I truly appreciate that you are in tune to your children’s needs that you feel homeschooling would be the best alternative. We have something in common, you and I. I too find the value in homeschooling a bright and energetic child. However, I have one child. While you on the other hand have somewhere upwards of 12. At last count it was 11, but the other week I saw one of your older children toting about a 12 month old that I didn’t know lived in your home. Now this isn’t to say that the child wasn’t his. It is a distinct possibility, but seeing as I have only seen you from the shoulders up as you scream past my house in your gagillion passenger van, with bad breaks, it might in fact be yours. You might want to check with your OB on that one.
Your van brings me to a point. I can, with explicit detail, describe every single solitary square inch of your van. Why would I be able to do this. I have no windows in my home that gaze upon your oh so disheveled property. Why? Because you race past my house about 40 times a day toting various herds of children to and fro. If you are homeschooling, don’t you actually have to be home to do such? I know that youth activities are an important part of growing up, but activities such as harassing me as I try to weed my garden and wandering barefoot up and down the street don’t really count for the younger ones. And would it kill you to brush their hair and buy them clothing other than pajamas?
That whole homeschool thing is really working out for you. Your kids are so bright your youngest (maybe second to youngest depending on the aforementioned 12th child) spend the majority of the day riding his bike through my yard and saying, “hey I know you.” Yeah kid, you live next door. They also have mad personal relation skillz. The son who was carrying the aforementioned, possibly his, child gives me stink eye, with a glimmer of I’m going to egg your house again bitch, every time he walks one of your 2000 dogs past my house.
Are you aware that your older children play very loud music late at night when you aren’t home? Do you know they are shooting fireworks off illegally right outside my son’s bedroom window? And where the hell are you. It is 9:00 at night. I know you don’t have a job lady. For crissake the highway department should be paying you for job security with all the driving you do.
I like my house. I really want to stay here, but if you don’t get your shit together I’m going to have to consider alternatives to being a nice neighbor. And really… you don’t want that to happen. I’m a woman on the edge.
Your neighbor who actually gives two shits.