It’s St. Patrick’s Day.? For the past 11 years I have made St. Patrick’s Day dinner.? Sometimes it’s just the trusty husband and I (because I quit my job and we lived in Kansas and had no friends) or I make it for the trusty in-laws.? Then there is tonight, where I got all excited and started inviting people.? Then I didn’t do the math and figure out how many people I had invited.? Then I did do the math and figured out that I will have 11 adults and 7 children.? Then I went all crazy and thought, hey!? Why don’t we do a sit down!? That would be fun at our dining room table that seats (a thin) 6.? And we only have 8 chairs.? Whee!? Damn that happy tea is really working.? Of course this all happened on Friday which was one…two… oh yeah, three days ago.? See, I’m slow with the math.
Last week the trusty husband was sent to Trader Joes for chicken and came home with much more than chicken. That man totally lacks the capacity to buy just what is on the list.? I reprimanded him a little and he said, “but you’ll be happy with what I bought.”? I told him it better be a new fantabulous $3 wine.? And he said it was better.? Trader Joes was selling all natural, pastured corned beef.? (he’s on a pastured meat kick)? He bought 2.? I was happy.? Not new fantabulous $3 bottle of wine happy, but happy nonetheless.
Fast forward to yesterday and me realizing that I have 16 people coming for dinner (2 don’t count, they’re babies) and 2 corned beefs were not enough.? I was sent (unsupervised) to Trader Joes to purchase more beef.? I picked up 2 more, and browsed the store for the other items on my list and maybe a few things that were not (mmmm, big and chunky applesauce).? This is when things took a serious turn for the worst.
You know that little counter near the back of the store.? The one usually right next to the pet food.? That little counter that doles out bite sized morsels of Trader Joes goodness.? You know the one.? The sample counter.? That evil little Trader Joes secret that makes you buy extra shit you don’t need.? Kinda like the people at Costco with the lunch lady aprons and the hair nets hawking their wares.? Well yesterday they were sampling their corned beef.? The same corned beef that I had in my fridge at home and in my cart.? Of course not one to turn down free food I ambled over to the sample counter… just to make sure the beef I was buying was actually good.? Cause wouldn’t that suck.? 17 pounds of beef that tastes like crap.? But it’s corned beef.? How can corned beef be bad?
I took my little meat cube on a toothpick and savored the tasty little bite.? What happened after that, well I don’t quite know.? I kinda blacked out into euphoria of meaty goodness.? I started shoveling as many samples into my mouth as possible.? I may or may not have toothpick still lodged in my throat.? I tried to grab the sample lady over the counter and demand that she give me the rest of the salty yummy goodness.? At that point the hidden Trader Joes security guys came and drug me kicking and screaming out of the store while the rest of the shoppers (and there were lots since it was Sunday) looked disparagingly at me and shook their heads.? I think I heard one lady say, “she must have a 3 year old,” as the security guys tossed me on my ass outside of the store.? They informed me that my Big and Chunky Applesauce privileges have been revoked and that I should consider finding my Greek Style Yogurt and frozen Tandoori Naan elsewhere.? They let me keep the corned beef seeing as I was gnawing on the packages and all.
*This story may or may not contain real facts.