Dear small boy,
Why do you feel the need to announce to the entire restaurant that I am going potty? Are you aware that you have a very high shrill voice that carries across every room. So loud in fact that I could hear you all the way in the potty. I am sure the other diners don’t care that I am about to use the facilities. Let them eat their pot stickers in peace.
Also, I have told you a million times that it is not ok to ride the flat carts at the mega home improvement store despite what your grandmother told you. Trust me when I say that there is big giant lettering on the cart that says, “Do not ride.” It is not necessary for you to express your displeasure in such a decibel that people in the garden center can hear you.
And please for the love of god, while I am generously allowing you to walk in the grocery store, can you stop slapping my butt. I am aware that it is a pretty big target, but lets not draw attention to it shall we.