Strange Family Contest: Round 3

We interrupt the Strange Family Contest for a health report on Elle.? Yesterday found me lying in a heap of my own snot on my bed sobbing from the pain in my head.? For the second time I fell victim to an ocular migraine.? I was perfectly fine when the trusty family came to get the boy so I could go to work.? I sat down to eat some lunch and watch a little TV when that damn C showed up again.? I knew what was coming and took some pre-emptive pain medication thinking that would help.? Yeah… no.? Somehow I got myself over to the church although I could barely see.? I laid on a couch while other people did my work for me and then somehow drove home.? I’m still not sure how I did that.? About 1/2 way home I started in on a panic attack and thought I was going to throw up.? I called the trusty husband who rushed home and saved me.? Ok, he brought me my woobie and told me it was going to be ok.? A few hours later I could mostly sit up.? We retrieved our child from the trusty family and then he proceeded to melt down in the car on the way home.? That helped the headache.? Heavy drugs got me through the night and this morning I’m doing much better, but feel a little loopy.? Functioning, but dumb.

With that being said, I had to pull in the big guns (my mom) to get another strange family story.? I don’t quite think it beats the Anonymous poster from the previous post, but it’s still a good one.

Here is how the rest of the contest will play out.? We’ll finish up the story round today.? Then tomorrow you, the readers, will get to vote on your favorite.? The trusty husband will pick the people with the best stories from the commenter’s and those people will go up against my whole arsenal of stories.? If you think that any person is better than my whole book of stories that person will be declared stranger than my family and will get a prize from our upcoming vacation.? So stay tuned tomorrow to vote.

The current favorite is the story from Anonymous in the last post (see link above).? The story is long so I won’t put the whole text in this post.? Here is my rebuttal.

Elle: When cousin with 9 kids was 2 or 3 years old her mom (crazy aunt) busted a ukulele across her face.? Then told her she deserved the black eyes.

9 Comment

  1. Trish says: Reply

    What a great/bizarre like contest. My family is looking more and more normal. It may be that I just don’t know my Dad’s side of the family (they decided it was best to stay in a communist country and got upset with my Dad for fleeing with his family). I bet they are all crazy! Can’t wait to vote on the best story

  2. a little late to enter but my mom’s cousin showed up at our house one day with the family in a pick up truck with a wooden house attached to the back. his son then proceeded to show me the pet rat and the hole in the truck bed where they went to the bathroom while traveling down the highway.

  3. Elle says: Reply

    John, it’s not the redneck contest. But I win that one too.

  4. I don’t think I can top anon from yesterday.

    I’ll throw out another just for fun though. My dad’s wife #2 was rather crazy.
    Wife #2 arguing with my sister (her daughter) who was about 15 at the time. My sister borrowed a camisole top of her mom’s without asking and her mom yelled at her. My sister responded by saying “What are you going to do about it? Hit me?” At which point wife #2 punched her in the mouth and tackled her then proceeded to rip the camisole top off of my sister.

    Wife #2 and my dad divorced almost 20 years ago. It did not end on friendly terms (mostly because my dad cheated on her with wife #3 while wife #2 went off the deep end). My dad died just less than 2 years ago. Wife #2 shows up at the funeral – that wasn’t so weird I guess. But she proceeded to go to the head of the “receiving” line (you know that line of family you have to make your way through to get to the casket) and stand next to wife #3. She stays up there greeting people and accepting condolences with wife #3 for 45 minutes. Everyone was creeped out (small town – no secrets). People who hadn’t seen my dad in awhile were confused and asking me which one was the widow. It was just wrong and creepy. My sister wouldn’t tell her to go sit her butt down because her mom’s crazy…she finally did wander away.

  5. I hope your migraine went away! It sounds like you’ve been having a crappy day!

    The stories are all horrifyingly fascinating. I keep reading them, wondering how our species managed to make it this far! Especially with the stories of incest. Wow. It really does make my family look normal – even Justin!

  6. mom says: Reply

    I hate to sound like somebody’s mother, but have you seen a Dr? Migraines are something I can’t identify with… but I know suffers. Medication can halt an attack before it’s out of control. Please listen to your mother and go see a Dr!

  7. I think that the writers for the National Lampoons series should read this contest. They’d get some awesome material for Cousin Eddie’s family! Seriously, I thought he/his family were crazy till I’ve read some of these entries.

  8. How interesting that I am sitting here squinting as I read blogs this morning… why you ask? Oh because I’m still getting through the tail end of my ocular migraine that came over me yesterday. Complete with crying, puking, screaming, drugs, sleeping, hot pads and a desire to pull my eye ball out of socket. In other words, I feel your pain.

    Any ideas on drugs that actually work?

  9. Hey! I know it’s been a while since I’ve commented, but I’m still reading, as ever. My family is pretty screwed up, I don’t think I can resist this one…

    So growing up, we lived on what once was a farmstead belonging to my great uncle. At some point as he became too old to keep up, he started selling or giving parts to family members, so all of our neighbors were family.

    The swat team visited our yard no less than 6 times, usually for my cousin’s husband. He was usually armed and threatening his wife. It became somewhat “normal” for that to happen. Most of us didn’t really pay much attention anymore. Another time I remember being outside in my jammies, watching my dad and other cousin smacking this guy around because he had OD’d on sleeping pills and they were trying to keep him awake until the paramedics arrived.

    Then there was my other cousin (a diagnosed schizophrenic), who was married and had a daughter–but something happened with that and his wife eventually asked for a divorce and re-married. He ended up living practically on our back doorstep because his parents still owned that land (much to my dad’s irritation).
    One night, I woke up to some noise, and found my dad sitting up with a shot gun in hand, just watching and listening.

    Apparently, said cousin’s girlfriend of the time had broken up with him. He was none too happy about that and thus spent the early parts of the night shooting holes in his trailer home walls.

    He then took everything of the girlfriend’s that was still at his house, threw it into the front yard and lit it on fire. I guess that wasn’t enough, because then he dragged his couch out there and threw that on the fire.

    After his late night bonfire, he went back into his home and broke EVERY piece of glass in the home (including the microwave, TV, stove…) EXCEPT 2 picture frames that held pictures of his daughter. (we found this out because my mom and I helped his mom clean up some of the mess)

    The next morning he called the police and told them someone had broken in and done this all.

    I could go on and on…. that was just 2 cousins hehe

    I better stop now, though lol

    ~Crystal

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