I swear this stuff only happens to me

I know we’ve all had our fair share of crappy days.? Here is a typical yesterday for me.

The trusty husband has been out of town since Sunday.? This left me and the boy alone… for a week.? We are both still alive as of this writing.? Yesterday was slightly questionable.

The boy and I both got out of bed when the dog started barking.? 7:00 a.m.? That was nice.? Usually she starts barking 10 minutes before the alarm goes off.? The boy goes into the bathroom.? A few minutes later I hear, “mom, I need your help.”? Due to some stickage the boy peed down his leg and all over his pjs.? I said accidents happen and sent him off to find sweats.? We found sweats (that were too small because I haven’t don’t laundry all week).? The child put them on, but then started saying he wanted a different shirt because his pj shirt didn’t match his sweats.? I told him no because he was just going to have to change again after breakfast.? To this he started screaming.? Of course he did, I hadn’t had coffee yet.? We argued about that for a while until I told him just to get dressed for the day, but he had to pick out clothes because for the love of god I needed coffee.

Coffee brewing I sit down to watch exactly 2 seconds of the morning “news” (GMA doesn’t exactly count as news).? Then there was more screaming from behind his closed bedroom door.? I asked what now and his issue was that he couldn’t get his jeans snapped.? Instead of asking for assistance like a normal human being he became Screamasaurus, the evil child that makes your ears bleed.? This went on for 10 minutes.

I finished making breakfast and finally had my coffee in hand and my day could finally begin.? We manage (mostly) to get through breakfast.? I go to do my morning work blog reading and the boy does his homework.? Yes, there is homework in preschool.? I tell him it is time to go to school and to put socks and shoes on.? He goes through 3 pair of socks to find ones he can get on his feet, complaining the entire time.? I threaten to send him to school without shoes or socks unless he gets them on now.? *ching* another point for parent of the year.

9:00 we finally leave the house (10 minutes late)

We walk in the door at school and I notice the cart of lunchboxes.? Frick.? It’s lunch day.? Every Wednesday is lunch day.? The boy looks so sad and I send him off to class promising him a lunch *ching ching* 2 points.

I run upstairs to drop off my stuff in my office (holla! I have an office now) and notice the bag of leftover communion bread sitting on the counter.? I had planned to run to the grocery and find something for the child, but hells no, I’m gonna raid the church kitchen.

I throw together a lunch of a PBJ sandwich (complete with concecrated challah bread, goldfish crackers, animal crackers, a capri sun I found in the fridge and 1/4 of the pear I brought for my own snack.? Hey, at least I brought food for someone.? I later find out that the child ate the entire lunch.

We get home and I decide that I’m going to try to finish the skirt I started earlier this week and try to finish the blouse that goes with it so I have a nice new outfit to wear to work tomorrow.? I spend the afternoon cutting out fabric, and start on the hem of my skirt.? All of a sudden the needle goes over a pin and hits it in the wrong spot.? Snaps the needle, bends the shit out of the pin and then the worst happens.? I dislodge everything and the broken tip of the needle falls into the sewing machine.? Now this isn’t the free serger we are talking about here.? This is the very nice sewing machine I purchased 3 years ago for a hefty sum of money.? I clear everything from the machine and go to take out the broken needle.? As I use a dime (I can’t find my sewing machine screwdriver) to loosen the needle screw the needle bar moves to the left.? That’s not supposed to happen.? I spent the next hour totally taking apart my sewing machine to try to fix it, but no luck.? It is busted.? I even tried walking away and coming back to it. Nope.

I pack the boy and my sewing machine into the car and drive off to the fabric store.? I showed the machine to the Viking lady.? She does all the same stuff I did with equally crappy results.? It needs service.? Service=money.? Did I mention that our chocolate fridge died last week?? Even worse, the repair guy won’t be back until the 7th meaning I won’t get my machine back until the 21st at the earliest.? No new outfit for me.

The rest of the evening was mostly ok.? I fed the child frozen mac n’ cheese and I ate leftover pizza.? I laid on the couch with my laptop and watched one of the greatest movies in the world.

I swear this stuff only happens to me.