What they say about boys is true

You know that thing that people pass around to mothers of boys. The one about the average response time of the San Antonio fire department is 5 minutes. Since I am the mother to a boy I get this thing all the time. Of course it is always sent to me by a friend who isn’t the mother to a boy. They think it’s all funny and stuff, but you know… you just can’t make that shit up. My son’s grandfather taught him that a ceiling fan makes a great baseball bat. However we never turn the fan on for fear of the incessant “round and round and round and….” You have to know my child. So he just throws random objects at the ceiling fan for the fun of it. Lord help me this summer when our house is a sweltering 102 degrees and I have to turn the fan on. I best put the glass repair guy on speed dial. Just to be safe.

Now television is something that I never watch during the day. I don’t need Dr. Dumbass telling me that I need to grow a spine. I know my fashion sense is something to be desired for, but I really don’t want skinny models telling me how to dress. Come on, show someone with an ass the size of Texas and then I might start to take your advice. Either way, I got bored this morning and rather than doing the laundry like I should have been doing I sat down to watch TV. I got sucked in my Real Housewives of Orange County. You see why I don’t watch TV in the middle of the day. As I sat there wasting what few brain cells I have left I once again noticed that my two year old occupied house was far to quiet. Gawd I hate it when that happens. It only means that something is broken or I have to tell him, “no, it isn’t ok eat the cat food.”

Once again my bedroom door was closed. Try the handle. Locked. The child locked himself in our bedroom. I am not kidding here people. And this isn’t a simple push button lock. It is a turn the thing lock. I start pounding on the door. “Please open the door.” I only hear screams from the other side. They were pissed screams of “how dare you disturb my ransacking of your room woman.” I frantically called the trusty husband. His great advice was to get a screwdriver to put in the door knob and unlock it. That’s all well and good, but all the screwdrivers that would fit in the hole were in the bedroom with the child. As a last resort I started to remove the door knob from the door. That’s when the boy came and nicely unlocked the door.

The child is only 2. I have a long way to go people. A loooong way to go.

13 Comment

  1. Thanks for giving me alot to look forward to!

  2. hmmm… sounds like you have a little trickster to deal with…. ahahahaha

  3. God made kids cute so you don’t kill them πŸ™‚

  4. Jessica says: Reply

    I’m so glad Quin can’t handle door knobs yet! I guess I should restate that: he can only turn door knobs that are at the bottom of the stairs, like the door going into the garage (at the bottom of a half flight of stairs). Currently my boy is wanting a “please up” ever 30 seconds, and we’re not sure if it’s because he’s sick or because he’s aware of his soon to change status in the family (from only to oldest).

    And when we get a ceiling fan (hopefully when Rich is up in a week or so), I will make sure Quin doesn’t learn the “baseball” trick! πŸ™‚

  5. Yep. He’s a boy.

  6. Jenny says: Reply


  7. Carla says: Reply

    LOL, BTDT so many times that I know which kind of locks to request when building a house, and house hunting…well if the locks could not easily be undone from outside that house was knocked off our list.

    BTW, from the grown up boy sitting next to me, socks make GREAT “balls” to throw at rotating ceiling fans and they don’t knock out windows. Might knock over a few drinks, or knick knacks, or picture frames though.

  8. OH MY GOSH. I would have had a panic attack if Piney had locked herself in a room that was destroyable.

    I just want you to know that 3.5 ys. is the magic number when all of this ENDS. This is a really challenging age- but when it is gone you will miss it. Ya I’m not believing that either right now-just get me to 3.

  9. DebiP says: Reply

    Hey, if he is eating the cat food and not throwing it that is something…he is at least eating!!

  10. mom says: Reply

    Revenge in Motherhood comes when your daughter is Mom!!!!!

  11. I am the mother of 3 boys:-) I do have butter knives hidden at the top of each doorway for when KanKong decides to lock himself in (we got the kind of handles that are easily opened with any straight object). I must say though… I have never had to replace glass, put out a fire, or wrangle any wild animals because of my boys… They really ARE NOT SO BAD!!!!:-)

  12. Lauri says: Reply

    awwww man… that stinks… i would have been freaking out big time… thank goodness he opened it

  13. Zeeb is constantly locking doors too. Thank goodness all ours are the push-button kind and just about anything will open them. I really hope he doesn’t discover the fan-as-bat trick … I could see all my kids doing that one and oy what a mess that would be!

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