please not the various and assorted computer parts still loitering on my desk.

Removed from my computer: 1-Firewire card, 1-floppy drive, 1 floppy drive cable, 1 motherboard, 1 AMD Althlon processor chip +corresponding heat sink

Installed into my computer: 1 new AMD Athlon processor chip +corresponding heatsink, 1 new motherboard

I have 1 USB port or cable that isn’t working, but other than that things seem to be pretty normal (except that time, this morning, when I went to my computer and both screens were black and nothing was happening).  Hey, at least they weren’t blue.  Blue is really bad.

A number of years ago the trusty husband decided that he was going to buy a defective computer from Office Max (where he worked at the time). He said it was still under warranty so that he could use that to get it fixed. I should also mention I was in college at the time (my horticulture degree) and this was right when I was coming up on mid-terms. Needless to say our old computer was on its last leg and promptly died the second the “new” computer entered the apartment. I lost everything. Derek assured me he would have the “new” computer up and running soon enough. Weeks later I finally had a mostly restored computer, but had lost all of my school work and all of my music (that I’d downloaded off of Napster when it was still free). I didn’t speak to him for days, maybe weeks. To this day it has been one of the single biggest fights we’ve ever had. I told him that he was only ever allowed to purchase computers brand new from then on out.

Fast forward to last year… Our brand new out of the box computer was about 5 years old and in need of an upgrade. I would pray every time I opened my email, the internet, Illustrator and Dreamweaver at the same time. Odds were something was going to lock up. So Derek convinced me that he could build us a really great computer for around $300. I reluctantly agreed stating that it sure as hell better work when he was done or I would seriously hurt him. He agreed. To his credit, it all did work.

Then one day (about 5 months ago) he came to me and said, “I could make the computer faster if I buy this that and the other thing, then you could run Adobe Creative Suite 4″. Sounds like a great deal doesn’t it? He then proceeds to order a new whatever and downloads the Beta version of Windows 7. Windows 7 somehow doesn’t work with dual monitors (which are essential for my work) so he then thinks we need a new video card. Video card ordered, 7 still doesn’t work. Luckily, he did something that allows me to still use Windows XP so I am not totally lost.

He then gets this crazy idea that a new power supply would make the video card work better thus making Windows 7 work blah blah blah. He orders the new power supply. It arrived yesterday and tried to install it with no avail. Today he tried to put the old power supply back in and now that doesn’t work. He comes out to me and says, “I think the new power supply was defective and may have fried the motherboard.” The emm-effing mother board!

At this point I could have bought a brand new computer! I am going to hurt him. We have no extra money to buy another new bit for this damn computer. I can’t work without the computer so what the hell am I supposed to do? How can he prove to the power supply company that it was their part that broke our computer and not him being stupid and crossing some wires.

In an effort to speed up the process of “fixing” my computer he suggests this morning that we could drive up to Fry’s and see if they have a mother board.  Normally he orders all of our computer parts off of the internet.  We drive up, hem and haw over which one to buy and eventually settle on the one that is $25 more than the one he originally was going to get.  We get home and I assist him in installing the new mother board.  At some point I’d had enough and retreated to my working laptop.  I begin to hear very loud and heavy sighs coming from my office.  A while later he comes out to me and says, “take a look at this, I think I know what the problem is.”  Somehow some dowhidgy on the processor got bent and now that doesn’t work.

Now we get to drive back to Fry’s (which is in Renton, 30 minutes away) to buy yet another part for my computer.

So if you read somewhere that a woman has maimed her husband with some random computer part please send money for bail.

This is the Trusty Husband hijacking Elle’s blog for the night.

Beer: Check.

Two minutes to go.

Remember anytime John McCain says Maverick, you must drink.

Game time. Town Hall format. Dems are the favorite in the polls right now.  Tom Brokaw is the moderator.

80 non-committed voters in the audience.  Candidates haven’t seen the questions, blah, blah.

First question goes to Obama: Economy, what is the fastest way to bailout those retired and on fixed income?

Obama: Worst economic downturn since the great depression.  Trickle down economics doesn’t work.  Make sure strong oversight of bailout package.  Middle class needs bailout.  Tax breaks, mortgage help, healthcare, energy systems.

McCain: Fear and anger.  Energy independence.  Taxes low.  Slow Washington spreading spree.  Have to do something about home values.  Fed but up bad mortgages and renegotiate as reduced home values.

Brokaw: Who would you appoint to replace Paulson.

McCain:  Meg Whitman? Ebay, really?  Maybe we could use ebay to sell the bad mortgages.

