An open letter to the child who keeps calling me mommy

Dear small boy,
Why do you feel the need to announce to the entire restaurant that I am going potty? Are you aware that you have a very high shrill voice that carries across every room. So loud in fact that I could hear you all the way in the potty. I am sure the other diners don’t care that I am about to use the facilities. Let them eat their pot stickers in peace.

Also, I have told you a million times that it is not ok to ride the flat carts at the mega home improvement store despite what your grandmother told you. Trust me when I say that there is big giant lettering on the cart that says, “Do not ride.” It is not necessary for you to express your displeasure in such a decibel that people in the garden center can hear you.

And please for the love of god, while I am generously allowing you to walk in the grocery store, can you stop slapping my butt. I am aware that it is a pretty big target, but lets not draw attention to it shall we.

Thank you,
Your mother

7 Comment

  1. This could be copied and given to every toddler only in our case it would be addressed to Dear small Girl. Also, when will they learn to read it?


  2. Oh man, this is great. Mind if I print out a copy to save it for future use? 😉

  3. NEAL says: Reply


  4. Isn’t it amazing the new and creative ways our kids find to embarrass us? No worries, you’ll return the favor when he’s a teenager. 😉

  5. Jenny2 says: Reply

    I think I told my nephews it was OK to ride on the flat carts. Oops I need to call my Sister. Bad Auntie.

  6. DebiP says: Reply

    ahhhh wait till he starts patting your boobs…that is a treat!!mommyhood what lucky women we are

  7. haha! that’s hilarious….

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