Mommy Wars: More White Elephants

You know me. ?I’m a big children’s welfare advocate. ?So why do I choose now to keep my mouth shut about something that is so near and dear to my heart? ?While the whole of the world is up in arms about the Tory Ann Hansen (links to the google search for her name rather than any one single article)?case I’ve been decidedly quiet. ?Part of the reason is because I have elected to not become involved. ?Most of me is numb over the whole thing. ?I’ve yet to pull my head out of the sand and read or participate in forum discussions about the whole thing. ?My knowledge of the situation is only what I’ve heard on the television news. ?I know, that is bad. ?Truth is, I’m not currently in the process of a Russian adoption so it doesn’t directly effect me. ?My charitable organization is not in the business of Russian adoption so it does not effect that. ?What it does do is make me want to hold my son and not let go.

I’ve been there.

I’ve been on the waiting end of someone elses fuck up. ?If you will recall a one Peggy Sue Hilt (also a google link). ?That case broke 2 weeks after we got home from meeting Alexander. ?That case is what snowballed our Russian adoption process into a giant 2 year nightmare. ?It wasn’t the main factor, but right up at the top. ?So for every parent waiting for their child… I’ve been there. ?I know exactly how you feel.

Here is what I do know or don’t understand. ?I don’t understand how a human being can do that to a child. ?It doesn’t matter if you’ve attached to this child or not. ?You do not send a child on an airplane across the world into the unknown. ?I would have trouble doing that with my high school graduate going off to college let alone a small child. ?I also know that what I see coming from the Russian government is probably not all that it is cracked up to be. ?I watched a segment on GMA yesterday morning where they interviewed a child welfare government official and they claim there is nothing mentally wrong with this child. ?This may be the case, however as a parent to a post institutionalized child… there is something wrong. ?A person can not come out of that environment unscathed. ?I’ve been there. ?I don’t understand why this woman does not man up and either admit that she was wrong or attempt to defend her actions (as horribly wrong as they are).

There are many unanswered questions about the whole thing. ?My heart breaks for the little boy and the families waiting for their children. ?As for my feelings for Tory Ann Hansen… I have none. ?I hope the outrage from those families waiting is punishment. ?I hope she realizes that she stood in front of a judge and swore to protect that little boy until the world ended and she just threw him away like a piece of trash. ?No child is trash.

I have much more to say on the matter, but for now I’m going to go hold my son. ?The son that I love so dearly. ?The son that I would walk over fire and die for. ?My son… from Russia.

4 Comment

  1. Tracy says: Reply

    Your post – not the media or the horrific story, but your post brought tears to my eyes. For I too have a daughter that I love so dearly. A daughter that I would walk over fire and die for. My daughter? from Russia. Sorry to take your words, but so poetic. Thank you.

  2. mom says: Reply

    The entire world is outraged at her behavior. Destroying future families without looking back once at her own child. The majority of adoptees are loved and accepted for who they are. Parallel to a birth mother.
    There are bad parents who’s children are biological, so to place blame on the fact of this adoption is wrong. She just is one of the many whom considers children to be throw away. 🙁

  3. Amen…I suppose my post on the topic was on the harsh side, but that’s what I was feeling when I heard about the story. Days later, I’m not upset that she couldn’t parent this boy, I’m upset that she gave up after 6 months and chose not to seek assistance. Putting him on a plane just baffles me…

  4. Wendy says: Reply

    We also suffered through one hellatious adoption and one failed adoption because of the actions of others. But my pain aside, you said it perfectly. No child is trash. There were many, many other options. Many she chose not to seek or apparently even take the time to consider. That poor child.

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