Dumb Driver vs. Bad Driver

I am a self proclaimed bad driver.  I admit that.  Upon the realization of how bad of a driver I really am I stopped performing miscellaneous tasks while driving.  Gone are the days of using driving time to catch up with my mom on the phone.  No make-up application during "commute" times for me.  And I am lucky enough to have a disc changer in my trunk thus avoiding the need to change cds while driving.  I will even go so far as to listen to the same cd over and over in D’s car to avoind having to change it while driving.  (I don’t listen to the radio, too many commercials and DJs are idiots)  That being said, despite the fact that I am a bad driver I am most certainly not a dumb driver.  I am intelligent enough to know the actual rules of the road. 

Dumb drivers are those with no concept of traffic laws.  So lets have a little review of traffic laws shall we?  (these are United States laws. I am fully aware the in other countries you may drive on the opposite side of the road or still in other countries your traffic laws are more like guidelines.)

1. The art of the 4-way stop:  When 2 highways, biways or plain old roads intersect and there is a stop sign at all 4 corners or a 4-way flashing RED light this is a 4-way stop.  When you approach the stopping point ensure your vehicle comes to a complete stop.  If you reach a 4-way stop at the same time as another driver the vehicle to the right is to proceed first.  In all other cases the vehicle that stops first is the first to proceed.  You do not need to wait for other vehicles to come to a complete stop prior to moving.  This rule also applies to 3-way intersections.

2. A free right:  a free right hand turn is allowed at a red light.  If on coming traffic is clear upon the road you are turning on to you do not need to wait for the light to turn green.  You are only sitting in the way of me making my God given right to make a free turn!!!

3. Suicide lanes:  This is also known as a turn lane.  This lane is often in the center of a 2 lane or 4 lane road.  The lane is put there for you to merge into to make a left hand turn.  This is not a lane of travel.  If you are in fact using this lane to turn, kindly merge completely into the suicide lane and get the heck out of my way.

4. The lines on the road:  They are there for a purpose, and color coded for a purpose.  The yellow line should always be on your left and the white line on your right.  Please try to navigate your vehicle within these designated lines.  You may pay taxes on the whole road, but so do I.  So stay in your lane.

5. Power outages and traffic laws:  at most major intersections there is an electronic device hanging from a wire housing a casing with 3-4 lights.  This mechanism directs traffic in the go/stop/ and warning you you need to stop fashion.  In the event of a power outage this electronic device will not work.  Therefore you must have some basic knowledge of traffic rules.  Please refer to rule #1.  When the light is out treat the intersection as a 4-way stop.

6. Depth perception:  Prior to operating a motor vehicle please be aware of your depth perception limitations.  If you cannot judge distances (especially at night) please refrain from driving.  As a general rule of thumb; if the oncoming car is a 1/2 mile away the chances are you have enough time to execute a left hand turn.  Grab em’ and go!!!

7. Simple motor vehicle operation:  Automobiles have 2 or 3 foot operated pedals.  The far right pedal is narrow and verticle.  This is the accelerator.  Do not be afraid to use it.  The left (or center) pedal is the brake.  Please do not be afraid to use this one if you are coming up behind me quickly.  The far left pedal (occasionally omitted in some vehicles) is the clutch.  If you do not understand the full function of the clutch pedal get your ass out of the car and find an automatic.

These traffic laws were designed to protect me, the bad driver, from you, the dumb driver.  If you cannot grasp the concept of these very basic rules I find it best that you stay off the road.  For my safety and yours.