I said I wanted to make that step from adoption blogger to mommy blogger. I think I am doing an ok job. I still read many of the adoption blogs and smile as yet another child is brought home. A small part of me misses being part of that community. Do I wish to go back to the arduous waiting, the stress over paperwork, the countless clams I shelled out and long ass flights to a place that no one in their right mind would actually go? No. Of course the further we get removed from the process the more the thought creeps in. When that happens we try to smack each other in the face and have a Moonstruck moment, “Snap out of it!” Kinda like when I think I want to move back to Vegas. That usually means I need a visit there just to realize that it is hot, dry, makes me sick all the time and I have a tendency to get into car accidents there.
While I make the slow transition to plain ol’ mom I try to focus on life, my family and the last little bit of sanity the adoption process didn’t so rudely rip off. I miss things like sister-in-law’s birthdays, step-dad’s birthdays, and birthdays for other important people in my life. But I missed a date that should hold very high significance in our life. The first day we saw the face of our son.
March 28, 2006 I sat at my computer right before lunch wasting time. It had been two weeks since we lost Alexander and I was still in a fog. Olga had informed us that she was close to getting referrals for all 5 families that lost their children and we should have a referral any day. I was just getting ready to to get up and make some lunch when a box popped up. “new message from AIAinfo@aol.com” I opened my inbox and the subject was re: referral. I sat there for a moment because I knew this was it. I must say I was scared to death of opening it. I clicked on the email and saw, “Irina got a referral for you!!! This is 17 months old boy Oleg”
My first thought was about his name. My second was how Russian he looked. I had been looking at photos of Alexander for nearly a year. This little boy looked so sad. I called the trusty husband and asked what he thought of the name Oh-leg. We truly were very excited to be moving again. Somehow we knew this child was our son.
As my mother said, “he just looks like he needs someone to hug and squeeze him.” She was so right.