Obama: Warren Buffet.  The key is the next treasury sec has to understand help need to come to middle class.  Little ‘economy is sound’ dig at McCain there.

Question to McCain: What in bailout package will help normal people?

McCain: Standard greed and excess line about Wall St.  Suspended campaign b.s. line.  more greed and excess about Fannie and Freddie money.

Obama: Credit markets are frozen.  Biz can’t get loans that they may need to make payroll.  Correcting McCain.  Calling him out on de-regulation.  Obama looks right at McCain while making a claim about him.

Brokaw: Discussion, American economy will get worse before better?

Obama: No, need 21st regulation for 21st century market

McCain: It depends on what we do.  Back on buying back mortgages.  American workers are the best! USA!

Question: How can we trust you when both parties contributed to the financial mess?

Obama: Understands frustration.  Not enough budgeting going on in Wash.  Double national debt under GWB.  McCain voted for 4 out of 5 Bush budgets.  Reform healthcare.  Stop borrowing from Chinese to pay Saudis.  Net spending cuts.

McCain: Trying to relate to questioner.  “I’m a reformer.” Bi-partisan.  Obama has never taken on his party leadership like I have.  Obama is suggesting $865B in new spending.  If he says ‘my friends’ one more time… the current count is 5.

Brokaw: Highest Priorties: Healthcare, Energy and Entitlement (Medicare, SS)?

McCain:  Regan reference.  1) Entitlement 2) Healthcare 3) Energy.  We can do all of them at once

Obama:  Need to prioritze 1) Energy (10 year plan to be free of middle east oil) 2) Healthcare 3) Education.  Line by line audit of budget.

Question: What sacrifices will you ask americans to make?

McCain: Some programs we may have to eliminate.  Eliminate earmarks. Spending freeze except for defense, VA and ’some others’ whatever that means.

Obama: GWB sqaundered opportunities of 9/11.  Americans hungry for leadership.  Asking americans to serve (Peace Corp)

Brokaw: Wall St got ‘drunk’. How to prevent ‘easy’ money?

Obama: Look at revenue side and spending side.  Everyone needs to contribute.

McCain: Nailing down Obama tax plans is like nailing jello to the wall.  Good one John   More fear, tax increases will hurt small business.  Double child credit.

Question: Reforming SS and Entitlements

Obama: He’s back on the tax thing.  tax cut for everyone making $250k or less.  Only small % of small biz make more than $250k.  Also would give tax credit for healthcare.  Must reform healthcare and taxes to be able to tackle entitlements.

McCain: More about being a maverick without saying it.  more about special interest.

GAME CHANGE: Drink when McCain says my friends!

Question: What would you do in the first 2 years on climate change and green jobs

McCain: My Friends! DRINK! Nuclear power is the answer. safe and clean. We can do it. the americans are the best.

Obama: One of biggest challenges of our time.  opportunity.  Green economy can create 5 million jobs. he confused computers with the internet.  McCain voted 23 against alternative energy.  Drilling is nice but won’t solve the problem.  we have 3% of oil but use 25% of world’s oil.

Brokaw: Should we fund ‘Manhattan project’ or ‘garage projects’ when it comes to energy

McCain: my friends. DRINK! Obama voted for bush/cheney energy bill.  my friends. DRINK!

Question: Do you believe healthcare should be treated as a commodity?

Obama: Healthcare is breaking budgets.  Moral impairitive to provide healthcare.  Work with employers to provide lower premiums.  Give americans access to program like senate has.  Talking about McCain taxing healthcare benefits while provide a ‘tax credit’

McCain: Health records online? With what privacy protections? Says Obama will fine employers who don’t provide benefits.  So yes, he would commoditize healthcare.  based on the answer of buying healthcare of their choice from any company in any state.

Brokaw: Is healthcare a priviledge, right or reponsibility?

McCain: Responsibility.  Available and affordable for those who want it.  No gov’t mandate.

Obama: A Right. Everyone should have healthcare. No gov’t in mandate in my plan.  McCain voted against expanding SCHIP.  Gov’t should crack down on ins companies that try to avoid paying legimate claims.

Question: How will the economy affect the US being a peacekeeper in the world?

McCain: my friends. DRINK!  we need to know when we can make a difference.  Kosovo, guess who wrote that bill? Joe Biden.  my friends DRINK!

Obama: Takes exception to ‘lack of experience’ reference.  McCain and repubs were wrong on Iraq and didn’t focus on Afghanistan.  Iraq is constraining ability to act as peacekeeper.

Brokaw: Use of US forces for use of force for humanitarian aid?

