Funny thing about blogging. ?It is an addictive burden. ?Everyone starts a blog at some point. ?Admit it. ?You tried it. ?But then you thought, I’m not as funny as so and so and why aren’t people commenting… ah fuckit. ?Then you quit. ?Such is the cycle of blogging. ?Then there are a few out there who start blogging because they got bored one day at work and then all of a sudden they are famous, making lots of money and galavanting around the country. ?Then there are those very few of us who started blogging for a specific purpose, kept writing because if we didn’t people we knew outside of the magic internet box would start phoning us asking for “updates” and really… who wants to rehash a very boring story 400 times over the phone. ?I have better things to do, like breathe. ?After a while people start reading your life story (that you have no clue why you put out there for all of the world to see) and they get hooked. ?You get hooked. ?It’s like a little emotional high. ?At least for me it is.
I’m a words person*. ?This means that I find love through words. ?(I give love through gifts, but accept it through words.) ?Comments are like telling me you love me. ?Sounds corny right. ?Pretty much is. ?So take into consideration that 1) I’m a stay at home mom so most of the words I hear are in the form of get me this or wipe my butt 2) I’m married to a very quiet person and 3) I have the attention span of a gnat so the internet is instant gratification. ?It was a habit in the making.
Trouble is, the more you blog the more readers you get the more you want to impress those people (most of whom you don’t know) the less there is to write about. ?Or the less you want to write. ?I spent 30 minutes yesterday composing a long post about all of the shit that is going so horribly wrong in my life right now and then I sat back to think about what I had written. ?The post surely would have elicited many a comment, but there was stuff that I hadn’t even talked to the trusty husband about. ?Stuff that I’m sure he would appreciate hearing from me ?and not the internet. ?I just wanted to throw something out there because I could hear the crickets and awkward shuffling in your seats.
Truth be told, I’ve been questioning my reason for blogging for quite some time now. ?In all reality I should just give it up. ?I just can’t. ?Maybe it’s that I need some kind of change in my life. ?Nothing major has changed in the past 3 years. ?You would think that is a good thing, but when you’ve been in the process of moving, changing jobs or working on an international adoption for 10 years 3 years of nothing changing is… well, it’s boring.
I have ideas of where I want to go with my life (outside of the internets), but I need the words and encouragement from those who can look me in the face and say, you are taking a risk, but I’m there to support you.
So there might be crickets here and there. ?I’m not jumping off of a bridge. ?I’m just trying to figure out where to go from here.
*Yes, silly save your marriage stuff, but the book was recommended to me by my therapist years ago, we both read it and had ah-ha moments about ourselves and each other.