When you’re 6

When you’re 6 it is difficult to express your feelings.  There is so much going on in life that everything becomes a jumbled mash-up of emotions and everything comes out all wrong.

Two events are happening in the life of our 6 year old that are causing him to be a less than pleasant person to be around.

The first is that I am gradually going back to work (almost) full time.  It is full time (actually more)  if you count my second job, but I do that from home so there isn’t the same impact.  Over the Winter I have worked 10-7 on Thursdays and 10-6 on Saturdays.  On the 4th of March I added Fridays and today I add Wednesdays.  That means I work 10-7 three weekdays and 10-6 Saturdays.  That’s a lot of work.  Add in that the boy gets on the bus at 7:40 in the morning and gets off while I’m at work, I see him for about 40 minutes each week day.  It is hard on me and him.  In addition, we’ve hired a good friend to be our two day a week babysitter and my mom the other day.  Oleg is used to my mom watching him, but having someone else, even if it is a very good friend, is change.  He hates change.  It took about a week for the symptoms of “missing mommy” to show up.  When they did it was an all out whine, rude, screamy mess.  We thought we had about another 2 weeks to go to get used to the new schedule and then life would return to a minimal level of whine, rude and screamy.  You know, normal.

Oh we though wrong buddy.

Tuesday afternoon I got a call from my Father-in-law asking if Derek could come down to help him with Mom.  He needed assistance at home and was taking her to the doctor to see if they could do something.  When Dad asks for help we drop what we are doing and go.  A long story that involves medical transport and a visit to the ER later, Mom was checked into the hospital… again.

Here a little of the background.  Mom has what is called “rebound.”  It is swelling of the brain from the after-effects of the radiation.  Her brain is currently more swollen than it was post surgery.  To help bring the swelling down they have her on steroids.  The combination of the rebound and the steroids have made her very fatigued.  We’ve watched her slowly decline into immobility.  She can’t get up to use the facilities and as a result she’s developed a bladder infection.  On top of that she doesn’t eat and barely drinks anything.  She was dehydrated and had a UTI so thus the checking in to the hospital.  Our hope is that they can release her to the in-patient rehab facility to help her regain some strength.  The doctors are fairly confident that she’ll come out of the rebound and return to the functionality she had at Christmastime.

With Grammy being in the hospital again that brings up another set of emotions in the boy.  The last time we scrambled to find someone to watch him and we didn’t come home until after he had gone to bed and the next day he spent with my mom because Grammy was having surgery.  He worries about his Grammy.  To him, is this another long-term stay in the hospital?  Will she be even more different than the last time she came out?

Grammy isn’t the same as she was 8 months ago.  Grammy had some remembering problems, but she was still able to play and laugh.  Now she can’t do any of that (although she does still crack jokes and laughs).  Grammy won’t be the same as she used to be and that’s hard when you’re 6.

As parents we have to learn to be more patient.  That’s hard when you are screamed at.  That’s hard when your child flips you shit all the time.  But it’s even harder when you’re 6 and your whole world is changing and there is nothing you can do to stop it.

7 Comment

  1. Tracy says: Reply

    You have an excellent skill of putting yourself in his shoes…just remember this as you are about to pull your hair out. Good luck.

  2. lauri says: Reply

    hang in there.. hugs

  3. Rachael says: Reply

    Sounds hard for mama and the boy right now. I’m sorry your mother-in-law is doing poorly right now, I hope she will bounce back and improve. Internet wave hugs to you.

  4. Wow – sounds like you all have a lot to deal with…hope it gets easier.

  5. Jan says: Reply

    Wish we could be there to help in some way, Either with the boy or Bev. We are sending you lots of love & hugs. Aunt Jan

  6. mom says: Reply

    Sad thing… we ALL have to work. No guilt tripping, but that has a huge impact on our children. Remember? 🙁 The consolation prize to this story is you have great bosses. Flexible is everything. Being pooped, a glass of wine, the bathroom door locked, and a good book, sound like heaven. Once again… it’s hard being someones mom. Add stress on top of the work thingy… ~sigh~ If you want advice, the best would be prepare meals ahead for the week and freeze. Maybe not as good, but it gives you and your family that little extra sit down and cuddle time that is sooooooooo needed.
    I hurt for all of you while Bev battles her cancer. The
    Lindholms are not alone… many, many, hearts are with you!

  7. Congrats on the job(s). When I am gone too much it always manifests itself with Piney having accidents. It feels manipulative even though I am sure it isn’t.

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