Funny thing about blogging. ?It is an addictive burden. ?Everyone starts a blog at some point. ?Admit it. ?You tried it. ?But then you thought, I’m not as funny as so and so and why aren’t people commenting… ah fuckit. ?Then you quit. ?Such is the cycle of blogging. ?Then there are a few out there who start blogging because they got bored one day at work and then all of a sudden they are famous, making lots of money and galavanting around the country. ?Then there are those very few of us who started blogging for a specific purpose, kept writing because if we didn’t people we knew outside of the magic internet box would start phoning us asking for “updates” and really… who wants to rehash a very boring story 400 times over the phone. ?I have better things to do, like breathe. ?After a while people start reading your life story (that you have no clue why you put out there for all of the world to see) and they get hooked. ?You get hooked. ?It’s like a little emotional high. ?At least for me it is.

I’m a words person*. ?This means that I find love through words. ?(I give love through gifts, but accept it through words.) ?Comments are like telling me you love me. ?Sounds corny right. ?Pretty much is. ?So take into consideration that 1) I’m a stay at home mom so most of the words I hear are in the form of get me this or wipe my butt 2) I’m married to a very quiet person and 3) I have the attention span of a gnat so the internet is instant gratification. ?It was a habit in the making.

Trouble is, the more you blog the more readers you get the more you want to impress those people (most of whom you don’t know) the less there is to write about. ?Or the less you want to write. ?I spent 30 minutes yesterday composing a long post about all of the shit that is going so horribly wrong in my life right now and then I sat back to think about what I had written. ?The post surely would have elicited many a comment, but there was stuff that I hadn’t even talked to the trusty husband about. ?Stuff that I’m sure he would appreciate hearing from me ?and not the internet. ?I just wanted to throw something out there because I could hear the crickets and awkward shuffling in your seats.

Truth be told, I’ve been questioning my reason for blogging for quite some time now. ?In all reality I should just give it up. ?I just can’t. ?Maybe it’s that I need some kind of change in my life. ?Nothing major has changed in the past 3 years. ?You would think that is a good thing, but when you’ve been in the process of moving, changing jobs or working on an international adoption for 10 years 3 years of nothing changing is… well, it’s boring.

I have ideas of where I want to go with my life (outside of the internets), but I need the words and encouragement from those who can look me in the face and say, you are taking a risk, but I’m there to support you.

So there might be crickets here and there. ?I’m not jumping off of a bridge. ?I’m just trying to figure out where to go from here.


*Yes, silly save your marriage stuff, but the book was recommended to me by my therapist years ago, we both read it and had ah-ha moments about ourselves and each other.

13 Comment

  1. Hope the stuff you are dealing with isn’t too overwhelming.

    I question my blog weekly these days. I love it – really I do. But my life is quiet and a little dull these days (which I am good with after 5 years of roller coaster) so that leaves me with not a lot I’m willing to share. I used to feel okay pouring my heart out but despite my dwindling readership, there are some things I’m just not comfortable throwing out there anymore. So I throw up cute photos of my kids, tell stories about the kids so that I don’t have to call my MIL or step mom every week, and share recipes because I love cooking. I can’t give it up – the community became so important to me and I feel like they are friends that I can’t let down by walking away from it (over inflated sense of importance much?) nor do I want to lose the connection.

  2. Ah, I get where you’re at. Actually, I could have written this post myself and signed my name to it. (Well, copy and pasted and minorly tweaked for personalization. =)) Maybe it’s just the natural course of blogging.

    And, even though I’ve contemplated quitting myself (though I probably won’t) I hate when my internet “friends” just disappear. Is it weird to wonder sometimes what they’re up to? There should be some sort of reader contract for periodic updates. Kind of like post-placement reports, you know?!

  3. DebiP says: Reply

    I love to hate my blog…have not been there in awhile…I guess I am hating it right now…I get you

  4. Kami says: Reply

    I think that sometimes you need to stir things up a bit and force yourself to make things happen. And then once you do you wondered why you waited so long because you finally have something to be excited about again. So whatever it is you are thinking about doing I say “go for it”! xoxo!

