Christmas Letter 2008

Once again, Merry Christmas from the house of Elle. ?We hope this finds you in good health or at least with few medical bills to pay. ?Lord knows this economy isn’t doing us any favors.

It has been?a mostly uneventful?year in?our?home.??We once again staved off arrest by only participating in minor and unremarkable crimes like shoplifting at the dollar store.

The early part?of?the year was spent surviving our?3.0?toddler model. ?We?were hoping for the?upgrade that would?fix all?of?the bugs, but?it was on back order and?then?got lost by UPS.??It?never arrived and the genius bar?claimed they?couldn’t help us.??Basically, Todd the zit-faced toddler fixing monkey hung us out to dry.

In February Elle was once again struck with the plague. ?Only this time it ended up with her in the hospital. ?She nearly punched out a hospital nurse when she said, “you look like you feel great.” ?This, after Elle had been puking her guts out for 7 hours straight. ?We thank Neal for his generosity in coming to watch the boy in the middle of the night. ?It was that or take the child to the hospital and have him explain to the doctors and nurses how they could be more efficient. ?And when they didn’t listen he would have a screaming fit and throw pudding at them.

By March we had taken?out stock in an earplug?company and a local?vineyard. ?It was at?this?time?that Elle went rogue in?the local Trader Joes.??She went in?to purchase additional?corned beef and ended?up getting?tossed on her ass.??The law suit is still pending for “alleged” assault on a sample?counter employee.

In June we checked Elle into an anger management program and her acupuncturist upped the needles and tea.

Mid June started the?summer off right.??We were able to?meet long?time online friend Tricia and her lovely family.??They vacationed in Seattle and we had the opportunity?to?show?them?around.??Elle and the?boy?took them up?to Mt. Rainier?to enjoy the vistas?and do?some?hiking.??Unfortunately,?this is Washington and there was still?snow in the?hiking areas.??Tricia’s daughter was a little pissed about that and tried to pitch the boy over the?side of the mountain. ?We explained that Ebay wouldn’t appreciate the loss of repeat business and then we bought them ice cream.

In July Elle and the Trusty Husband dropped?the?boy off for what would be?a?fun?filled week of Grammy & Papa adventure.??The grandparents felt?they needed reinforcements?so both the trusty?sister-in-laws and the trusty brother-in-law came to help out. ?They spent the time teaching the boy inappropriate phrases such as, “man, that’s whack,” and “babe, bring me a beer.” ?In the mean time we escorted 7 teenagers to a youth conference in California. ?We only misplaced 2 and a third may or may not have been sucked in by a rip tide in the Pacific Ocean. ?We found suitable replacements and as far as we know the parents haven’t noticed.

After our remaining brain cells?had been abused we met the trusty family at Disneyland for?the ultimate Lampoon’s vacation.??Unlike Wally World, Disneyland was open and as always was the?happiest fricken place on earth.

This fall we sent the boy off?for hockey lessons.??After much protest he finally?succumbed?to his mother’s persuasions?and is begrudgingly participating.??We now own stock in Cold Stone and?have amassed?a small?collection of Chuck E. Cheese?toys in bribes for ice time. ?We?figure the future NHL salaries will more than?compensate us our current grief… that is if they allow crying in hockey.

Per?usual we spent the first two weeks of December engulfed in chocolate.??We?had just lost?the 300 pounds from last?year’s chocolate extravaganza only?to put it on 2 fold?this?year.??Weight Watchers is chomping at the?bit?to?have?us back, but we might have to resort to something a little more extensive.? Gastric by-pass anyone??

We do?have to?give?a?quick?congrats to our dear friend Lena who is expecting baby #3 in June.??After the Trusty Husband talked Elle off the edge of the Narrows Bridge he mentioned that at least?she?could drink. ?Lena then dubbed Elle her designated drinker for the next 6 months.??Elle immediately went out and signed?up for stomach pump of?the?month?club at the local hospital.

We will?spend?this holiday season with family. ?Grandpa’s rehab?has been?going well and his?social?worker says he should be able?to rejoin society by the New Year.??Mom was just?released from the mental institution and as long as she stays on her meds we should be able?to have ham for?dinner without any swine related flashbacks.

We wish?you all?a Merry Christmas and a Happy New year. ?May?you?find fewer hairs in your?food?than last?year and may none of?them be from Uncle Joe’s nose.

Elle,?the Trusty Husband and the boy