Dear United States Military;

As an American citizen I am very aware of the fact that our country if fighting a “war.” I also know that it is important that our military be on top of it’s game, but let’s get real. In my house, I am fighting a war of my own. I am the mother to a two year old. A two year old who has sleep issues. As in: if he doesn’t sleep he is a cranky shit. I know my child is able to sleep through hurricane force winds. However, he is unable to sleep when an F-15 threatens to take out our chimney. Designated flight patterns… blah blah blah. Could, from the hours of 1-2 p.m., you please divert your flight patterns away from my house?

I have not had a mommy break in weeks and my son’s nap time is the only me time I get. That is one hour a day people. I am a little on edge to say the least. I deal with cats that try to open dresser drawers and who throw up in their food and water dishes. I manage a little person who has an unholy fear of public toilets and, god forbid, sitting on the bathroom counter. As if sitting on the counter will actually kill him. This same child had to tell me for 5 straight miles we were “all done choo-choo” after riding our city light rail this afternoon. This child also forced me to watch Elmo’s Potty Time 3 times yesterday. There was nothing I. could. do. He held me hostage and threatened to smear wet Cheerios in my hair. I have bags under my eyes and my neck is all broken out for some odd reason. As if my child revolting wasn’t enough. My skin has to join the party too.

So please please US Military might I suggest this flight pattern for you? Follow the blue line not your current red line. Sure it may be shorter, but think of it this way… it would give the pilots more opportunities for take offs and landings.

The “tourists” are already kicking our collective asses. I’m not thinking that extra hour of flight training is going to help anyway.