Well that was a helluva birthday present

or

You think we would have learned by now

It has become very apparent that I totally suck at birthdays.? The last party that I pulled off to my satisfaction was my own 30th.? I don’t know if that was because it was my own party or a complete fluke.? For the trusty husband’s 30th we had a great party, but guests were waiting forever to be fed.? I suppose the boy’s party last year wasn’t that bad.? Probably because I bought the cake rather than thinking I could actually make one.

This year I thought I would get all crafty and shit and make the boy’s cake.? Oh how I will never do that again.? My cake idea was good in theory and taste, but poor in execution.? Let’s just? go with stacking pre-frosted cupcake tops does not work however cute you think it might be.? Moving on.

In all honesty we had a lovely little family party for the boy Sunday afternoon.? He played well with his “siblings” and was exhausted by the end.

Monday morning I get an email from Heather saying that EEE! was sick and throwing up.? Fantastic.? The boy had been coughing with a little bit of a cold and I thought things would? be fine.? Really.? I didn’t call Kathou to tell her about EEE! because I didn’t want to put any additional stress on her prior to her leaving the country for 10 days.

Yesterday was the boy’s actual birthday and we started our day long celebration with breakfast at Knapp’s.? The boy chowed down 1/4 of a giant waffle and a huge glass of apple juice.? We got home and prepared to get ready for the day and he proclaims, “I have to go poop.”

“Fine,” I said.? “you know where the toilet is.”

Two seconds later he comes into my office and says, “uh oh Mommy, something happened.”

The child had no warning and had a small accident.? This wouldn’t have been so bad if the utility workers up the street hadn’t accidentally turned our water off at the very second I went to flush the toilet.? Had I mentioned that neither the trusty husband or I had showered?? I attributed the accident to the giant glass of apple juice as the boy was acting fine.

The child picked at his lunch, eating only mostly apples and then pitched a fit when we said it was time for nap.? He eventually passed out and was pleasent when he woke up.? We piled into the car for our annual Birthday trip to the Pumpkin Patch.? About 2 miles from our house the boy says, “OW!? My tummy hurts.”? This here is what we call forshadowing.

He still was insistant on Starbucks so we stopped to go potty and grab a snack.? The mommy warning flags started going up when he didn’t eat the bit of cookie we gave him.? He still seemed happy and excited to go the the Pumpkin Patch so continuted on.? The trusty in-laws called asking if we’d like to have dinner with them since we’d be in the area.? I had plans to make dinner at home, but figured this would be an opportunity to go to one of my favorite restaurants in Olympia so I agreed.

Wheelbarrow rides and sloshing through the mud and 80+ pounds of Pumpkin later we were back in the car on the way to the trusty in-laws.? Boy is fine.? Play fine for an hour and a half, but again pitches a fit when we tell him it’s time for dinner.

He finally eats a bit of the cookie in his cup holder and then starts crying on the way to the restaurant.? He says his throat hurts.? I ask if he feels ok and he says his tummy hurts again.? We thought he swallowed a bit of sharp cookie since he said he didn’t have to go potty or throw up.? All seems well, but something is not quite right about the situation.

We get to the restaurant and the boy colors for a while and then starts to get a little warm.? He leaned on his dad and then wanted to lay down.? He laid down in the booth between us with his head on the trusty husband’s lap.? The child looked more and more pale, but never fell asleep.? He also kept getting warmer and warmer.? Dinner was good and when we were finished we quickly got ready to go.? I said I had to go to the bathroom and at that moment the boy kind of started to cry.? The trusty FIL said, “looks like he’s about ready to throw up.”? I dismissed it thinking about the earlier incident in the car.? I got up to go pee and 3 steps away from the table I hear, “ELLE!”? I turn around to see this panic stricken look on my MIL’s face and round the booth to find my child covered in returned apple and sobbing.? Damn it… the FIL was right.

The poor bus boy didn’t know what hit him when this crazy lady grabbed him and said, “Towels, lots of towels.”

Fortunately, the child only threw up the one time.? However, he was covered from head to toe in puke.? And it is a distinct possibility that we are invited to never go to Mercato again.

In the end my child was the ever present gift whore and was asking for his birthday gifts from his puny position on the sofa when we got home.? We talked him into waiting for the morning.

What have I learned from this experience?? Well… my child is incapable of throwing up closer than 20 miles from our home forcing us to drive like bats out of hell smelling like vomit and that when I think the child isn’t feeling that hot that we should just stay home.

6 Comment

  1. Carrie says: Reply

    Wow! You guys really know how to PARTY!!

    I have three kids and have NEVER had a public puke episode; knocking on wood. You have all the luck! Hope your little guy is feeling better.

  2. Heidi says: Reply

    Oy. I had a restaurant barf incident a while back myself.
    I took my 2 kids and myself out for a much needed get-outta-the-house-or-life-as-you-know-it-will-end dinner. My daughter, a baby at the time, ended up throwing up. The waiter came to grab my dinner and said he’d wrap it up right away. “No” I said much to his dismay, and I cleaned us up and continued dinner (new meaning to the words “at all cost” – I really needed to get out of the house!!!). I was so proud of myself. I did it. I survived going out to dinner with my two kids by myself, even with the barfing and crying (and with no wine since I was driving). It was a relief and a needed break. I smiled at everyone as we proudly left the restaurant. I thought they even smiled back at me. I did it!
    Then, outside, when I went to put my wallet back in my purse, I discovered barf was all down my back-pack purse during my proud walk out. They hadn’t been smiling after all… they were laughing.
    And the purse was leather and thus ruined.
    It’s funny… NOW.
    That’s a good idea, let’s all share our kid barfing in public stories! LOL

  3. Lena says: Reply

    So sorry to hear that O’s birthday turned out like that … odds are he will only remember his presents though!

    Hope you guys all recovered!

  4. Wow. Happy birthday, Oleg! I hope he’s feeling better soon, and that you all recover quickly from the incident!

    Public puking is no fun. Quin started projectile puking on the plane when he was 15 months old. We had just turned onto the runway when he gave me a look of abject terror, opened his mouth, and spewed everywhere. Because we were literally taking off, the flight attendants couldn’t help me, but because we were in the back row, they saw everything, and came prepared as soon as they could. The only good (vindictively) thing about it was the chain smokers next to me had to put up with the reek of vomit while we had to put up with their reek. I was recovering from the stomach flu, and almost lost it several times due to the smell of cigarette smoke. I became quite good at catching projectile puking in a garbage bag. The poor boy was pretty listless for the flight, and it was the only flight where he held still for most of it.

  5. Heather says: Reply

    Atleast you only got the puke experience once. I had atleast 6 times and 6 loads of laundry. Sorry….about the bug passing. I am pretty sure its our fault. I would have kept him home if I’d only known we were contagious.

  6. Sheelah says: Reply

    Happy Birthday to the Boy!

    I don’t have any kids yet, but my mom loves telling me how I puked all over the birthday cake at my 1st birthday party when I was supposed to blow out the candles.

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