Child 4.0

Today we receive our new installation of Child 4.0.? We finally are moving past previous versions of Toddler 3.0 and Toddler 3.5.? We have been waiting for this upgrade like Windows Vista users are waiting for Windows 7.? In the days leading up to the launch of Child 4.0 we have had a preview of what this new version has to offer.

Child 4.0 offers features such as “I did it!” and “Look at me.”? The former is a handy quality when it comes to tasks such as jacket installation, however lacks charm when it comes to “I wiped my own butt.”? Look at me is cute the first 3 times, but has an infinite feedback loop bug.? This makes for a slightly annoyed mother unit especially when new users are present.

We also believe we have inadvertently paid for Child 4.0 “Ultimate Edition”.? This particular model comes with plug-ins such as self name writing (that was actually installed in the interim Toddler 3.5 service pack).? That trait comes in handy with things like thank you notes (because those 4 extra letters were giving me a cramp in my hand).? Implied consent is also a feature that may be part of the advanced model.? This feature is evidenced by “if I sit on the couch I can play with your hair clip” and “if I eat all of my dinner I can have a treat.”

Child 4.0 has fewer malfunctions than Toddler 3.0, but those that are present can be hazardous to users.

The first is the patch to the scream mechanism.? It includes a freak-out mode with a baby talk or whine audible.? Otherwise known as kick and punch and roll around on the ground while yelling, “no. I don wan.”? We’ve tried clicking the ignore button, but the button punches back.? We are still looking for the patch for this feature, but there seems to be none available.

We thought we had successfully reprogrammed the mealtime behavior protocols however Child 4.0 possesses an intermittent poor choice glitch, but still contains the excellent eating module.? A sugar craving module is also present in this model.

Additional bonuses to Child 4.0 include excellent following direction skills, an upgrade in the self clean mechanism and an advanced problem solving algorithm.

Peripherals include upgraded puzzles and additional cars.? The picking out his own shirt feature carries over from the previous installation.? The shirt must now be void of stains and contain a picture of Choo-Choo-ma-Thomas or other train, a tractor or other wheeled vehicle.? In the event that a shirt without a wheeled vehicle is present, Handy Manny will suffice.

Overall we are happy with the upgrade.? We are just happy to recycle the Toddler 3.0 model.

16 Comment

  1. Happy Birthday cutie!

  2. Lena says: Reply

    Happy Birthday!

  3. mom says: Reply

    I loved 2’s, 3’s and now 4’s! He’s made huge hurtles in such a short period of time… and he makes me smile! 😀 Happy 4th O!

  4. Lauri says: Reply

    Happy Birthday Oleg

  5. Liv says: Reply

    Heheeee… I love these. Happy Birthday Oleg.

  6. DebiP says: Reply

    Happy day O….Griffin is right behind you…

  7. Hehe. Happy birthday! Can’t believe he is 4!

  8. Lee says: Reply

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY my handsome man! We love you very much!
    Auntie Lee, Uncle Wayne, & B

  9. Heather says: Reply

    Happy birthday to my favorite Godson!! Thanks mom and dad for recycling the 3.0 model our way….can’t wait for the upgrade (only 358 more days to go) love the nelson’s

  10. Happy birthday Oleg!!!!!

  11. Willow says: Reply

    omg it’s my FAVORITE when you talk about my boyfriend like that!! always makes me laugh! he cant get any bigger though ok? no more upgrades! i want him little FOREVER! 🙂

  12. Jan Bartel says: Reply

    Give Oleg a big 4th birthday hug from his Aunt Jan and Uncle Tom. Wish that we could be there to help you all celebrate. Hope that he likes his birthday present that we got him while were were out there last month. Take care. Love and Hugs, Aunt Jan

  13. Autnie G says: Reply

    Happy Birthday Little O! You are definitely my favorite nephew and I love you lots. I hope you had a great 4th birthday.

    Can’t wait to see you soon!
    Auntie G

  14. kate says: Reply

    I always look forward to these posts extolling the virtues of our new upgrades. :>

    Sorry the birthday ended up covered in…apples. But, so glad Oleg was born!

  15. […] went bad, but I could watch a Monday show on a Wednesday afternoon. ?I was mostly satisfied with Child 4.0. ?There was the occasional freak out mode, but by Child 4.5 that had pretty much been resolved. […]

  16. […] upgrade of the child unit.  This year we get version 6.0.  Last year we tried to recycle the 4.0 unit because of resistance to the 5.0 model.  Looking back I still would like to have that option. […]

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