I originally set out to write about that my son is a total and utter klingon these days.? Other mothers were jealous at my child’s ability to play by himself for long stretches of time.? So well that I was able to get things done, like laundry, if the mood so struck me.? Not now.? This morning I walked out of the boy’s sight line to put a cookbook away and he followed saying, “where’s mama?”? So not only do I have a constant play by play man, an occasional color guy (the trusty husband) I now have a 3′ leg monkey.? So there’s the klingon report.
Although I started out to write about the boy I did my usual routine and read everyone’s blogs until the caffeine kicked in. On occasion you guys seem to redirect my original train of thought to something else.? Either that or I get distracted easily.? I’ll go with the latter for $500 Alex.
Chou2 had an interesting post about adoption being Plan A.? If you’ve been reading my stuff for a while you will know that I am not the kind of gal to go about being a lab rat in the name of reproduction.? That’s me.? My body, I get to do with it what I want.? That being said,? I did try to get pregnant at one point.? It didn’t work.? Rather than pursue expensive fertility testing and treatments we moved to adoption.? We didn’t so much think of this as Plan B, but rather a deviation on Plan A.? Blah, blah, blah, insert whole reproductive history post here. (Wow, that took a while to find)? Now you know how we got from not pregnant to Toddler 2.0 in 2 years.
At this point you are asking me, “Elle, why are you rehashing stuff that we already knew about?”? Gah, I’m getting there.? Have you ever known me to tell a story without giving you a dissertation on the history of the lamp first?
Seeing as we have past fertility issues, having more children is a planned event in our house.? Sure, we’re not, not trying, but given my body’s weird state of growing foreign stuff it would take a little more than throwing caution to the wind.? I am constantly getting the “well you never know” from people.? Or “I know so and so and they had x condition and they got pregnant.”? I’m personally not convinced that I could ever get pregnant.? I know my body pretty well.? Hell, I live in it every day.? I know what fibroid and endo pain feels like.? It’s still there people.? I was pain free for about 6 months after my surgery.? That was it.
So now, we are stuck between this rock and a hard place.? I want more children.? I’ve always wanted more children.? I don’t want the child to show up on my door step tomorrow, but I want more children.? Part of me wants to give it a try and go for the biological child.? The other part wants to say forget the biological children and just adopt again.? There are a whole list of pros and cons for both sides of the argument.
On the biological side, while being pregnant is something I would like to do, the resulting child is very tiny and frankly… quite boring.? I’ve mentioned before that I like my sleep.? I’ve never been one to really want to breastfeed.? (oooh the flack I’ll get from that one.)? I would know that at the end of 9ish months I would have a child.? I would be interested to see what a child that is part me and part Derek is like.? It would be nice to have an actual immediate biological family member.? (I have none)? I wouldn’t miss a single first and the most compelling reason… much much cheaper.
On the adopting side, I know what to expect.? We would adopt in the toddler range again so I have an instantly mobile and self sufficient person (pros in my book).? There is no guaranteed timeline on how long before the child comes home.? I love adopting. But… it is very very expensive and we don’t have the money for it right now.
I struggle with this choice every day.? Sure you could tell me that it isn’t a decision I have to make right now.? My answer would be that I’ve been struggling with this choice for months and have come no closer to an answer.? There is no guarantee that if we go the biological route it will result in an actual pregnancy.? I’m not sure if I want to go through the month after month of disappointment again.? However, I don’t know if I can ever be prepared for the roller coaster of international adoption again.
The Trusty Husband’s take.? He’s just as confused as I am.? The boy… we ask him if he wants a sister and he says, “yeah.”? Of course he says that when we ask if he wants a dog too.? Maybe we’ll just go for the dog.
*I almost didn’t publish this post because I don’t like talking about our family planning.? There were only 2 people who knew we were trying to get pregnant for the longest time because I don’t think it is anyone’s business, but I can’t stand this anymore.