Obama: There may not be a security issue but there is a moral obligation.  It’s in our nation interest to help those in need (Darfur, Rwanda, Holocaust)

McCain: my Friends DRINK! Can’t set date of withdrawal for Iraq. my friends DRINK! We’ll only affect genocide when McCain thinks we can make a difference?

Question: Should the US respect Pakistan borders or go after terrorists?

Obama: Made mistake going into Iraq when we should have gone after Bin Laden in Pakistani Mts.  War on terror began and will end in Afghanistan.

McCain: Pakistan cooperation is important. “Walk softly, carry a big stick.” my friends DRINK!

Foreign policy break…

Question: How can we apply pressure to Russia on humanitarian issues?

McCain: Putin, once KGB always KGB.  Penalize aggression.  There won’t be a second cold war. work with allies

Obama: agree with most of want McCain said. be proactive instead of reactive.

Is Russia evil empire?

Obama: done evil things and resurging under Putin

McCain: Won’t commit either way

Question: What would US response in Iranian attack on Israel?

McCain: my friends DRINK! Wouldn’t wait on UN security council.  Can’t allow Iran to go nuclear.  need tougher sanctions. my friend DRINK! can’t allow 2nd holocaust

Obama: Iran can’t go nuclear.  Would threaten entire region.  never take military options off the table.  We must use all tools as our disposal. provide path back to being in the international community.

Question: What don’t you know and how will you learn it?

Obama: He’s dodging the question.

McCain: What’s going to happen in the world and here at home.  What the unexpected will be?  Isn’t that self-explanatory since it’s unexpected?  Now into USAAAAAaaa, rah, rah, rah!

And we’re done.  Mostly the same talking points as always.  No clear winner in this one.

Total “my friend” count = 22

Years ago I made the trusty husband promise me that he would never again buy a broken computer.  I made him swear that any computer he purchased had to be brand spankin’ new out of the box.  You see, he used to work for Mega Office Supply Chain and found a great deal! on a smokin’ computer! (only it was returned to the store as defective) and still has the manufacturer’s warranty!

He brought his new conquest home and tried to fix it himself.  But not before the hard drive on the old computer crashed causing me to lose everything I had including hundreds of songs I’d downloaded off of Napster.  (When Napster was still free)  By the time we got the new computer working Napster wasn’t so much free anymore.  And did I mention he tried to do all of this while I was still in college and in the middle of mid-terms?  To make matters worse he couldn’t fix the problem so he had to call in an “expert.”  Some Nerd Herd guy came out to the house.  Still couldn’t fix it and they had to send it to the Nerd Factory.  It took a team of nerds 2 weeks to make it work.  I think there was a point in there that I didn’t speak to him for almost a week.  It was so bad that I actually picked up the phone and called one of my girlfriends to specifically bitch about him.  I never do that.

At that moment I made him swear that he’d never do that again.  So 5 or 6 years ago we bought a new computer, fresh out of the box.  It served me well.  But she was old and tired.  And I am old and poor.  A new gray hair would sprout out of my head at the mere mention of opening Photoshop and Dreamweaver at the same time.  I’d get an error message every time I opened InDesign.  (that’s why I do all of my publications in craptastic Publisher.)

A few weeks ago the trusty husband suggested that he buy some new parts to make my computer a little faster.  I have to leave the room every time he pulls the case off of my computer.  I can’t see her all exposed like that.  He thought that since we can’t afford to buy the bright and shiny new computer that I really want he would at least make mine usable until such time occurs that we could purchase the shiny new one.  Or even better this one.

Seeing as my computer was on it’s last leg I agreed.  Then he started talking crazy out stuff like a new case and other hardware crap that I don’t know anything about.  He was going to build me a new computer.  (but according to him it’s not because he was reusing some parts)

The downfall to all of this is that when the big brown truck arrived last night (at 7:00 p.m.) the box with the fancy new case was dented.  My mother taught me never to buy anything in a dented box.  Sho nuf, the case was dented.  Will the trusty husband return it?  Hell no.  It took him an hour to disassemble my old computer and reassemble the new one.  He turned it on and it kept doing a restart loop.  That man was up until 1:00 a.m. making my computer work.

It works, but I have no Office products.  Messenger work’s but with a recurring error message.  So here it is the day before I print the publication I do every month with no computer to do it on.  Nice.

And I’m not all that convinced it is any faster.  Although I don’t get that error message when I open InDesign anymore.  That’s kinda nice.  I can also say that the new one is much larger, much louder, but has a fancy clear side to entertain the boy for a while.  And at night it puts off an ethereal blue glow that’s kinda creepy.