, his stance on abortion had absolutely nothing to do with it. In fact, his advocacy for adoption did. Not trying to be argumentative, but to be fair – I just wanted to point out that there is a third category somewhere between Obama supporters and the brainless. πŸ˜‰

    From McCain’s website:
    “Promoting Adoption

    In 1993, John McCain and his wife, Cindy, adopted a little girl from Mother Teresa’s orphanage in Bangladesh. She has been a blessing to the McCain family and helped make adoption advocacy a personal issue for the Senator.

    The McCain family experience is not unique; millions of families have had their lives transformed by the adoption of a child. As president, motivated by his personal experience, John McCain will seek ways to promote adoption as a first option for women struggling with a crisis pregnancy. In the past, he cosponsored legislation to prohibit discrimination against families with adopted children, to provide adoption education, and to permit tax deductions for qualified adoption expenses, as well as to remove barriers to interracial and inter-ethnic adoptions.”

    That being said, I am now supporting Obama. That’s what Americans should do. The election is over and he is our new president. Time to move forward.

  8. I’ve never been shy about sharing my pro-choice beliefs.

  9. Go girl!
    I’m a Christian adoptive mom, and I’m pro-choice, pro-Obama. I make no bones about it.

    And I’m also disgusted that the people of California passed prop 8, which takes away constitutional rights from a set of people (gay people). WTF?!!?! I don’t care if you don’t believe gays should get married – go ahead and espouse that belief and promote it all you want. I support your right to do that. But I will never support changing the law in a discriminatory fashion. And I was sickened to see so many Yes on Prop 8 signs in front of my local churches. Seems like some people don’t get that separation of Church and State is in the best interest of both the Church and the State.

    Anyway – back to you: you are refreshing and honest and just generally awesome.

  10. Heidi says: Reply

    I’m with you! 100%!
    choice ~
    don’t we all deserve it?

  11. Sandy says: Reply

    It is incredibly narrowminded to vote for a candidate based on one issue. I have always thought that the abortion issue is incredibly divisive and has generated so much anger and hate by those that should love and accept each other, despite their differences. Abortion is a terrible option and while I would encourage anyone caught with an unwanted pregnancy to explore all the other options, I would not want it to be illegal. My MIL gave me a little pin with two tiny feet on it… a symbol of the pro-life movement. I am torn about what to do with it. I want to throw it away but I can’t. I don’t like the political movement it represents, and yet I care for the unborn child.
    Imagine what our country would be like if all of those that spend so much time fighting over this issue and generating this insurmountable amount of hate and stress put their energies into educating and aiding young adults so that they don’t ever have to make that uncomfortable choice. And if they ever do have to make the choice, it should be a safe, respected one. Isn’t fewer legal abortions better than more, unsafe and illegal ones?

  12. Ree says: Reply

    Yay Elle! This issue (along with same-sex marriage) is one of the reasons the Republicans are in the poor shape they’re in. They can’t see the big picture….

  13. Andrea says: Reply

    Ugh, yes, those air-quotes just had me grinding my teeth! Even in the off-chance that he meant to convey another meaning (some of my friends admitted it just struck them that he was disparaging the vagueness of the term “health of the mother”) that was still a pretty careless way to go about making his point.

    Your example of the girl and her uncle did give me pause– did you mean that as an example of something that could have happened under McCain? I will admit I didn’t follow your election with a magnifying glass or anything, but it was my understanding that McCain supports abortion in cases of rape and incest. Not that it matters as much now, of course, but that was what I’d heard πŸ˜›

  14. I was laughing by the end of your post. Yes, I’m pro-life. I strongly believe that it’s the woman’s choice, since she’s the one who has to carry and labor the child into the world. However, if you look at statistics (sadistics, I know) of other nations that actually teach sex education – not the watered down version most American kids get, but actual useful information – you’ll see that those nations have significantly lower teen pregnancy rates. What does this say? Well, to start with, sex education (i.e. birth control and STDs, not just human anatomy and physiology) actually works. When kids understand what will happen when a penis enters a vagina, it makes them think. I have two friends who became pregnant when they were teens. Why? Because they had been pulled from sex ed classes, and their families believed it wasn’t appropriate for young girls to think about sex (much less know about it) before they were married. Both of these women admit that if they had been taught even the basics of sex ed (again, not human A&P), they would have either used condoms or not had sex. A small sampling, I know, but still telling.

    On another note, I’m very happy to announce that “my” governor returned home yesterday, and is back at work today. Let’s hope that Sarah doesn’t decide to run for any other position – including a second term as governor!

  15. kara says: Reply

    Elle – Even though I disagree with you, your thoughts were interesting and well stated. Sarcasm is one of the best aspects of your blog. With that said, please don’t imply that just because someone is pro-life, they don’t have a brain in their head. I was pro-choice for many years and feel like I didn’t start using my brain until I became pro-life. But I beleive so much in a educated decision, I spent time with my 12 year old daughter explaining why people need abortions and why it should stay legal. She was trying to decide who to vote for in her school’s election. I have no desire to argue with anyone but just a request. Attack the issue all you want but don’t attack the people and accuse pro-choice advocates of not using our brains. Thanks, Kara

  16. Jenni says: Reply

    Well said Elle. I’m pro-choice, and always will be because of a friend I had in Jr. High. M had been raped by her father and her body had been sold (by her mother) to boys in the neighborhood for sex. Her mom needed the money for drugs. At 12, M became pregnant, and her aunt took her to get an abortion. Her mother was too stoned to care, and her father would have killed her if he had known anyone else was having sex with her.

    This is why I am pro-choice. M certainly didn’t have a choice in getting pregnant, but at least she and her aunt had the choice to end that pregnancy. Not everyone comes from supportive families who have their children’s best interests at heart. All too often, it seems that the pro-life movement either doesn’t consider such situations, or they simply don’t care because it doesn’t personally affect their lives.

  17. kara says: Reply

    Oops. My last sentence should say “Attack the issue all you want but don?t attack the people and accuse pro-life advocates of not using our brains.”

    Thanks to Elle for catching my mistake. Kara

  18. I am Pro Life. Would not choose to abort for any reason. I believe God is in control. That said, I also voted for Obama despite my disagreement on his belief on this Prolife/Prochoice issue. There are just so many (or so much) issues to consider. It was a tough choice. I am praying for him. I do not discuss politics that much. I hate confrontation and arguments. But I thought I’d share my thoughts in here.

    Love the new design Elle! πŸ™‚

  19. stacy says: Reply

    Very well said and I am so with you on this issue.

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