I want to thank you all for your well wishes and words of encouragement yesterday.? I had a moment where I was going to sit down and delete this whole site.? That’s how bad it was.? Really bad.? I also appreciate your concern and gentle prodding me to “give the pharmaceuticals a try.”? Sorry.? Not going to happen.? I have gotten through a lot worse without them and I will get through this without them too.
I spent my “free” time yesterday constantly hitting refresh on my own site just to see your wonderful comments.? I received encouraging emails and a lovely invite from Willow to go out for a walk on the waterfront tomorrow (of which I jumped on).? In between checking for comments I visited Willow’s site just to look at the beautiful photos of my child.? Because, let’s face it, you know you want to look at him too when you are in a bad mood.? Just. so. gorgeous!
When I look back on what I got accomplished yesterday I amazed even myself.? I guess a pissed off fury will do that to someone.? I cleaned my kitchen, including the nasty ass floor.? I cleaned the bathroom, mostly because of a bit of a poop incident.? How about it was so good that while I was trying to rinse out underpants in the toilet the boy was sitting next to me saying, “Elmo’s swimming.”? I just about died laughing.? That is what my life has been reduced to.? Laughing at having to rinse out poop in the toilet.? You still wanna be me right?? I also washed 3 loads of laundry (the trusty husband folded them), I made the “door/curtain” for the boy’s bed, hung a towel bar in the kitchen and did a quick vac of the minimal carpeting in the house (sans the family room).? So it wasn’t a complete waste of a day.
I do want to believe that I am a good parent.? I look at how far my child has come in the one year we have had him home (It’s one year today).? I see how much he has grown, how much he talks, how big he smiles and how much he laughs.? He couldn’t have done that without me.? Not to diminish what the trusty husband does, but hey… I’m home with the child all day.? I like being a stay at home mom.? I do miss work, but this gig has the best rewards.? Like this morning when the boy told me I looked cute.