  5. Michele says: Reply

    Blogs aside, I’ve been questioning everything recently too. It might be the season. I’ve been an on and off again stay-at-home, girlfriend-then-wife/home remodeler the past 5 years. 5 long years. I’m bored and tired of telling my hubby how I don’t think the dining room color goes with the living room color. And I’m tired of listening to every detail of his workday without anything interesting of my own to respond with. He doesn’t find window treatments a great topic of conversation.

    Anyway, good luck with pursuing your non-blog interests. I can’t wait to read about it on your blog. lol! Or maybe I’ll run into you at a local nursery sometime. Oh, and my mom’s solution to everything is church. She wants me to attend your church. My hubby is not enthusiastic about sitting in church on his Sunday mornings. I’m not enthusiastic about joining a church without him. But I do miss church. Hearing about Holden Village on your blog brought back a lot of memories.

    Oh and maybe you can answer a question for me. My hubby is totally into this grow local thing. He went crazy this Summer with veggies and seriously needs an outlet. He wants to know if there is any functioning gardening organization focused on growing local in Tacoma. Kind of like Seattle Tilth. Do you have any ideas? Thanks!

  6. Margaret says: Reply

    Here are some words so you can feel the love.

    Dog. Binder. Printer. Slide. Photo. Book. Penny. Nickel. Dime. Paper. Camera. Pen.

    I’d have many more words — because that’s how much I love you. But those are all the things immediately within sight on my desk.

  7. Liv says: Reply

    I’m not comfortable writing on my blog anymore because my SIL reads it.

  8. olga vladimirsky says: Reply

    It is very interesting to read your blog about your blogging.
    I do not blog, but read a number of blogs connected to my daughter, my daughter friends and my daughter-in-law.
    They warm up my heart. It creates a word of people I consider connected to somehow. I actually worry about these people if they go off-line for long time.
    It is hard work to raise children.
    It is is very reassuring to me to see young women to put so much heart and effort into their children upbringing. The children are our future, it does not matter if they are yours or mine or somebody else. We all will live with them.
    Do not get discouraged, you life may not sound so glamorous to you but it will pay long term.
    And there is not a single recipe to live your life right. You just muddle along angry and frustrated hoping for the best.
    Zhizn prozhit, ne pole pereity.
    The best translation of this old Russian proverb my grandmother used to say to me is:
    To lieve a life is not as simple or straightforward as to cross the field.
    Anybody can offer a better translation?

  9. Karen says: Reply

    I look forward to reading your blog every day as soon as I get home. No, I don’t need a life – it’s as crazy as I can handle, really! I miss seeing your mom at work and your blog makes me feel connected. And you really have a gift with words. I loved your post about child 5.0. Do you still do any landscape planning? We’re building a house and I’ll have a “blank” slate – front yard and back yard.

  10. Jenny M says: Reply

    My dear, then I’m going to have to get off my butt and hang out with you. In person. 🙂 Then I’ll still get to hear all your stories. Your poor kiddo will have to suffer Patrick’s attentions. I do always get a giggle when I hear about quiet husbands. You might guess that I’m on the other end of that spectrum 🙂

  11. Lena says: Reply

    It’s funny how we all seem to think the same way about our blogs. But if you don’t blog, then we need to spend more time together in person, which we need to do anyways. 🙂

  12. lauri says: Reply

    just keep doing your thing, we love & support you no matter if you blog a little or a lot.

    do it from your heart

  13. Tricia says: Reply

    I have a lot going on in my head and in my house and I’m trying to decide what to say and not say on the blog. Blogging was much more fun when I was anonymous with my blogfriends. Since I invited my friends & family I have to censor myself.

    I am also dealing with the challenge of having to participate in blogs/Twitter/Facebook at work. So it’s hard to do it professionally and at home. I’m trying to find ways / hobbies to get away from the computer!

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